In Another Life
by veryloyalfan
Summary: My name's Perry, and I work for the O.W.C.A. Things used to be normal, well, for me, anyway. Now... I just want everything to go back to the way it was. That's what I keep telling myself. Maybe someday, I'll believe it. An AU story in which Perry is a human, in 1st person perspective. Rated K for drama and cartoon violence.
1. Introduction

I was trapped.

The thought didn't inspire fear, or shock, or any emotion at all. Annoyance, maybe.

What was meant to be an evil cackle sounded from the shadows, and a tall man with a crooked nose stepped out. "Ah, Perry the Agent. I trust you're finding your trap, cumbersome?"

I suppose his accent is Drusselsteinian. If you've never heard of Drusselstein, consider yourself lucky. I'd never heard of it either, but you would not _believe_ the strange customs and culture that place has. I know I wouldn't if I hadn't seen some of it firsthand, but I'm getting distracted.

My name is Perry Plats, and I'm an agent in the O.W.C.A. The name of that organization is… classified. Let's just go with classified. I'm short, and I have turquoise hair. The Drusselsteinian in the lab coat was my nemesis, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but I've come to think of him as just Doof. I wouldn't have answered him if I could have, so I just glared.

"I'm a bit strapped for cash this month, so I had to come up with a way to make money, fast." He flicked on a light, and stepped up to an imposing machine. "Behold! The Rubber-Asphalt-Inator! With this, I can turn all the roads in the Tri-State-Area rubber, so that everyone will have to buy my special tires to be able to drive anywhere! And the best part is, this will lower the mayor's approval rating, and force him out of office, allowing me to take over!"

Today's scheme didn't make anymore sense than usual. We've been battling for five years, and I gave up trying to figure out the reasoning behind his plots a _ges_ ago. Despite myself, I've begun to follow some trains of thought. He often went after the mayor, who, oddly enough, is his younger brother. But why he seemed to think that his brother being thrown out of office would lead to his own takeover, I may never know.

He's a constant thorn in my side. I mean, it would be one thing if his daily schemes and inventions were a true threat, but more often than not, it just wasn't the case. I felt wasted every time I thwarted him. Honestly, if they'd sent a potted plant to stop him, it would probably be effective, most days.

I know, I know. You're thinking that I'm a bit slow mentally. After all, I've been battling the same incompetent person for five years, and he still has his freedom. Well, that's just another oddity of my job. We're more damage control than removal. I go in, find out what he's doing, put a stop to it, and leave. We sort of have an unspoken agreement that this doesn't happen more than once per day.

I whipped my knife out of my pocket… it's often that simple to escape. Why do you think I don't bother to avoid the traps? I cut through one rope, and the rest unraveled. As if he was expecting it, which he would have had to be an idiot not to, he spun around and flung his wrench at me. I dodged easily, and would have swiped his feet out from under him, but cold metal clicked around my wrists, trapping me again.

"Nice try, Agent P."

I rolled my eyes as Doof's pesky kid sister stepped around me. She'd shown up about three years ago, and had been nothing but a nuisance ever since. Her accent matched his. She wasn't as homely as him, and she wasn't nearly as awkward as she had been when I'd first met her, but she'd still never win any beauty pageants.

She tried to give me a superior smile, but her eyes ruined it, like they always did. Plain face and crooked nose aside, she has the kindest eyes of anyone I've ever seen. Completely misleading, since she's constantly trying to help her brother take over the Tri State Area.

"Thank you, Hildie. Now if you'll be a dear and plug this thing in, we'll get started."

She turned to obey, giving me a chance to pick the lock on the cuffs. Something I was very used to doing by now. They were both distracted so I walked up to Doof, tapped his shoulder, then decked him as he spun around.

I turned towards his sister, but Hilda didn't look like she was going to put up any more of a fight than she usually did.

I slapped the big red self destruct button on the Rubber-Inator, and tipped my hat, jumping out of the way as it exploded.

He crossed his arms, still sitting on the floor, mouth drawn into a pout. "Curse you, Agent Plats."

Normally, the whole routine took longer, but I was eager to get back home today because of what my little brothers had been working on.

I stepped off the balcony, and deployed the chute in the harness I typically wore on missions, dropped gently down to my motorcycle, and headed for home.

And while I'm on the subject, I told you a half truth a while back. Officially, as in, on a case, my name is Perry Plats. Legally,I was adopted into my host family about five years ago, when I was seventeen, making my name Perry Flynn-Fletcher. My family is great, and they never tried to push their 'slow' child too far. See, you're not alone in thinking I'm slow mentally. In fact, my boss seems to love the idea, and has also told me to encourage it. That part of my cover annoyed me no end at first. I mean, what intelligent teen likes to be talked to like they can't possibly process anything you're saying? It worked out though. I was able to get away with minimum amount of homework required for passing grades, which is fine by me, considering the amount of paper work I have to fill out in my 'spare time'.

What helped keep a low profile was the fact that I don't speak, and I don't mean often, like my little brother, Ferb. I mean I can't talk. Never been able to. But as you can see, that doesn't keep me from doing my job.

Being an agent is really not as exciting as I thought my life was going to be, but, hey, it was a living. Everything was comfortable. Mom and Dad were as patient as ever, Phineas and Ferb are awesome little brothers, and Candace even came to accept me into the family. I'd do anything for them.

Little did I know it at the time, that was why everything was about to change.

—

* * *

 **A/N: This is really strange, because I never thought I'd do a A.U. human Perry story. (Hence the super unoriginal title.) I'm still not sure how I got pulled into it, but, I played around with a few ideas last spring, and this is what happened. Sorry about the information dump, but trying to explain the changes was harder than I thought. (Oh, yeah, and all the characters except for Hilda and Annie belong to Disney, and all the locations, and stuff anyone would want to own, and I've got nothing, you know the drill!)**

 **Hope you like it!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. To Bust, or Not To Bust

I parked my motorcycle, hung my helmet from the bars, and headed straight for the backyard where the world's coolest kids at least started most of their inventions. Yeah, I have three inventors in my life, but only one of them is evil. Phineas and Ferb's life motto was Carpe Diem, and this summer especially had been about making each day count. Today, they'd built the world's biggest climbing gym in our back yard, and I was glad to see it was still there. Ferb waved, and Phineas looked down, resting against his harness. "Oh, there you are, Perry. Come on up!"

No one knew about my secret life, except, of course, my superiors. It kept everything nice and separate. To my nemesis, I'm an agent. To my family, I'm just one of them. It was inconvenient at times, frustrating most of the time, but it _was_ nice to just come home, and unwind without questions. Plus, not knowing about my cover, they didn't worry when I was away.

Candace, our sister, stood nearby, arms crossed. She stared at me in shock as I strapped on a harness. "Not you, too! Perry, look at this thing! It's dangerous!"

I clicked the buckle on my helmet, and knocked on it, twice. _Looks safe enough to me._

She stomped her foot. "You're always on _their_ side! You're the only grown up who sees all this stuff and knows where it comes from! When are you gonna bust them?"

 _When they're actually in danger._ And truth be told, I'd have to be convinced that it wasn't just a freak accident. Phineas and Ferb's inventions did get out of hand from time to time, but with each new adventure, they were getting safer all the time.

I started climbing, wondering why she'd been waiting for _me_ to bust the boys, until I remembered that Mom was in jury duty.

The climbing course was awesome, and just what I needed to relieve the frustration of yet another boring assignment. It's not that I wanted my nemesis to be more of a threat, it's just that, lately, I'd begun to miss the good ol' days when there had more effort involved.

I went at it with a bit too much gusto, forgetting that my family was watching until Phineas beamed, "Wow, Perry, you should've been on the gym team at school!"

I shrugged, sheepishly, hoping it wouldn't make them too suspicious. As usual, Phineas took it all in a stride, and Ferb gave me that cryptic stare that suggested he knew more than anyone. Since he didn't talk much, we could read each other extremely well, so I knew the thumbs up he gave me was just to reaffirm Phin's compliment.

The neighborhood kids had to go home for supper before we'd finished climbing. We finally slid to the ground, where Phineas explained. "We wanted to add a retro, old school touch. After all, aside from making everything maximumly fun to climb and structurally sound, there wasn't a lot on engineering involved." He pressed a button, and the whole thing folded in on itself somehow. I tell you, being the 'slow' brother came easily around these two. By the time it finished folding, it was just a little wooden swing-set with a couple rows of monkey bars.

Candace came crashing through the gate with Mom in tow. "The boys built this huge climby thingy in the back yard! See?"

Mom smiled, clasping her hands under her chin. "Yes, I _do_ see."

Candace stared at her in shock. "You do?" Her face lit up until she turned to look herself. "Butbutbutbutbutbut…"

"Boys, that is just adorable! Perry, did you help them with this?"

Phineas beamed. "Yeah, Perry showed up, and we had a great time!"

I smiled down at them, loving the reminded of why I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

"I'm glad you had fun! Who wants a snack…. Oops, it's a little late for a snack today. I guess I should grab supper out of the crock pot now, huh?"

We followed her into the house, and I pointed to the file under her arm. She smiled at me. "Jury duty went fine, Hon. Thanks for asking." She reached to ruffle my hair, and I stopped to let her. "How about you? Did you have a nice time with the boys?"

I nodded, glad she'd asked specifically about the part of my day that had made it special. There was enough secrecy in the family without trying to lie to her outright.

It had never mattered to them that I was practically too old to be adopted when they took me in. It hadn't mattered that I couldn't speak, or that they'd missed seventeen years of my life. That alone would have been priceless, but the way they'd accepted me into the family was amazing. I wasn't just staying with them, I _belonged_ with them.

Mom started walking again, and I followed her into the kitchen, then kept going into the living room where Candace had curled up on one side of the couch. I sat down beside her and smiled when she looked up.

She scowled, and turned her face away. "You could have busted them, but you're as bad as they are. One of these days, it'll get out of hand. They're going to get hurt, and then you'll be sorry."

 _You're right. I don't want anything to happen to them. But I still think you're worrying over nothing._ I put my hand over hers, but she and I didn't have the same rapport I shared with the boys. I knew it wasn't that she didn't care about me. She just got so focused on things like busting our brothers that, somehow, she'd lost track of other things that were important to her.

I smiled, and grabbed for the remote. She tried to snatch it away, but I didn't exactly have to give away my secret identity to capture it.

"Perry! Give it back!" She was trying very hard not to grin at me.

I smirked, and flipped down through the channels until I found a show we used to watch together. I couldn't remember when, or why we'd stopped, just that it had been a while.

She stopped trying to grab the remote back, and settled into her seat again. "Wow… I'd almost forgotten about this."

In a few minutes we were laughing about whatever was on the screen. By the time the commercial came on, she'd forgotten she was mad at me. "I'm worried that Jeremy doesn't like me as much as I like him."

It would've seemed a bit random if I hadn't known Candace for five years. Jeremy was a fairly new obsession, and he was never far from her mind. I smacked one fist into an open palm, and she looked at me in alarm before laughing. "No! I do _not_ want you to beat him up!"

She gave a sigh of mock indignation, and slumped in her seat. "I'm serious. I like him. A lot. And I'm… I'm loud. And everyone worries about me over… the busting thing…"

I pulled my cellphone out, and fired off a quick text. ' _You're still my favorite sister._ '

She snatched her phone when it beeped,and wrinkled her nose when she saw it was from me even though I'd sent it right in front of her. When she read the text, she turned and swatted me. "I'm your _only_ sister!"

I grinned, and gave her hair a gentle pull as I sent another text. She read it quietly. ' _If Jeremy really can't see how special you are, then you deserve better than him anyway. Don't worry about it._ '

She turned her nose up and crossed her arms. "It's not that simple!"

She gave me a sideways glance to make sure I wasn't messing with her, then offered a little smile. "Thanks, Perry."

* * *

—

 **A/N: This was the chapter that sold this idea for me. It's weird, but I just love the concept of Perry interacting with his family, and, in a strange way, it sorta works.**

 **Please let me know what you think with a quick review! Thanks!**


	3. Almost Un-Ordinary

I made it halfway through my breakfast the next day before Major Monogram contacted me. I covered my wrist communicator, and glanced around the table to make sure no one was paying any attention. They weren't, so I nodded the go ahead.

"Agent P, there's been a lot of power being consumed by Doofenshmirtz's building all morning. You'd better go over there and check it out."

I nodded,and wolfed down the rest of my food before taking the plate to the sink to wash it out.

Mom glanced over her shoulder. "Why the sudden rush, Hon?"

I reached for my helmet, and waved my phone.

"You're getting called in early again? Honestly, I think your managers take advantage of you."

I grinned my agreement, even though she thought I was rushing off to one of my 'part time jobs' that weren't anything more than a cover. I ruffled the boys' hair, and waved at the rest of them, then hurried out, smile still in place. My family was the only thing I'd give up a single part of my mixed up, crazy life for. So what if Monogram didn't give me steady hours? It wasn't as though he could get Doof to stick to more of a schedule.

D.E.I. was too quiet when I got there, and the place felt… off, so I opted to quietly pick the lock, instead of kicking the door down like I normally do.

Doof's white lab-coat was bent behind the machine and that almost German accent was muttering incoherently. I rolled my eyes; I'd cut breakfast with my family short, and he wasn't even _done_ yet? I walked over, and rolled the machine backwards, knocking the scientist to the floor in an undignified heap. "Oh, just perfect. You're early."

 _Hilda?_ What was _she_ doing, and where was my nemesis?

She got to her feet, and brushed her pants off, calmly, then pressed a button. A chair sprang from the floor directly underneath me, knocking me into it. Metal bands snapped shut around each wrist. I glared at her, waiting for some sort of explanation.

She pointed to the machine. "Behold the Freepo-Inator! It…" Her shoulders slumped as she sighed. "I don't know what it's supposed to do, actually. I've got a lousy backstory, too. See, Heinz is away at a L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. conference for the next few days, and I'm filling in for him. He had to leave earlier than expected, so he didn't get a chance to explain what it is I'm actually doing. He left directions, but…" she pulled out a piece of paper, and squinted at it. "his handwriting is crap." She shoved it back into her pocket with another sigh. "As you can see, I didn't have any problem with the trap, but… I don't even know what Freepo is, sooo… carry on then."

She walked over to the machine, and started working on it, muttering under her breath again. I rolled my eyes. Doof was as bad as Monogram sometimes. What, so he got to take a vacation, and I had to deal with Mini-Doof? I pulled my wrist communicator against the metal bands, and it cut through them like they were made of butter. I walked over to the machine, and she did a full body cringe, like she thought I was going to punch her in the face, or something. I hesitated, and the little wench swept my feet out from under me, and took off running.

Being Doof's _sister_ , I hadn't been planning on fighting her, heck, she literally didn't even know what she was doing, but she'd brought this on herself, and all bets were off. I tore off after her, and tackled her to the ground in a matter of minutes. She sputtered, and struggled against me in an effort so pointless, it made me smile; until her pointy elbow rammed into my gut.

Stars danced around the room as the jackrabbit bounded to her feet and tried to race off. I grabbed her shoelaces, and she toppled back to the ground; right on top of me. Before she could use that mistake against me any more, I rolled out from under her, to my feet, and dragged her to hers.

"Let go!"

I shook my head, and marched her over to the chair, and tied her up. As soon as she was secured, I activated the self destruct button on the machine, tipped my hat, and walked out the front door, still a little ticked that my morning had been ruined for nothing.

I was halfway home when I remembered what she'd said about how Doof was going to be gone for a few days. For a moment, I let the guilt get to me, but I quickly shook it off. After all, even if she couldn't get out of the trap, it wasn't like Monogram wouldn't send me back the next day to check on the suspicious lack of suspicious activity.

I glanced back over my shoulder, then crushed the last little piece of guilt with the promise that if Monogram didn't send me over there before lunchtime, I'd go over on my own time to make sure she didn't stay tied to the chair until her brother got back.

"Hey, Perry, you're out early!"

I hadn't realized that I'd stopped in the middle of the road until the familiar voice broke my concentration. I turned and waved at Annie Jamison. We'd gotten paired up in the same crummy foster home, years back, and become fast friends. She was the first ever person to treat me like I had a brain, right from day one, even before she knew I was an agent.

I pulled out of traffic, and over to the sidewalk where she was standing. She hadn't been as lucky as I had in finding a home, and her free time was usually filled with training, errands, and baking projects. I jerked my head towards home, and patted the back of my motorcycle.

"I really can't intrude again…"

I grinned, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her on. She didn't put up much of a fight. With any luck, she'd help me cheer up Candace.

The day was looking better and better all the time, except for the guilt nagging me from the back of my mind… I shoved it away again, and took the fastest route home.

She waited until we were stopped to ask quietly, "How's work?"

I made a face, and she broke into a laugh that was quickly replaced with a sympathetic smile. "Hang in there."

I reached over my head with both arms, and looked at her with a pout, and that got her laughing again. "Yeah, like the poster. Not fantastic advice, but I've been on the phone for the agency all morning, so what do you expect?"

I led the way into the house, and smiled at Mom as she stepped out of the kitchen. "Oh good, you're home early… well hello there, Annie!"

"Hey, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. Perry invited me to lunch. I hope that's okay."

"The more the merrier. Speaking of which, would you two mind darting across the street to check on the boys for me? Candace has been trying to get me to go over there for twenty minutes."

"Sure thing!"

I nodded my agreement, and we were on the move again, to the Garcia-Shapiro residence next door, home of the girl with a massive crush on Phineas that everyone in town knew about, except him.

Sure enough, when we got there, she was gazing at my little brother with a gaze that held more than admiration. He was staring up into the sky, with the rest of the group. Candace was doing the same, but she was gripping her hair in two fists, looking like she was about to cry.

She glanced mournfully over at me. "Mom sent you over here to check on them?"

I nodded with a shrug. For some reason, whenever I was directly involved in the busting procedure, my presence had the same affect Mom's usually did.

"Oh, there you are, Perry! Hi Annie!" Phineas waved happily, still oblivious to the fact that Isabella was staring at him, lost in a dreamland somewhere.

I turned to nudge Annie, but she was already smiling at them, so I walked over to Candace, who'd calmed down a little, and put my hand on her shoulder.

She sighed heavily, and a bit over dramatically. "Are you staying for lunch?"

"Yep."

"Good. Do you think maybe you could help me find a whole new me look?"

Annie crossed her arms. "Is this to impress Jeremy?"

Candace shot me an accusing glare. "You told her!"

Annie chuckled. "He never said a word."

"Grr. He texted you then."

"Nope."

Some of the fight went out of her. "Is it _that_ obvious?"

I walked away to give Annie a chance to comfort her, and went over to the boys, hoping they'd at least tell me what they're been up to, since I'd missed it.

They never disappoint.

* * *

 **A/N: Chapter 3's up, and Annie's already popped it! (Don't worry folks, she actually isn't a huge part of this story.)**

 **Huge thanks to Agent B Tiger for the super helpful review that let me know which areas need clarification! Just the sort of thing I needed!**

 **Some things will be explained as the story unfolds, but for the rest of you, everyone is about the age they were in the show, and Perry is now about 22, after being adopted five years ago when he was 17. He was working with O.W.C.A. before that, and he's been mute for as long as he can remember, which leads certain people to assume he's not as smart as he is. He doesn't really use it as a 'mindless pet' cover, but he took advantage of it at times in school, and probably situations where he didn't want to listen to annoying people.**

 **If anything else needs clarification as the story unfolds, drop a review or a PM, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can! : )**

 **Thanks for Reading! :D**


	4. Compromised

The next day, I packed into the car with my family, thrilled that my boss hadn't called me in yet. It was rare that I got to go along with the family on day trips. If Doofenshmirtz would just take longer planning today's scheme out, maybe I wouldn't have to sneak off. Something nagged in the back of my mind, but I kept choosing to ignore it.

As it turned out, the fair didn't take long. The boys were more interested in looking at the rides, and it was no wonder; they'd built better ones. In fact, I imagine that was the plan when Phineas winked at Ferb. "I know what we're going to do today!"

Candace had been in a better mood since Annie had talked to her. She and I ended up walking along behind the boys while she talked at me. I couldn't have gotten a word in edgewise if I'd wanted to, so I just left my phone in my pocket and listened until our brothers finished gathering ideas, and asked to go home.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way, and split up to find the items on Mom's list.

I was trying to find the right can of condensed soup when Phineas pulled on my shirt. "Perry, that lady's having trouble with her basket."

I turned around at the same moment she did, and my heart stopped. Hilda Doofenshmirtz blinked at me as I stepped protectively in front of my brothers. _No,no,no,no,no,no…_

Of course, at that moment, Mom came around the corner. "Oh, there you are, boys. Come pick out something for supper."

Phineas and Ferb walked away, and for a second, I thought I could get away with this. Then Phineas turned and looked back with those big, innocent eyes. "You coming, big bro?"

I winced involuntarily and pointed to the overflowing basket on her arm.

"Oh right. Well, we'll pick your favorite, kay?"

Thankfully he didn't wait for the thumbs up I was too numb to give. My cover was blown, in the worst possible way. My only hope what that my nemesis's sister was too dense to figure out… our eyes locked, and I could see that she wasn't. She watched them go with an almost curios expression on her face, then looked back in time to see my eyes steel over. Confusion blinked way to fear, and she took a step back, hitting the shelf. I calmly took her basket, and set in on the ground, then grabbed her wrist, and pulled her from the store, dialing my hover car as I did.

Yeah, I know. But the motorcycle's the coolest vehicle I have that my family can _see_.

I was a little surprised when she kept quiet as I shoved her into the passenger seat, and took off. We landed outside of O.W.C.A. headquarters, and I pulled her inside, to the nearest interrogation room. "Agent Plats, I…"

I slammed my palms onto the table and glared at her. She squirmed, and shut her mouth.

I grabbed the smart-phone from my pocket. It wasn't exactly protocol, but I wasn't going to risk my family. I typed a few things in, then turned the phone. ' _You have two options. One, I arrest you right here, and lock you away for life._ '

She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her her off with another glare.

' _Two, you can have your memory of this afternoon erased, and we pretend this never happened._ '

She ignored my glare this time and leapt to her feet. "Oh, imprisonment or brainwashing, _that's_ fair! I didn't even _do_ anything!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Today. I haven't done anything, today. I didn't exactly have time. Yesterday, I was pretty _tied up_ , if you recall!"

I ignored the twinge of guilt as I clicked back and forth between the two screens, drumming my fingers on the table.

"This can't be legal. You're the good guy. You… you…" Something flashed behind her eyes, and she bit her lip. She shrugged, and slid back into the chair. "Fine."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Wipe the memory. I'd insist on having you sign off on any long term health effects, but I guess that would be pointless." She glared at me, but it didn't stop my knees from going weak with relief.

I didn't grab her wrist this time, just walked to the door, and held it open.

She winced. "Right now?"

I nodded.

She gave a resigned sigh. "Might as well get it over with."

In her street clothes, with her shoulders slumped like that, and those huge, pleading eyes, she looked so, vulnerable. I brought her to the memory eraser, and pointed to the chair.

She mumbled under her breath as she settled into it. "Figures they wouldn't bother making it comfortable."

I lowered the helmet over her head, and almost froze when I saw it in her eyes; fear.

It was an imposing machine. But she'd chosen the life of crime.

"I don't suppose promising to pretend I never saw that would be enough?"

I turned away, summoning up Phineas and Ferb's faces. Besides, the machine was safe, and unlike all those -Inators, it had been tested; A courtesy her brother rarely showed before firing beams at _me._

I pulled the switch, and watched the last hour in reverse, stopping the process as she locked the door of D.E.I. No need to delve into her private life. I grimaced at the thought, and shut the machine down.

The fear was gone, and it had been replaced with a peaceful innocence of sleep. A useful side effect of the memory wiper.

Normally, that's when someone like Carl, the intern, would take over, but even though I had the clearance and the authority to make the call, her being my responsibility and all, there was no sense going into great detail that I'd almost been compromised. The threat was gone, and my family was safe. No sense in having Monogram over react and try to relocate me away from them now.

I didn't even bother calling for a stretcher, just picked her up, and carried her. I'm short, and she's not, but that made us about even in height, and she's as skinny as a rail, so it wasn't difficult. I loaded her back into the hover car, and took her home, hoping she'd walked to the store. Her house key was the only one in her pocket, and her brother was still nowhere to be seen, making my life easier for a change.

Trying to make things as normal as possible for her, I set her on the couch, and picked up the book from the stand, and put it into her her hands. She'd had time to clean up the Inator and trap from yesterday, so I figured that, at worst, she'd only spent the night tied to the chair. That thought made me take a second look around the room. Her self modified air conditioner had been going full blast, and it was frigid, so I draped the throw from the back of the couch over her. She looked comfortable enough. I shrugged, and went out the way I'd come it.

It wasn't my job to care. At the time, I had high hopes that once Doof got back, everything would go back to the way things were supposed to be.

I was so wrong.


	5. The Threat

The next day at work was amusing. Doofenshmirtz kept glancing at the calendar in confusion the whole time. She even stopped once to apologize. "Sorry about yesterday. I…" she shrugged, rubbing her head like it hurt. She'd tried to combine two evil schemes into one day, and the technical difficulties alone practically thwarted her for me.

I blew up the Whatever-it-was-supposed-to-do-Inator, left by the stairs, and headed home. With any luck, Doof would be back later, and things would return to normal.

Phineas and Ferb's invention had already vanished. According to them, it had literally just blinked out of existence a few moments ago. Candace tugged Mom into the yard, and covered her face. "Never mind."

"Who wants snacks?"

Yep, life was good.

There had been no problem with the memory wipe incident. Monogram hadn't even asked _why_ I'd dragged my nemesis' kid sister in there. I was pretty pleased with myself about the whole thing.

It was movie night, so I settled onto the floor between Phineas and Ferb while Dad, Mom, and Candace took the couch.

Halfway through the movie, my pocket vibrated. I gave the usual inward sigh as I quietly checked it.

'Agent P. Get out of the agency now, or your family will pay the price.' It was stamped with the O.W.C.A.'s water mark. Something only high priority messages from high up contained.

I glanced at the obliviously happy family members around me, and forwarded it to Monogram.

His reply didn't take long. 'We can't trace the threat.'

Phineas glanced over at me, frowning slightly when he saw that I was texting during the movie. He knew that it was 'work' related, but it bothered him all the same. He couldn't know that this might be more devastating that me just going away for a few hours. Still, if it meant keeping them safe…

' _Then we'll have to draw them out.'_

'I don't like this, Agent P. We need you."

' _Can't be helped. They'll have to know for sure that I'm following their instructions, and there's only one way to do that._ '

His reply took a little longer. 'I understand. I'll set up the paperwork.'

I blinked at the screen. I knew what I had to do, but I hadn't expected him to agree so fast.

Phineas leaned to whisper, "Everything okay?"

A lump formed in my throat as I smiled, ruffling his hair, wishing he'd called me 'big bro', since it was likely to be a while before I heard it again.

One thing I'll never do is endanger my family, so my options were limited. And the way things were going, I'd just lost contact with them, _and_ the O.W.C.A. I'd been in situations where I was in danger of losing one or the other before, but this was a whole new feeling altogether. To keep my family safe, I was going to have to go it alone.

For the first time in a long time, I just didn't know what to do.


	6. New Accommodations

I tried to keep from tearing up as I left my home for what could very well turn out to be the last time, but it wasn't easy, nor was I all that successful.

I texted Major Monogram. 'Operation off the grid is moving forward.'

He texted back within second. 'Are you sure about this, Agent P?'

'Sorry, Major. I can't risk anything happening to them.'

'I understand. How'd they take the news?'

I felt like such a coward. 'Don't know. I left a note.'

'Hmmm… well, how much of your gear are you taking? We'll need an inventory.'

'None of it. I'm going out clean, in case whoever is behind this can track it. I want them focusing on finding me.'

'I don't like this. You should have some equipment. What if they catch up to you?'

'You just forget about me, and focus on protecting my family. I'm trusting you big time on this.'

'Alright. We'll keep an eye out for you, but from this moment on, I can't help you.'

'Thanks. Agent P over and out.'

I made sure I was far enough from my home before I crushed the agency issued communicator, and continued on my way.

My plan was simple, yet insane. Keeping such a low profile limited my options severely. Even though I was skilled enough to vanish anywhere in the world, I just couldn't trust anyone, not even Monogram, to protect my family, so I needed to be close by. I thought of Annie's house, but even if that wasn't the first place anyone in the agency would think of looking for me, I didn't want to get her involved. It was those conditions that brought about the insane part of my plan.

I made sure no one was following me as I made for my destination. I took the stairwell, then knocked on the door just for the novelty of it.

I glanced over my shoulder, and slipped my hat on. I probably shouldn't have brought it, but I'd left the camera that was supposed to be in the brim behind, so it really was just a hat. Maybe I just needed to take some little scrap of my life with me, to reassure myself that things were going to work out, but I also wasn't sure that the person I was going to for help would even recognize me without the fedora.

After a few minutes, the door opened just a crack, and blue eyes narrowed as it started to shut again.

Drat! I rolled my eyes to hide my panic as I pushed the door open. I picked her up by the shoulders, and set her aside, stepping in,and closing the door in one smooth motion.

Hilda Doofenshrmitz glared at me. I shrugged calmly, but it was forced. I glanced around the apartment, looking for some sign that Doof had come back. He was only supposed to be gone a few days, right? My whole plan had counted on him being here. With him gone… options, or my lack of them swirled through my head as I clenched my fist, crumpling the paper in my hand.

She snatched it, and read it with a quiet whisper. "'Can I…' No! You cannot stay here! What are you even doing here?!"

I sighed, and took the second piece of paper from my pocket; this was always the most problematic part of my plan, no matter which Doofenshmirtz I was dealing with. Honestly, I was surprised that she hadn't pulled out some sort of ray gun yet.

I suppose that my nemesis' sister had every right to crumple the note without reading it, and order me out. But somehow I knew her curiosity would get the better of her.

Sure enough, she muttered something under her breath, and read this note silently. All of the suspicion was evident as she looked back up at me. "You went rogue." There was no tilt to make it a question, but it wasn't a statement, either.

I took out my notepad, and jotted down. 'The O.W.C.A. is looking for me.'

She crossed her arms. "I fail to see how that's my problem."

It really wasn't, except for the fact that I couldn't think of a more ideal location. I wrote quickly. 'I don't have anywhere else to go.'

"Still not my problem. Now if my brother were the governor of the Tri-State-Area, I might be able to find it in myself to feel sorry for you. As it is…"

She trailed off as I showed her another note. 'Please.' To add a little extra force to the blow, I let my guard down, just a little.

She tried not to let her eyes soften, I could tell. But I could also tell that I had her. She glanced down at the bag in my hand, filled with the barest necessities, then back at my face. I let my eyes go just a little wider, a trick that always got me out of the principal's office.

She gritted her teeth. "One night. That's it, then you're out of here, got that?"

I smirked, knowing that no mater how much I ticked her off from this point on, I'd won. She glared at me, but instead of trying to shove me out the door, she turned on her heals, and marched me towards the spare bedroom.

She pushed the door open, and stood in the doorway. "You can leave your things in your bag, and the bathroom's down the hall, as you probably know anyway. If you need anything, by all means, don't ask. I think we can both agree I've done more than you had a right to beg for. And if Heinz finds you, I had nothing to do with this."

She started to go, then clicked the light on, and wrinkled her nose. "It's dusty. The sheets are clean; or they were when I made the bed, who knows how long ago."

I gave her a thumbs up, and walked into the room. I'd been expecting to have to beg a place to stay off of Doof, and for him to stick me in a trap, so this was actually an improvement.

She shrugged, and shut the door.


	7. Breakfast with the Enemy

I woke up in the strange room, and it took me a second to remember where I was, and why the heck I was there. I exhaled slowly, trying to dispel the rush of homesickness that overtook me.

I hadn't bothered to change last night, so I figured I might as well do it now. As I did, I took another look around the guest room, which seemed to have even more cobwebs in the daylight. It was kind of sad, really. Once upon a time, someone had obviously taken the effort to create a nice space for any visitors who might find the need to spend the night. It looked like I was the first person to enter the room in years.

I opened the door, and was hit in the face with the smell of fried bacon. Food moved up my priority list, and I began wishing that I'd thought to buy some before sneaking into the building last night. But after being forced to leave my family… it just hadn't been important.

I slipped down the hall, and peered around the corner into the kitchen, just in case Doof was back, or he'd planted any traps before he left.

Hilda was standing at the stove, creating the source of the savory smells. She looked over her shoulder, eying me warily. "I might as well tell you that Heinz still isn't back. It's just about ready. Take a seat."

My eyes widened of their own accord; this, I'd never have suspected. I stepped over to the chair and sat down, half expecting restrains to close over my wrists. But nothing happened.

She set the fry-pan on the table, next to the bowl of eggs. "I'm forgetting something. Oh, right." Instead of pulling out a remote to drop a trap over my head, she grabbed some orange juice out of the refrigerator, and held it up. "Or would you prefer coffee?"

My eyes darted around the kitchen and came to rest on the coffee maker, freshly filled. I pointed to that, and she put the juice away, and poured a second cup. "Black?"

I shook my head.

"Really? How many sugars?" I noted she had a teaspoon instead of real sugar cubes, and held up two fingers. "Really? Cream?" I nodded, and she refrained from asking me 'really' again, which was just as well, because she was starting to tick me off. What? A secret agent couldn't have sugar in his coffee all of a sudden?

She sat the cup down by my plate, then sat down and gestured to the food. "Help yourself."

If she was going to go out of her way to feed me, I certainly wasn't going to complain. I noted that there was plenty, and took a double portion, just in case her good will only extended to this meal. I tasted a bite, then dug in, hunger taking over. Evil or no, the woman could cook! I stopped shoveling food in my mouth mid-forkful when I realized she was just sitting across from me, staring, with her chin resting on folded hands.

I straighted, and shot her a funny look.

She raised her eyebrows. "You _do_ realize that I could have easily poisoned everything on this table, right?"

 _Well, technically…_

"You're Heinz's nemesis. Yet you show up in the middle of the night, demand a place to stay, and just, trust me not to slit your throat in your sleep? You didn't even lock the door."

She'd obviously been trying to figure all that out for a while. I took a sip of coffee as I thought that over, and she rolled her eyes, letting her hand fall to the table with a smack. "Unbelievable! Have you completely lost it? I could have easily gotten rid of you by now!"

I smirked. _But you didn't._

She looked taken aback, then started plating her own food. "Just because you were right doesn't mean it wasn't stupid."

I shrugged, giving her that much in the hopes that she'd just drop it. The truth was, once she'd pointed it out, I was as confused as she was. Why was staying at my nemesis' house the least of my worries? And why did the thought of her slipping poison into my breakfast just make me want to laugh?


	8. Business Lunch

Hilda made up for not saying much during breakfast by prattling on about every creaky pipe and floorboard in the building while I gave her a hand cleaning up. I was grateful when she didn't mention some sort of payment, because I had to conserve what little cash I'd been able to bring for emergencies.

After she handed me the last dish to dry, things got awkward. Normally, her brother would start working on some crazy machine, then I'd show up to trash it a little later in the day while she either helped, or watched quietly from the sidelines.

She leaned on the sink, trying to look like she was in deep thought. "Well, I w _as_ going to try and corner the dairy market, but since it doesn't look like you'll be clearing out any time soon, I guess I'll just…" she looked a little lost, "…modify my toaster."

I nodded gratefully. _You do that._ It would make my life a lot easier if I didn't have to worry about thwarting my host for a while. Of course, the word host always makes me think of my family, just from hearing Monogram call them that so often. I walked to the balcony, then headed back into the kitchen. She'd already killed the toaster… and the blender. I wasn't sure how, since neither looked to be recklessly smashed open, but I didn't care enough to ask.

I coughed to get her attention. She looked up, clearly annoyed. "What?"

I cupped a hand around one eye, then cupped the other one, and focused it out further.

Her brow wrinkled in irritation instead of confusion. "It's in the closet in the living room."

I smiled my thanks and went to drag Doof's telescope to the balcony. I focused in on my home, and gave a huge sigh of relief when I saw that, not only were the kids playing safely in the backyard, but Isabella's brother, a colleague of mine, was watching them. Knowing they were safe didn't ease the ache of knowing that they were out of my reach, though. I missed them already. Somehow, watching them from afar just made that ache worse, instead of soothing it.

Nothing else was amiss in the city. It was too early for anything to be wrong because of the threat, really. I covered the lens and made sure it wasn't still pointed at the house, then wandered back into the kitchen where I'd left the scientist's assistant. The food processor had paid the price of my negligence.

Instead of rebuilding each one, she was using the carnaged parts to make a separate, new appliance that would do the job of all three while taking up much less space. No blueprints, nothing. It intrigued me.

Neither Doofenshmirtz ever managed to strike people as being all that bright, but when you consider what went into each invention, (and they always work, by the way) you have to come to the same conclusion I did a long time ago; he's brilliant. I'd always assumed that she just handed him things, but now… I wasn't so sure she wasn't even just as smart as her brother. Knowing that either of them had squandered the last five years making complex inventions that just had to be stopped ticked me off.

She caught the look, and glared at me. "You're not going to destroy this as soon as I'm done, are you?"

I crossed my arms. _Is it evil?_

Apparently it was a rhetorical question. She just went back to working on it, testing things, tightening others. I got bored and went back to the balcony to watch the boys. As I watched them, I realized why the almost impossible speed the Doofenshmirtzs put things together never fazes me; the boys and their friends had already build an enormous, multileveled maze in the backyard, and were trying to get through it while Pinky, um,Isabella's brother, it's a nickname, people, and not really a fair one, since he can't help the unfortunate tint to his skin, anyway… he stood by watching the proceedings with a look of awe on his face. He'd seen them work before, but not as much as I did.

An odd mixture of pride and sadness washed over me. The sad part because, here I was, with no one to thwart, and I couldn't even hope to spend time with them, because whatever this was didn't appear to be going away. I wasn't even sure what to wait for, or how to begin tracking down the idiot who'd dared to threaten my family.

I lowered the telescope away from the house and went to check on my host around noon, just to make sure she really wasn't building something evil. She'd worked the electric skillet and a couple other appliances I didn't recognize into the thing. She pushed it over to the cupboard beside the fridge and turned a dial. Within minutes, it was spitting out grilled cheese sandwiches. She bit into one, chewed thoughtfully, then handed me the next one while she took another bite.

I didn't see how you could wrong with grilled cheese. It tasted fine to me, but she shook her head and walked over to her fridge, and started rooting around. Toast crumbs spit out with the words, "Needs syrup."

 _Syrup?_

Sure enough, she pulled a bottle of maple syrup from the back of the fridge, and drizzled it on top of her sandwich, making me want to gag. She caught the look. "What? It makes it taste like French toast."

She slid the bottle over to me. I finished my sandwich plain. She rolled her eyes, then her mouth twisted into a familiar smirk that put me on guard. She walked over, snatched the bottle, poured syrup over another sandwich, and held it out to me. "If you want more, you're going to have to try it."

I wasn't sure how to take that challenge. Any normal day, I'd just get another grilled cheese sandwich, but… this was the second time she'd fed me, after giving me a bed to sleep in for the night. There was refusing to give into an enemy, and then there was just being stubborn. I begrudgingly took the sandwich, and bit into it.

She watched me, giving a victorious smile at whatever she saw on my face. "Told ya."

I rolled my eyes. So it tasted good. Big deal. I nodded over her shoulder, where her new kitchen appliance was still spitting out enough sandwiches to feed Danville.

"Darn it!" She shut it down, and sighed, then started shoving sandwiches into freezer bags. Suddenly, I felt guilty for not pointing it out earlier. After all, I'd been told plenty of times what a tight budget they were trying to live off of. Failing to take over the Tri-State-Area didn't pay well, and her brother squandered his alimony checks early each month.

I grabbed a freezer bag, and started helping her clean up. She scowled at me, and shoved a sandwich into my mouth. I crammed it in the rest of the way defiantly. She suddenly giggled. Just for a second. She quickly covered her mouth and turned her head, but I'd heard it, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what brought it on.


	9. The Stroll

We spent the rest of the day avoiding each other like the plague, which was much more comfortable. I stayed on the balcony with the telescope, and she wandered around the house, doing what I assumed to be what she normally did after I left each day. It amounted to tidying up the mess from her invention, doing a few chores, then curling up with a book.

Not so bad, if you didn't consider the fact that she likely did this day in and day out, twenty four seven, three sixty five, with only the world's most annoying older brother for company.

Routine was one thing, but at least I had a family to go home to. Or… I peered back through the telescope… I'd once had a family to go home to.

She got up off the couch, and after a while, I realized she was making supper. I tried to shrug off my guilt by telling myself that she'd have reached the end of her rope by now. I'd never expected one meal. I kept surveying the area, until she came out onto the balcony, and set a plate and a glass of water by me without a word. I stared at it, then watched her go back into the kitchen, and start eating her own food.

 _Why?_

She'd made it clear I wasn't welcome here. I'd already prepared my argument to weasel another night's stay out of her, but she seemed oddly resigned to it. Was her brother scheduled to show up at any minute? That would make more sense if I didn't come here daily on my own accord. Still, this hadn't been my plan. I'd planned on dealing with Doof, not showing up and making extra work for his kid sister.

I didn't feel bad enough to do anything about it, though. I ate my chicken pot pie, and brought my plate to the sink to wash it. I wondered why she didn't have a dishwasher, and then I remembered that she'd scrapped it for parts a few months back. Apparently the inventor in her didn't think it was worth making a new one to handle the load for two people.

She was watching me warily when I turned around. I pointed to the oven, gave her a thumbs up, and headed into the guest bedroom.

She didn't offer a single protest. It got me thinking about how quiet she'd been all afternoon. It really wasn't like her.

From that first day I'd met her, she'd proved to be as much of a conversationalist as her brother. It had been nearly impossible to get out of that trap while she'd fired question after question at me. "Why is your hair teal? Or is it aqua marine? Turquoise?" Doof had, ironically, been forced to come to my rescue. He took her by the arm, and led her away like she really was three years old or something. "Hildie, you need to let me talk to my nemesis, now, alright?"

That had been a little over three years ago, and I figured she'd been sixteen or seventeen at the time, though she'd seemed younger then. I guess she's learned a lot over the years, about how the world outside of Drusselstein works.

I shook off the memories, and tried to get to sleep, wondering again for the thousandth time if there wasn't something else I could be doing to protect my family.

* * *

—

The next morning, I woke up early. The first thing I did was check on the house. Phineas and Ferb weren't even up yet, but at least I could see that the house was still standing.

Walking around my nemesis's house while his sister was still asleep felt too awkward, so I grabbed a duster, and went back to 'my' room. The dust and cobwebs had started to get to me last night. Once I'd taken care of them, the room was pretty much restored to it's former glory. It got me wondering if she'd just decorated it because they hadn't needed the space, or if she'd ever expected her negligent family to come and visit, if she'd even had anything to do with it at all. Somehow, I couldn't picture Doof bothering to set up a guest room.

I wasn't sure were all this newfound apathy for her had come from. Sympathy, sure. She lived a pathetic existence. But I wasn't used to _feeling_ her pain.

I wandered out to make breakfast since I figured that it wasn't fair to eat her food _and_ make her cook it, but she'd already beaten me to it. This time she'd gone so far as having served out mine. She looked even more withdrawn. Almost, vulnerable. Which was strange, because I knew how hard she worked to keep from looking that way.

Instead of sitting down, I put my hand on her shoulder. _You okay?_

She shrugged away from me. "Just eat."

Something had happened. I didn't know if it was a phone call from home, or a dreamt memory, but knowing her, I'd hear about before the day was over.

To my shock, she refused to say another word.

It was fine with me, since trying to figure her out was just distracting me anyway. I needed to fix this threat, and deal with it, so that I could get back to my family. I wasn't looking forward to spending another day holed up with Hilda, so I slipped out the door immediately after breakfast.

The problem was, I didn't have a clue where to go. I couldn't risk going home, and I certainly couldn't risk showing myself at the O.W.C.A. since that was what the threat had mentioned in the first place.

So I wandered aimlessly. The summer breeze felt good. I was trying to figure out the whole mess, but my mind kept wandering. To my family, of course. I even considered dropping in to see Annie, or one of the other agents, just for a second, to check in. But I couldn't do that anymore than I could show up at the O.W.C.A.

I cursed myself for smashing my communicator. I'd done it to prove to anyone monitoring me that I really was getting out of there. And to close me off as effectively as I needed to. As much as this was grating on my nerves, I knew it would be nearly impossible to resist calling in for answers if my communicator was still strapped to my wrist.

I considered buying one of those prepaid cell-phones, but even that had its risks. If anyone guessed any messages were coming from, or going to me… no. It just wasn't an option. Not yet.

I stopped, and leaned against a tree, looking for some sign I was being followed, or observed. No signs, unfortunately. Pursuit would have been welcome at this point.

I felt lost. It was like my feet had been kicked out from under me, and I wasn't Perry Plats, _or_ Perry Flynn-Fletcher anymore. Something twisted in my gut at that thought.

No.

I was _still_ Perry Flynn-Fletcher, and I always would be. This was all about keeping them safe, and, somehow, I was going to beat it.

I sighed, wondering how they'd taken my disappearance, and that pitiful excuse of a note I'd left on the table. That led to wondering what Phineas and Ferb were up to. I knew Candace was trying to bust them, or talking to Stacy.

 _Focus_. To get back to them, I needed to figure out who was behind this threat. As top agent in the O.W.C.A. the list of my enemies isn't exactly short. But there are people that sit closer to the top than others.

Where _was_ Doof during all of this, anyway? Come to think of it, that text had come pretty soon after the whole incident with Hilda. Yet, somehow… neither of them seemed to fit the bill. Maybe that O.W.C.A. watermark was just a blind, but Doof threatening my family? That would be a new low, even for him.

Hilda now, _she_ was acting weird. Not being able to build inators was one thing, but that grilled cheese machine of hers had worked just fine. And the lack of annoying prattling was something else. There was definitely something she didn't want me to know. So maybe she still didn't fit. After all, she'd had her memory of my family _erased_.

But something was definitely up with her, and it was high time I figured it out.


	10. Bad Company

It was almost dark by the time I got back, and I was mentally kicking myself. No doubt Hilda had been busy while I was away. Just because I had darker villains to worry about didn't mean I could ignore potential threats like… I burst in through the door, and she startled so badly she fell off the couch where she'd sinisterly been… reading, her book.

She gave me that old familiar attempt at a glare as she got up, brushing herself off. "You didn't have to scare the Donklestomp out of me!" She plopped back onto the couch, and tried to find her place in the book. I stood there awkwardly, looking from her, to the door I'd knocked from its hinges, then around the room, this time hoping a trap would spring up out of nowhere to justify my entrance. When one didn't, I silently set about putting the door back on its hinges.

She didn't even look up. "Leave it. I've fixed it enough times to learn its peculiarities by now." Almost as an afterthought, she added over her shoulder. "I did your laundry."

Nothing she'd ever fired at me had hit quite that hard. _What on earth?_ Sure, I'd appreciated the lack of evil plots the first day, but I'd expected to be back to our old selves by now.

She turned her head and must've read the questions on my face, because her glare deepened. "Well from the way you stormed out of here without any of your stuff, I figured you'd be back eventually, so there was really no point trying anything today."

 _I come every day._

If she'd read my mind that time, she refused to acknowledge it.

I got the door to click back in place, but it fell in again.

There was an annoyed sigh from the couch. "I _told_ you, I'll fix it. Dinner's in the fridge."

I rubbed my arm, and headed for the guest room instead. This whole thing was just a bad idea. As I stood there, staring at the clean clothes she'd laid out, I couldn't help but wonder what she'd been doing in my room in the first place. My gaze fell on my bag, and my heartbeat quickened. I snatched it up, and zipped open the inside pocket. Nothing out of place. I took a deep breath, and then I saw it. The little yellow blinker the boys had installed to let me know that someone had found, and opened, the secret pocket inside. I quickly opened it, feeling no relief when the flash-drive was there, intact. _Idiot!_ I should have taken it with me.

I marched back out to the couch, and before Doofenshmirtz knew what was happening, she was on the floor again. I wrenched her arm behind her back and pinned her, sticking the flash-drive in front of her. I didn't need to see her face to know that she paled.

I twisted her arm a little more. Not enough to really hurt her, but enough to remind her that I _could_.

She swallowed. "I… I just wanted to know what was going on. I only looked at the top file, I swear!"

I considered twisting her arm harder, but the catch in her voice stopped me. "I thought it was all some sort of O.W.C.A. malarkey; you staying on full time instead of just popping in. I knew you were hiding something, so, when you vanished this morning, I went into your room…" Her voice snapped back to normal. " _My_ guest-room, and when saw your bag lying there, I snooped. You a _re_ my brother's nemesis after all. I told you that you were being too trusting."

As much as I hated to admit it, she had a point, though it didn't excuse her.

"Are you going to break my arm, or let me up?"

I glared at her, then slowly backed off. She got up, warily, rubbing her arm, then jerked her head to the computer. "You can check the memory banks. It will show you exactly what I saw."

Unless it was some trick. Still, it was worth looking into. I sat down, and brought up her recent history. As she'd said, only my mission status had been opened. My family was safe. But… why? I turned to look at her.

She was staring at her feet. "I know we're enemies by default and all, but whatever trouble you're in… it's not really because you went rogue. I know you better than that." The last sentence was said so quietly, it was like she was ashamed to admit it. Slowly, her questioning eyes drifted to mine, capturing my gaze.

I broke free, and turned the flash-drive over in my hand, then plugged it back in. As much as I hated to admit it, I'd yet to come up with a plan, and, so far, she was the only one I dared to involve, and she'd willingly put up with quite a bit. I still wanted to know why, but there's that saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth, and I had to admit that by letting me stay here, she'd made my life easier than it could have been since the threat.

Since I'd dragged her into this, I figured I might as well tell her as much of the truth as I could. At least if she decided to turn on me, my family wouldn't suffer the consequences. Whoever had threatened me just told me to get out. Technically, I was complying.

I moused over the part of the file detailing my fake trial, confession, and dishonorable discharge, and brought up a note, and started typing. ' _It was all for show. I was blackmailed._ '

"That doesn't sound like you, either."

Neither did hinting at my biggest weakness to someone sure to tell my nemesis, yet here I was. ' _They found out what was important to me, and threatened it._ '

That shut her up.

' _So I played along, and got Monogram in on the act. Long story short, the people who were threatening me are still out there, and that's why I needed a place to stay. Technically, the O.W.C.A._ _is_ _looking for me. It's just the blackmailer I'm concerned with._ '

"How can I help?"

I turned to stare at her in shock.

She rolled her eyes. "You came to _my_ door, asked to stay in _my_ building, and you have been, for two days. I think we're beyond the whole, 'why would you help your brother's nemesis, thing, don't you?"

 _Why are you helping me?_

She shrugged. "Technically, I owe you one. Several, actually. I've lost count of the times Heinz or I would have died if you hadn't come back for us. I know you're the good guy, and it's your job, but still…" She broke of with another shrug, eyes narrowing a little in irritation as she crossed her arms. "Do you want my help or not?"

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry things have been so boring for the past few chapters. I've got more of the story written, but a lot of it needs to go through some deep editing. If anyone has any suggestions for further chapters, I'd love to hear them!**

 **Thanks for reading this far!**


	11. Nightmare Scenerio

I don't know why I didn't turn down her offer, and leave, right then, but, I didn't. It was strange to be, in a way, working together. She offered me full use of her computer, and the password-inator that had allowed her access to my secret compartment. I'd have to confiscate it later, of course, but in the meantime… I suddenly had more access to O.W.C.A. than I'd ever had before.

While I delved deep into the archives, she was busy tinkering with old pieces of inators I'd personally destroyed. Only instead of building something evil, she was working on replicating the equipment I was used to working with. I was surprised to realize that I was looking forward to testing her versions out.

We kept on like that for hours. The comfortable silence between us was vastly preferable to her brother rambling on and on about his evil plots and back stories.

After a while, I realized that she was the only one working. I was just watching her. Something about the situation bothered me, and it took a moment to figure out what it was. I quickly jotted something down on a piece of paper, and handed it to her. ' _You ought to smile more._ '

She stared at it, then at me. "I was smiling?"

I nodded.

"Well… I was just thinking how I could use this technique in the latest plot I have brewing."

 _And she's back._ I rolled my eyes, and started writing again. ' _Why do you do that? Every time I try to show you that you're not evil, you try harder to be._ '

"You don't think I'm evil?"

I switched to the computer since I type faster than I write. ' _I think you could be if you wanted to. But you obviously don't._ '

"Where have you been the past five years? Oh yeah, thwarting me!"

 _Technically, your brother._ I sighed. ' _I don't know why I bother.'_ I really didn't. After all, why should it matter now, after all these years?' _So what's your scheme? Might as well give me the monologue now and save some time._ '

"It's not ready yet. You know how these things work."

' _How can it not be ready? You've had three days!_ '

"I've been a little busy." She shot me an accusing glare, then refused to say another word.

I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't because she didn't really have an argument. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she'd always played the sidelines. Never getting involved if she could help it.

After we'd turned in, I fell asleep almost instantly. I woke up an hour later, instinctively on edge. I lay in bed for a moment, wondering what had woken me, when I realized that someone was crying. Considering where I was… I rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep. After a few minutes, I sighed, and got up.

I slowly opened the door, just meaning to peek in and make sure she hadn't hurt herself somehow. She was in bed, curled around a pillow that wasn't quite muffling her quiet sobs. Despite myself, something lurched in my chest. She just looked so, vulnerable. There it was again. Through all the fights, the rambling, the countless hours of traumatic back-stories, I'd never seen her hurt this close to the surface.

I hesitated. She was still my enemy. But… even the comfort an enemy could offer would be better than just, leaving her there to cry her heart out alone. I crept into the room, and eased onto the side of the bed. She barely noticed as I put my hand on her shoulder. Her only reaction was to bury her face deeper into the pillow.

She'd had a hard life, and I knew most of her story. Looking at the picture of the crooked man on her nightstand, it all flashed before me as if I'd seen it, instead of just heard it. Born the youngest of three children, her parents had practically ignored her since birth. Her oldest brother, an evil scientist bent on world domination, was the only one to care for her. According to her, she'd never have survived if he hadn't watched out for her.

My nemesis had told me his back story many, many times during the five years I'd fought him. According to him, the same parents had neglected to show up for his birth, forced him to work as a garden gnome, of all things, named their dog Only Son, made him wear dresses that had been intended for a baby girl that turned out to be the middle brother, and disowned him for not jumping from the high dive, forcing him to move in with ocelots. Apparently Rodger had been enough for them, and when they finally had the daughter they'd wanted, they'd treated her just as badly as their oldest son. Doof, a teenager trying to make his way in the America at the time, had taken her under his wing, helping when he could. Shortly after that, he'd married his now ex-wife, and they'd had a daughter of their own before splitting up. I still didn't know what had suddenly changed enough for her to come all the way over here to move in with him, but I did know that Vanessa and Hilda were the two bright points in his life.

I glared at the picture. She could adore him all she wanted; but right at that moment I was pretty ticked off at him. She may not have survived without him, but I highly doubted she would have decided to be evil without him, either, and what kind of thing was that to do to a kid?

I reached for her other shoulder, and started to massage them gently. It had calmed me down the time Mom found me crying in the middle of the night. I shoved aside the memory of Terrance Turks, and focused on Hilda. She'd stopped crying, but she had her face buried so deeply in her pillow, I was afraid it was because she'd smothered herself. I gently reached to pull it away, but she put up such a fight, I decided she was fine, and let her keep it. Mom had spoken comforting words to me. I couldn't do that, so I did what I could, and hoped it would still have the same effect.

When the tension left her shoulders completely, I reached for the pillow again. It came away easily this time, and I slipped it under her head, and smoothed out her covers. I resisted the urge to kiss her forehead, and wondered where it had come from in the first place.

I shrugged, and headed back for my own room, deciding that Mom must've done that to me, or something.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, sorry for this, but I just couldn't resist. For one thing, Perry trying awkwardly to comfort a crying girl is just too cute to pass up! And yes, my Terence Turks comment is a reference to that "Hey look, it's Agent T! Too soon?" comment from Monogram in The Remains of the Platypus episode in season 3. Not a huge moment, but it** _ **did**_ **get me wondering, and there you go! (Yeah, tramatized teenage Perry needed comfort from his Mom after a mission was too good to pass up, too.)**

 **Thanks for reading this far! Feel free to drop a review! (Seriously, it's free. ;)**


	12. Soufle?

The next day, when I woke up, the room had become almost familiar. I shook off the feeling as I threw some clothes on. I was the first one up, again, so I headed straight into the kitchen to make breakfast. My plan backfired when I woke her up, not to the smell of a hot meal, but the earsplitting sound of her smoke detectors. She stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. "Did you blow something up?"

I shrugged sheepishly then turned my attention back to the green, smoking butter in the frypan in front of me. She shoved me aside, and pulled it off the burner, turning the heat down. She clicked a button over the stove, and turned to give me a smug smile as a powerful fan sucked the smoke from the room.

I rolled my eyes. _How am I supposed to know how to work your kitchen?_

The smirk dissolved, and she started looking uncomfortable, no doubt remembering crying last night. Not wanting to talk about it anymore than she did, I figured this was as good a time as any to show her what I'd done to the toast.

She raised an eyebrow, and tapped it on the counter. It practically disintegrated. "And they call _me_ evil."

Two sharp raps pounded on the door. We both turned to stare at it in shock. She walked over to the peephole she'd installed after I'd shown up. Her face paled, and she leapt back from the door.

 _They found me._ I instinctively stood at the ready, but then she gasped. "Heinz is back!"

 _Oh. Why is she…_ She turned to give me a desperate look, and I realized that having her brother find his nemesis in his kitchen burning breakfast with her probably wasn't high on her bucket list. I gave her a thumbs up, and bolted for the guest room.

She gave me a moment, or maybe just took one for herself, then opened the door. "Heinz! You're back! I was wondering if you'd decided to go to the family reunion."

The door slammed. "How'd you know about that?"

"I got a letter."

His voice snapped. "Roger. He must've finally caved and told them where you where. Funny that they didn't send _this,_ too."

"What is it?"

"These are our invitations. Postmarked two days _after_ the rescheduled reunion, and a day after the phone call I got cussing me out for missing it."

"Oh." The hurt in her voice contrasted the anger in his.

His voice softened. "Don't be sad, Crumbkin. I didn't want you to have to put up with them anyway." I cracked the door open just a little more, and peered out. He'd pulled her into a comforting hug. She looked so content, snuggled into his arms, I felt that strange tolerance building back up towards my nemesis. He was many things, but at least he was a good big brother. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he cared for her as much as I cared for _my_ siblings, but…

He frowned, and sniffed. "What happened here?"

Her smile faded, and her face paled again. "I burned breakfast." She winced like she knew it was a poor excuse the second it came out of her mouth.

He scoffed. "You burned breakfast. _You?!_ "

She bit her lip as he started looking around the kitchen suspiciously. Then the panic eased from her face, and she let her voice quiver. "I-I'm s-sorry. I j-just was s-so d-distracted, thinking ab-bout…" she buried her face in her hands, and turned away. "Soufle!"

I smirked as he rushed back to her, pulling her back in his arms and cooing, "No, no, no, no, no… it's _fine_ if you burned breakfast! Of _course_ anyone would burn breakfast if they were thinking about Soufle!"

 _Soufle? What the heck is soufle, and why haven't I heard this story?_

He patted her back, then tipped her chin up. "Don't you ever apologize to me. Do you hear me?"

It could have been a threat, but it was a plea. She smiled, wiped away a crocodile tear, and nodded. "Thanks, Heinz."

He smiled back. "There, now that's better. So, what are the plans for the day?"

The pretense vanished. Genuine depression settled in. "I've been in a rut for the past few days. Total creative mind block."

I got ready to bolt for a window in case she decided to come clean about _everything_ , but I was just as ready to step in in case things got out of hand. She'd alluded to the fact that she wanted to take over the Tri-State-Area to prove herself to her big brother so many times…

He was the picture of understanding. "What's the matter, Crumbkin?"

I made a mental note to use her nickname against her somehow.

"I don't know. It just, doesn't seem worth it anymore. I'm tired of failing all the time."

"Well, we'll just make sure to succeed today, won't we?"

Somehow, I got the feeling that this would not bode well for me.


	13. Doof's Back

I waited until their -Inator was about finished, then climbed out the window, around the molding, and crashed in through another window.

She feigned her surprise well, but then, that was fairly routine. "Agent Plats!"

Her brother called out in a sing song voice. "Accounted for!"

He pressed a button, and the floor under me spun. As I fell into it, restraints clamped around my wrists and ankles.

He chuckled. "So, Perry the agent, we meet again."

I shrugged, leveling a glare at both of them.

"I've neglected to take care of you for too long. All too soon, you're going to be my _former_ nemesis. In two minutes and twenty five seconds, to be exact."

 _What?_

"What?" To her credit, she looked as shocked as I felt.

He pressed a button, and a laser lowered from the ceiling. I recognized the split-inator he used to cut pieces for inventions. In retrospect, probably something I shouldn't have let him keep.

He pressed a button, and a timer started to count down. "Adds a flare of drama, don't you think? Sorry to put an end to our little fights, but this is what you get for making _my_ little sister feel like a failure. Anyway, let me tell you my plan, while I fire up this baby!"

I tested my bonds. They were far too tight, and if Hilda had finished any of my tools, she hadn't given them to me yet. I wasn't just trapped. I was r _eally_ trapped.

She saw it in my eyes. At least, I think she did from the way she winced.

"As you can see, Perry the agent, you showed up just in time to witness the completion of my latest Inator. It's inspired by our family picnic, that was supposed to be next week, but was actually held last week, without either of us."

Now usually, I listen, but since I already knew the backstory, and I was in a jam, I drowned him out as he told me again how their family had gone out of their way to exclude them as painfully as possible.

I was no closer to being freed as I glanced back at the timer, which was about to hit zero.

"Behold, the Disfunction-inator! It will make all families dysfunctional, making ours functional by comparison! And this time, there's nothing you can do to stop it." Doof smirked, but he didn't look all that happy about it. He glanced over his shoulder at me, and seemed surprised to find that I was still tied up. He frowned, and there was almost an apology in his eyes as he turned deliberately away.

The laser started up, a foot above my head, and started to slice slowly down.

Ironic, really, that it would end this way, since I was currently living in his guest room. I shot look at my host, well, the one who'd actually allowed me to stay. _I guess this is goodbye._

Her face had gone pale, and she looked utterly conflicted. I could feel the laser getting closer to my scalp. _Phineas, Ferb, Candace… hopefully the O.W.C.A. can keep them safer than I did…_

The clamps popped open, and I sprang free just in time. As I rolled to a fighting stance, I noticed the remote she tried to hide as she slipped it back into her pocket. Our eyes met for a second. Hers were big, and pleading. I gave a slight nod, giving her the assurance she was seeking. _I won't hurt your brother._

That's when she tossed me the ray gun in her other hand, while spinning to yell, "Heinz! He's free!"

"Impossible!" My nemesis sounded more happy than upset as he turned around, but I was already pointing the gun at the self destruct button that seemed to be the incorporated part of Doofenshmritz Evil. Hilda yanked her brother out of the way, and I fired, then dove out the broken window.

Without my chute.

I clung to the edge, hoping that Doof wouldn't check to make sure I was gone.

"Curse you, Agent Plats!"

"I- I'm sorry, Heinz."

Doof's reassuring voice had a nonchalant happiness to it, like it had been his duty to try to get rid of me, but since he'd tried, he was in the clear. "It's not your fault I got paired with that jerk. He's very efficient. I consider it a compliment, really. He's w _ay_ more professional than the other nemesis I've fought, Agent Pander. Speaking of which…"

Her voice brightened. "Before we clean up, do you want to have our own reunion? We could go get an ice cream, like we did on allowance day."

He chuckled, a warm sound that didn't sound evil at all. "Sure, Crumbkin."

I knew that wasn't as normal as it sounded. Allowance day, but not as in one day a week. It was one day a year that she and her brother got their allowance, because the whole year's worth of allowance added up to a single coin. Which was just cruel, because their middle brother got the same amount twice a week, and they had all the chores. The allowance day she was referring too must been when he was visiting her back in Drusselstein, so he'd probably been under his parents' thumbs again, too. Seriously, you couldn't help feeling bad for these two, and that's coming from a guy Doof's tried to kill multiple times.

"Um, just, let me grab a clean lab coat… would you mind holding the elevator?"

"Sure."

The door shut, and she appeared at the ledge. She broke into a relieved smile when she found me dangling off the side of the building. "Thanks."

I shrugged, then glanced down to remind myself to keep my grip.

"Hey!"

I looked back up, and she tossed something down to me. I clung to the wall with one hand, and caught it in the other; a grappling hook. I smiled my thanks.

She vanished, and the door shut again. I hurried to scale the side of the building before they made it to the ground floor, then sat there by the window for a few moments.

The battle was over, and I was alone in this big empty building with nothing but a smoldering pile of machine parts to keep me company. _No wonder she acts so depressed. This is her life, every day._

I shoved aside the wave of sympathy, and started to pick up, when I realized that Heinz was finally back.

It was my original plan, but I was having second thoughts about telling my nemesis I was here. Hilda seemed to think we should keep it a secret, even though one little sniffle from her would probably have him _begging_ me not to go yet. Maybe I should have cleared out then, but I just went around the house, trying to find any sign that I'd been here. I found my notepad and flashdrive stashed in a flowerpot. I rolled my eyes at Hilda's impromptu improvisation, and stuck them in my backpack.

I spent the next hour watching the boys playing in the back yard, Candace trying to bust them, and them all around having a good time. As they went inside for snacks, I sighed, wondering if things would ever go back to normal.

To pass the time, I walked over to the bookshelf. The photo albums caught my eye. Wondering what sort of pictures they'd saved, I brought it over to the couch.

I flipped through it, trying hard to ignore the whirlwind of emotions in my chest that had started when I had to leave home. I'd come here for help, half expecting I'd end up having to hold them hostage in Doof's own home, when, in fact, she'd treated me like an honored guest. I owed her enough, before she saved my life, and I hated to think I might owe her more before this was over. I was spending too much time at D.E.I.

As much as I hate to admit it, I have a soft spot for my nemesis. The guy just has these 'more pathetic than evil' moments, and it's harder to punch him in the face during those. Remember when I said the O.W.C.A. works differently? Well, the truth is, I'd have a hard time running Doof in even if I was allowed to. As for little miss wanna-be just like her protective big brother… I shook the thought from my head, and brought the album into focus.

Most of the shots were of Doof, and Vanessa. It appeared that the trio had managed to have quite a few happy memories together. There were a couple of Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz, but the superior smile was leveled a little harder than usual at the camera. Tucked in the back of the album was a black and white family photo, of two stern people, smiling proudly with their hands on Roger's shoulders. Their lanky oldest son held a curly headed girl in the corner. Both of them had an expression of longing in their eyes that just about broke my heart. Doof was bad enough, but Hilda? It was easy to see why Doof had been protective of her, but since he was the evil scientist in the family, it only made it that much harder to believe that her own parents could treat her like that.

Thinking back, I remember something about Doof saying that his mother was angry that the child was prettier than her. Not that that was saying much. Mrs. Doofenshmirtz was a homely woman. Even in childhood Hilda had been cursed with the Doofenshmritz crooked nose that Roger had escaped. Her face had never gotten any less plain, but I guess she'd been a cute child.

The phone rang from somewhere. It took me five rings to find it, behind the couch, covered in cobwebs. I pressed the green button, and put it to my ear.

There was a moment's hesitation, then a voice whispered. "Um, feel free to stick around. I think I can work something out." She hung up.

I shrugged, setting the phone down, and trying to come up with a plan of my own. The problem was, I still didn't have anywhere else to go.

* * *

 **A/N: Super special thanks to Agent B Tiger for all your help and suggestions! This whole plot was headed for the gutter before you swooped in and saved it! :D You're awesome!**

 **Thanks to everyone else for sticking with me this far!**


	14. Discovery

The sun was in my face, so I burrowed further into my blankets. Something had woken me up, but I was too tired to care what it was.

The doorknob turned, and then slammed into the wall. My eyes flew open, but there wasn't much I could do. "Oh, thank badness!" A hand gently pulled the covers back from my face. "What are you doing in here, Crum- _Perry the Agent_!"

Doof stumbled back like he'd had a heart attack, then his face pinched into a scowl. "What are you doing here?"

I fumbled for my notepad, but it was nowhere to be found, so I just pointed to my backpack instead.

He walked over to it, and picked it up, pulling out one of my t-shirts with a bewildered look on his face. "You thwarted a laundromat?"

I sighed, shaking my head and gesturing to the bed, and the fact that I'd been _sleeping_ in it.

"What? You're crashing _here_?!"

I nodded, figuring the worst thing he could do was to tell me to get lost. And I had a secret weapon that I hadn't had a few days ago when I was planning to beg a room off of him in the first place.

He tapped his foot. "You have about five seconds to explain yourself." And then he did what he always does when he knows I can't exactly spell it out for him in so many words… he started guessing. "What are you turning evil or something?"

I shook my head, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Alright, alright. I didn't really think so, I was just getting it out of the way. I just… why the heck would you even _want_ to stay in this dump? You forget to pay your rent on your sleek bachelor pad or something?"

I just blinked at that, and he shrugged. "You just seem like the sleek bachelor pad type. High tech neat stuff, and some whole ritzy penthouse place all to yourself."

I couldn't stop the smirk. I was a family guy, not a loner, and even if I was, there was no way I could afford something like the place he was describing on my salary.

"So you get kicked out of your place or what?"

"Something like that." Hilda appeared in the doorway beside him. He immediately frowned. "Where the heck were you? And… wait… you knew about this?" He pointed to me.

She sighed, working her lip between her teeth as she shot a glance at me. I shrugged. It wasn't like I'd expected her to keep my secrets in the first place.

"It's like this. Agent Plats was set up, so to speak. Owca's after him, and I sorta told him he could stay here."

Doof blinked at her, then at me, then slapped a hand over his face. "Last night?"

"Um, no."

He sighed, turning to me. "So you were here the whole day yesterday?"

I nodded.

He crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes. "Well it looks like this is happening whether I have any say in it or not. And since it's not messing up our schedule…"

Hilda nearly threw him off balance with her hug. "Thank you! You're the best big brother ever!"

He wrapped his arms around her, his contented smile telling me that the fact that Roger was also her older bother was not lost on him. Then he seemed to remember what she was thanking him _for_ he shot a scowl at me, and I just shrugged sheepishly.

I'll never admit it to his face, but as far as nemeses go… well, it wouldn't be hard to find a more evil one, but I really couldn't ask for a better one than Doof.

There must have been some sort of smirk I wasn't hiding so well, because his scowl darkened. "But if you're going to stay here, you can help clean up that mess you made yesterday."

With that, he stepped out, and slammed the door.

I changed into my day clothes and followed them out into the hall where Hilda was explaining how someone in the O.W.C.A. was responsible for my current situation. I was a little surprised that she hadn't come right out and spilled my secret like I'd expected her to, but she seemed to be determined to keep helping me, even though it was technically Doof's turn.


	15. Truce

Breakfast was a quiet affair, that mostly involved the three of us chewing, and glancing at each other from time to time. Doof dumped his plate in the sink first, and headed into the other room.

I grabbed a broom, and started to sweep up, but Hilda carried a box over to the table. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Doof hadn't come back out before I walked over, and pressed the remote I'd taken from her lab coat pocket into her hand. The one that activated the bonds on my trap.

She focused all her attention on it, turning it over in her hands, fighting for words. She, too, shot a glance over my shoulder to make sure Doof was still out of hearing range. "We, uh… it's just, that unspoken truce we sort of have going on right now. Besides, you could have gotten yourself out if I'd given you your equipment." She brightened. "Speaking of which…" she set the remote down, and opened the box where everything lay neatly polished.

"I tried to base it on the tools you're used to, but there was room for improvement. Try them out."

I picked up the watch.

"That wont do you a whole lot of good backup-wise, since you've just got me, instead of the O.W.C.A. right now, but I tied it in to my computer, and, in turn, theirs, so it's a walking database. I also went ahead and added a few gadgets since I used slimmer wiring. There's a laser, and a remote control that should be able to spring most traps, and doors and stuff."

I nodded. _Nice._

She picked up the blaster I'd discarded earlier. "This will fire a broad range of beams, depending on what you want to use it for, from brain freeze, to disintegration. I want that one back before you leave."

I smirked. _Depends on how much I like it._

"Oh sure." She rolled her eyes, then handed me the next item. "I added a few settings to the grappling hook, which is why I didn't just incorporate it into the ray gun. Did it run smoothly?"

I nodded. _Slick._

"And, of course, your basic run of the mill tools for your hat. If you have any other ideas, I could try to whip something up. I uh…" She bit her lip. "I _am_ sorry about the whole, trying to laser you in half thing. He means well."

I smiled wryly. _Isn't it your job to try to help him kill me?_

"Unspoken truce."

I felt more prepared than I had before I'd given up my O.W.C.A. equipment. She'd obviously put a lot of time and thought into each piece, not to mention the way she'd saved my life earlier.

"Not a bad idea." We both froze as Doof wandered into the room, wearing a lab coat that was missing the stain from the orange juice he'd spilled during breakfast.

He noticed her bewildered look, and added, "Perry the agent is our guest until he gets this mess cleared up. It's an unfair distraction, and gives him an unfair advantage, since he's staying in the building. What do you think? Since we're already doing him a favor, should we go all in and get this weirdness over with?"

She nodded as I slid the compact gadgets into my fedora and settled it back onto my head.

He turned to me. "What do you say, Perry the agent? Truce?"

 _Truce._ I reached out and shook his hand, a rush of gratitude sweeping through me. You know, it probably doesn't say a lot about my skills as an agent, but there's something to be said for having enemies that've got my back in situations like this.

Doof cleared his throat uncomfortably, his voice rising to a near squeak as he annunciated certain words. "And yeah… the laser. That _could_ have been a _tad_ over the top. Sorry about that, Perry the agent."

I shrugged it off, wondering, yet again, why he insists on calling me that. You might have noticed that most people who know my secret identity call me Agent Plats, or Agent P, Annie being the exception, but she doesn't count since she knew me before we started our O.W.C.A. lives. But with Doof, I've almost always been, Perry the agent, and it doesn't look like it's going to change any time soon.

"So, what'd you get framed for, anyway?"

I shrugged, holding both hands out and shaking my head.

"You don't know?" His voice had a hint of incredulity in it, and I can't say I didn't expect it. Like I said before, he's brilliant, when he wants to be.

He made a tsk noise in his throat, and crossed his arms, shaking his head in pity. "Wow. You really _do_ need our help."

Okay, so maybe he didn't want to be. I wasn't going to complain.

He reached an arm out and snapped his fingers. "Hilda, send Monogram a message and ask him what's going on."

Her eyes darted to mine as she bit her lip. "I can't! I mean… because… well, Monogram can't know he's here. So…"

When I nodded my agreement, Doof looked at us both like we'd lost our minds.

"Alright, fantastic. We'll just sit around and let Monogram wonder why I haven't called to see why the heck Perry the agent isn't showing up to thwart me…" The sarcasm dropped from his voice as her scratched the back of his neck. "Er, I mean, he'd wonder why I haven't taken over if you're not thwarting me. You know how he gets. He'll probably send someone over here and…"

Hilda jumped to his rescue. "Good point. I'll draft a message."

I just stood there, wondering if I ought to thank my nemesis.

He rolled his eyes, sarcasm seeping back into his voice. "Look, the only reason I'm helping you is because the sooner you get this cleared up, the sooner our lives go back to normal."

I knew exactly how he felt. Normal would be so nice right about now.

"So, that being said… make yourself at home for now."

More mixed feelings. I appreciated the offer. I really did. But _home_ was the family living in the yellow building that I'd only seen through a telescope since I got here.


	16. Memory

The bed in Doof's guest-room had become familiar, but it wasn't mine. I missed waking up across the hall from the boys. I even missed trying to go to sleep through Candace's midnight phone conversation's in the next room. I was homesick, bad.

Even though I hadn't realized I was hungry, the smells wafting under the door refused to let me stay in bed any longer.

Hilda grinned as I rounded the corner to the kitchen. Doof was already up,shoveling food into his mouth while scanning a newspaper. She started dishing out more plates. "I couldn't risk you beating me to making breakfast again, but it looks like I was worried about nothing, sleepy head."

I rolled my eyes. _Cutting remark, oh enemy, mine._

"If you're going to be sarcastic, then you can't have any strudel."

I made certain my demeanor was decidedly more meek as I sat down.

"That's better." She rewarded me with a large slice. Of course, she may have just figured I'd take seconds if she didn't anyway. "Monogram hasn't answered 'Heinz's" letter yet. Have you found out anything else?"

I shook my head as I popped the fork into my mouth. The crumble topping melted in my mouth and the ratio of fruit to pastry was perfection. I was surprised to see a faint blush in her cheeks as I looked up again.

"I'm glad you like it." Catching herself, she amended. "It's not often I get a chance to cook for anyone but my brother, and he just inhales everything while he reads the paper, so… that's actually been sort of nice. Sworn enemy or not."

Doof choked on his mouthful as he peered over the top of the paper. "Hey!"

She shot him an impish grin as she sat down beside him. He adjusted the paper so that it was blocking his mouth from view, but it was clear that he was smiling.

I held up a forkful of strudel with a shrug. _It's been weird, but I'm grateful to you._

They're both hard to figure out, but actually really easy to understand. Doof, with all his inators and schemes is just a bunch of smoke and mirrors. You did a little, and underneath all that, you find a decent guy that's just trying to find his place in the world while looking out for his daughter and baby sister. As for Hilda, she could talk your ear off, but that's all she was… talk. Her plans had nothing to do with taking over the Tri-State-Area, and everything to do with seeing her brother happy.

I finished the strudel, and got up to wash the dishes, holding a hand out to stop her when she got up, too. She ignored me, and started to help anyway.

Doof stood up, and shoved us both aside. "No, no. You did the breakfast dishes yesterday. It's my turn. Go on. Get to work."

She waited until I was back at the computer to ask quietly, "Why is this getting less awkward?"

' _I've been wondering the same thing._ '

"You have?"

She looked confused. As if she'd expected me to ask what she was talking about.

' _In some ways, it_ _is_ _getting more awkward._ '

She nodded, then stared hard at her feet. "Agent Plats?"

' _You already know my name's Perry. You might as well use it._ '

She shook her head with a grimace that made me smile. Then she glanced over her shoulder, and lowered her voice so that I could barely make out her next words. "Owca's mind wiper is defective."

The smile vanished. The only way she could possibly even know _of_ the device was if…

She shrugged. "It worked at first, but bits and pieces of that day keep coming back to me. I… I didn't want to tell you, but… they're your family. I understand that you can't risk it. You can wipe my memory again. In fact, it might not hurt to wipe all of this."

I couldn't help but wonder why she sounded so sad.

Her voice was even quieter. "Do you really think I'm capable of harming children?"

 _It's just a risk I couldn't take. It wasn't even personal._ But why did she look like it bothered her so much?

"For what its worth, nothing would _never_ be that important to me. Anyway, as it kept coming back to me, I just figured the rest of it out. I'll fix the mind wiper so that it's permanent, and then you can just go home."

' _What are you talking about?_ '

"That message you got? You think it's from my brother."

Maybe I should have, but I didn't.

"It's not, but it's not a threat, either. Look at it. 'Agent P. Get out of the agency now, or your family will pay the price.' It looks like a warning to me. I did some checking. We were under surveillance, right? What if someone saw what happened in the grocery store, and knew that the memory wipe wasn't going to last? It looks like they covered their own butt, and only offered you a cryptic message as a heads up."

That would explain why nothing had happened. But I couldn't take that chance.

' _Good theory. I'll keep it in mind, but I need to be sure. As for the mind wiping…'_ I sighed, staring at the screen, and suddenly wishing she wasn't reading over my shoulder. ' _I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt them._ '

"Thanks. So… are we heading for Owca, or are you going to make me build my own memorywipe-inator?"

'We can't go back to the O.W.C.A.'

She grunted, forcing a smile out of me. ' _But let's hold off until we're finished here, at least._ '

"Really?"

' _Sure. I'm here to keep an eye on you, so there's no threat. Besides, I don't want to have to explain to your brother why we're wiping your mind I. I might have to beg to stay here again._ '

She rolled her eyes. "Oh like _that_ took effort. Must be nice. You make googly eyes like a lost puppy, and your own nemesis probably can't even say no to you."

' _Why didn't you?_ '

"I don't know." She gave a dry laugh. "Maybe I'm just that lonely." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. It's not fair of me to get all emotional. You're going to remember this, so that's going to be awkward, and…" She trailed off, blinking back tears, just as confused as ever. I wondered if she'd ever known what she wanted. Her big brother wanted power, so she'd spent her life trying to make him happy.

"Hildie? What's the matter, Crumblekin?" The concern in Doof's voice didn't keep me from noticing that there was an extra syllable in the nickname this time.

She shook her head, trying not to look at him. "It's nothing. I… I'm gonna go start the laundry."

He crossed his arms, leveling an angry glare at me. "Why'd you have to go and make her cry, Perry the agent? Look, you're in a bind, and you probably don't want to be here. I get it. But just leave Hildie alone? Alright? She has enough to deal with without you hurting her more, you jerk." With that, he turned and left me alone.

I turned back to the computer, and tried to focus on my work, but I couldn't stop his words from going though my head. If Doof didn't know about the memory wiper, than what exactly was he talking about? He didn't want me hurting Hilda more than she'd already been hurt by her family? But why did he make it sound like I was capable of doing that? And why did I get the feeling that he was implying that I already was?


	17. Awkward

It was strange how awkward a situation that was less awkward could be. I was remembering more and more of the times Hilda had just been looking on while her brother had trapped, and monologued and schemed. Doof's awkward little sister that was learning everything, with her less than evil giggle, and the sympathetic frown she'd given me every time a trap ensnared me. That time I'd come to thwart my nemesis, and first noticed the homely girl my age with the big, blue eyes, standing in the back.

I blinked, shaking off the memory. Hilda was right. As soon as we knew for sure that this whole mess was just a big misunderstanding, we'd just wipe her memory again, make certain it worked this time, and she'd be back to normal. And if the conflicted feelings I was getting at the thought of that was any indication, maybe I should have _my_ mind wiped, too.

"Perry the agent?"

I turned towards Doof, careful to keep my expression neutral. Not quite my blank stare I used in situations where my cover could be blown, but close enough that I figured I pulled it off.

"Monobrow _finally_ got back to me, the jerk! I mean, what if I was actually doing something evil without you here to thwart me? Did he think of that? Oh, no. I get this cooperate letter, that implies that they're not the _least_ concerned about me taking over the Tri-State-Area! Just _listen_ to this! 'We regret to inform you that your usual agent is unable to attend to you. If you wish to be assigned another agent, either temporarily or otherwise, please fill in the attached forms. If instead you choose to wait for your normal agent, please fill out the attached agreement to refrain from all evildoings until the situation has been resolved.' Can you believe that? Why aren't you getting madder at this? It's really insulting you more than it is me. Perry the agent, they are implying that I'm so incompetent, there's no need for you to come and thwart me on a daily basis."

He tossed the paper aside, and the quiver in his voice let me know that this was bothering him more than it should have. "P-Perry the agent?"

I finally looked up, waiting patiently for whatever point he was coming to.

"You think I'm evil, right?"

It was all I could do to force a smile, and point to him, and even at that, I'm sure I felt myself wince. Sure, he had his moments, but evil? Come on.

My pathetic attempt did the trick instantly, bringing a relieved smile to his face. He heaved a sigh of relief like a great weight had been lifted from his chest, and for a moment, I wondered if maybe I should have steered this in another direction. But while I was wondering if maybe I was so worried about my family that I was missing my chance to rehabilitate my nemesis, he was already back to complicating my life.

"You know what? I think I'll wait a bit on my reply, and see how _he_ likes it."

I felt my eyes widen in alarm. If he did that, then… I shook my head, waving my hands out to get his attention.

He caught the movement from the corner of his eye, and stopped, turning to give me his full attention. "Huh? Why not?"

I tapped my hat, and pointed over to the door. To my relief, he caught my drift.

"Oh. Right. We wouldn't want them to send an agent over here to thwart me in the meantime. Alright, fine. I'll sign Monogram's stupid agreement." He started to turn away, then faced me again, a hint of worry twitching the corner of his eye. "You _are_ going to be reassigned to me, aren't you? As soon as we clear your name, I mean."

I nodded my assurance, perhaps a bit too confidently for someone on the run from their own agency, but I was starting to wonder if Doof was actually buying that anyway.

Hilda walked in, and captured the computer chair before her brother could. He stuck his hands on his hips, and I couldn't keep Candace's face from flashing before me, pouting after one of our brother/sister spats… I sadly let the memory fade as Hilda brought up a screen, and started talking over her shoulder. "I'm having trouble tracing the original signal. It's been bounced all over the place. I still think it was an agent who didn't really want to get involved, but all I know for sure is, whoever sent you that message didn't want to be discovered."

Normally I'd blame my nemesis. And, at the very least, I should have been suspicious that _she'd_ been setting me up the whole time, but I just couldn't picture it. For one thing, I knew her M.O. inside and out, and this didn't come close. It was far too elaborate.

She was still talking. "… it's still trying to trace the signal, but it looks like the original sender code itself is being bounced. It might not be possible to track it now, but I ought to be able to pinpoint where it originated."

I reached around her, and brought up the not so blank sheet.

' _Do what you can._ '

She nodded.

Doof sighed. "Fine. I'm going to use the computer in my room." He hurried off to send Monogram the requested agreement, without looking back to catch my grateful smile.

Since Hilda was at the computer, I decided to snatch a moment to check on the kids. I'd just settled down at the telescope when her quiet voice broke the silence.

"So… do you have a _happy_ family life?"

I hesitated, then nodded.

Her sigh was understandably wistful. "That's good. From the glimpse I had of them, they seem like good people."

I shot an uneasy glance back at her, but her smile was reassuring. "I'm not plotting anything. I was just thinking of how much different I'd have turned out if my parents hadn't hated me so much."

 _Why did they?_ My thoughts must've been closer to the surface than I'd realized.

"I wish I knew. It would almost make it easier if there was a reason behind it. You were a mistake. You were never as good as your brother. Something…"

Her words hit a little too close to home. Until my 'host' family had taken me in, I'd known what it felt like to be the worthless mistake that would never be good enough. Maybe that's why I was able to sympathize. Sure, it hadn't turned me evil, but I remembered that hurt. The longing that hadn't been filled until Mom wrapped me in her arms, and promised that I was one of them now.

Guilt washed over me. _They must be so worried…_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to remind you that you're not back with them. I was just wondering since I don't know much about you. Sometimes I wonder how you stand not talking."

That made me smirk.

Her eyes met mine, and she smiled.

We both quietly went back to work. "Agent Plats?"

 _Perry._

"Can you do something for me?"

I shrugged. It really depended on what it was.

She took a deep breath. "You're right."

 _About?_

"I'm not… evil."

She said it like it was a startling development. Like she'd ever done anything more evil than not turn her brother in. I couldn't stop the smirk.

"Don't _laugh_ at me! This is, hard. I never even _wanted_ to be evil, but… you couldn't understand. All my life, only one person in the whole world ever cared about me. Heinz told me I was worth something, and if I was worth something, even just to him, well, that made a difference. He's not a _bad_ guy, just… that last scheme with Heinz… I don't want anyone else to feel like I did growing up. It could have affected all the people like your family. A lot of our schemes could have. And lately… I just… once my mind's wiped, will you make sure I come back to this conclusion?"

I nodded. _I think you'll get there on your own, anyway. It was always just a matter of time._

She leaned back in her chair. "Thank you."

"For what?" Doof popped around the corner, glancing between the two of us. His expression was too curious for him to have heard.

She bit her lip. "Um… Agent Plats thinks I should smile more often."

Doof beamed. "You _should_! Just be careful. Perry the agent doesn't go buttering people up very often."

Her face went from pale to red in a heartbeat as she squirmed in her chair.

I sat there quietly for a moment, then pulled out my phone. Yeah, I caved on the way home from my walk, and grabbed one of those prepaid cells, just in case.

I was at my wits end. Everything was all turned upside down, and I was starting to trust my nemesis' sister more than the O.W.C.A. Or, most of them, anyway. Monogram wasn't behind this, and neither was Carl.

Or my wild card.

I sighed, then hit the send button.

A text came back within seconds. 'I am so mad at you right now!'

I smiled, almost hearing Annie's voice. ' _I'm sorry. I just had to disappear. You know why._ '

She had to.

'Yeah. Alright, you're forgiven. I assume you're okay?'

' _Thanks. Yeah, I'm fine. How are things there?'_

'Your family's worried sick, but they're fine.'

They must've been worried if she was being this blunt. Fresh guilt washed over in waves. After everything they'd done for me…

'Can I tell them you contacted me?'

' _No! It would put all of you in danger!'_

'Alright. What do you need?'

' _Keep watching them.'_

'Given. What else?'

' _Is there anything strange going on with the agency?_ '

'No. Why?'

I bit my lip, staring at the phone, not knowing what to text back. Annie was a fellow agent, and a good friend, and I really didn't want to put her in danger. But I really couldn't go to the O.W.C.A. myself.

'Don't worry about getting me involved. What's going on?'

' _There might be a security breach. A big one. It's dangerous, A.J.'_

'I said don't worry. I'll look into it. You stay safe.'

' _You, too. Delete the texts.'_

She didn't answer back, and I hoped it was because she was deleting the texts. Not because I didn't trust her with the information, but because I didn't trust her not to get herself into trouble with it.

I sighed, and set the phone down. When I looked up, Hilda was watching me carefully. "Can I ask who that was?"

I shrugged, and walked over to the computer. ' _A friend. I'm hoping she can help._ '

"She, huh? Um, can you trust her?"

' _With anything. Unless, you know, she gets brainwashed or something.'_

She gave a dry laugh. "Still high praise coming from you."

She turned back to whatever it was she was working on. What was with her all of a sudden?

I turned to Doof to see if he could give me a hint, but all he was willing to offer was an angry scowl, and a short shake of his head. His eyes filled with sympathy as he looked back to his sister.

I blinked, wondering what I'd done.

* * *

 **A/N: Hmm, I wonder if Phineas's obliviousness rubbed off on Perry, or if, in this universe,** _ **Perry**_ **is actually somewhat responsible for it! (Yeah, as the author, I should know, but hey, I'm learning new things about these guys every day!)**

 **Thanks for getting this far guys! :D**


	18. Intruder Alert

It was pitch black out, and we were still working, well, Hilda and I were still working. Doof had mentioned something about grabbing a 'quick shower' and had ducked into the bathroom a while back. The water had stopped running about half an hour ago, and he was still singing loudly, splashing every now and again, so he'd apparently abandoned us, and gone for a bubble bath instead. Not that it made a whole lot of difference. We weren't much further ahead than we had been when I'd showed up, and I was starting to think about calling it a night, when I heard something from one of the rooms. Hilda looked over her shoulder, swallowing hard.

I motioned for her to stay put, and crept quietly towards the noise, heart racing. Doof might have a nemesis, but enemies? Not so much. So whoever this was, they had to be there for me.

I could only pray that they hadn't gone after my family, too.

I turned the corner before I realized that the lighting showed my face, and kept the intruder hidden in the shadows.

The blur darted forward, and wrapped it's arms around me. As I recognized Annie's hug, I sank against her in relief.

Then I realized what she'd done, and took a step back, angrily.

She held out her hands. "No one followed me here. I made sure of it. Don't be mad, I just… c'mon, Perry. I had to help you."

I held my hands out to the sides. _How the heck did you find me?_

She shrugged. "Actually, I'm here mostly because Doof just signed an agreement to stop doing evil until you could thwart him again. It was strange enough that he'd been away for so long, but I thought I'd better check into it." Her brow wrinkled, and she looked around. "What did you do to him anyway?"

I shook my head, not about to let her change the subject so easily as Hilda cleared her throat behind us. "I take it everything's okay, then?"

She looked flustered, angry, and of all things, hurt. I tried to figure out why as Annie looked from her to me.

Hilda shoved the ray gun she'd brought into the pocket of her lab coat, and crossed her arm. "A.J."

"Hilda."

"I'd welcome you in, but since you're technically breaking and entering…"

"Into an evil lair…"

I stepped in between them, and pointed to Hilda, then the door of the bathroom where every musical note in existence was being murdered, then myself.

Annie didn't sound all that surprised for someone who had just come to check in on my nemesis. "They're helping you?"

I nodded, and led them both back to the living room, pointing to the computer. Annie was a wiz at hacking, and since she was here, I wanted to see what she could do with the help of Hilda's Inator.

She raised a brow, impressed, despite herself. "Well, this is extremely illegal." She was already typing, without further question. I grinned. Like I said, we were close, and Annie would do almost as much to protect my family as I would.

I glanced over at Hilda, wondering why she was pouting in the corner, but decided to use it to my advantage. I reached around Annie, and pulled up the word processor I'd been using. ' _Doof and Hilda are helping me track down the guy who 'framed' me. Well, Doof is anyway. I told Hilda that someone threated something important to me, and she's been helping on that angle. She's been a gem._ '

She smirked at me, but there was sympathy in her eyes that confused me. "Oh?"

' _Yeah. She's rethinking the whole, working for her brother deal, so take it easy on her, 'kay?'_

She spun the chair back and looked me in the face for a long moment. The she nodded, but the look in her eye was a bit distant, like she was on standby while her mind processed new information.

"Just be careful."

' _Of what?_ '

"I don't know." But her tone said she did.

I would have pressed it, and probably saved myself a lot of grief, but there was something else I was more concerned about right then. ' _How'd you find me?_ '

She sighed, and turned to face me. "C'mon, Perry. I know you. When you vanished like that, I thought maybe you'd been sent on some mission, but when Monogram wouldn't stop giving me that malarkey about you going rogue? Sure, he was dumb enough to fall for that once, but still, I knew you would have come to me if that's all it was."

It was exactly what I was afraid of. It would have been one thing if she'd hacked my cell phone signal, or one of the Doofenshmirtz's had tipped her off. But no, she'd just figured out where I was. And the fact that she'd put off checking on Doof until now only proved that she'd been suspicious long before she got my text.

She set her hand on my shoulder. "What choice did you have? I didn't know about the threat, but I do know there isn't much that would make you leave your family. - Can I see it?"

I scrolled back a few pages, showing her the copy.

She nodded, and opened a few new pages, fingers flying over the keyboard as she hacked into the communication center Hilda had been using to try to pinpoint the signal.

I glanced over at Hilda, and our eyes met as I caught her watching us, that same, hurt look on her face. Before I could think too much of it, the bathroom door opened.

"Hildie, where'd you put my robe? I can't seem to…" he broke off with a little shriek as we all turned to find him standing there with a towel wrapped around his waist. "A.J.!? What, how… I mean, A.J. and Perry the agent! How unexpected! And by unexpected, I _do_ mean unexpected, because…"

Annie sighed. "Drop it, Doof." Her eyes got huge as she realized what she'd said. She spun her chair around, covering her eyes. "Not the towel!"

Doof got a better grip on his cotton covering. "Well, no duh! Uh, never mind, Hilda. I guess I'll just go get dressed." With that, he made a hasty retreat. He was back, fully dressed, thank heavens, so quickly that I rolled my eyes at him for wandering out here in his towel in the first place. But then I suppose it _was_ his home.

He looked hurt, and I'd rolled my eyes at him too many times to think that it was what had bothered him.

"I thought the O.W.C.A. was after you."

Annie still had her back to him. She was typing again, but the second I touched her shoulder to let her know it was okay, she turned to face him. "They are."

Doof frowned. "So, you decided to go rogue, too?"

She shrugged. "I know Perry would never get kicked out of the agency, unless it was for saving someone that he wasn't supposed to, or something. Either way, I don't really care, because if I have to choose between him or the O.W.C.A., there's no contest."

I shot her a grateful smile. Even though I'd known that, and the whole situation was fake, I'd still needed to hear that.

Annie had shown up as backup, and Doof had even worked with the two of us before, so he was able to see the truth in her statement. He gave a resonated sigh. "She's not staying here, too, is she? 'Cause Vanessa's room is the only one we've got left, and…"

Annie was already shaking her head. "Don't worry, I'm going. You guys have things covered in here, and I'll be more useful on the outside. Besides…" her eyes locked with mine, "I have people to take care of out there."

Doof nodded. "Good. 'Cause this isn't a hotel or something!"

The computer 'pinged' and she spun around. "Got it."

Hilda spun around,in disbelief, resentment flashing across her face as Annie checked the data. She glanced over at the distraught girl. "You actually saved me a lot of work, Hilda. I just had to refine the search parameters."

She clicked up a new window, and glanced up at me. "It was sent from the O.W.C.A. all right. But those weren't our satellites it was bouncing off from." She minimized that window, and brought up my half of the conversations with Hilda. "What's this?"

I pointed to Hilda, then the general direction of the house.

She seemed to understand. "And you…?"

I nodded, then reached around her to type. ' _Hilda's theory is that someone in the agency saw what happened, and was just trying to warn me that she was going to get her memory back.'_

"It's a nice thought, but I doubt it."

I nodded my agreement. The cold feeling I'd gotten when I'd first read it hadn't just been my paranoia turning a warning into a threat.

She typed down a number. "Here. I grabbed one of those prepaid cellphones. If you need _anything_ , just let me know. I'll see what I can find out with this info. Anything else I can do?"

I shook my head, and she stood up to hug me. I smiled as she headed back for the window. _Thanks, Annie._

There was really no sense warning her to be careful. She knew, as well as I knew that she was all in, now. It was why I hadn't pulled her in from the start. But at least I now had her personal assurance that she'd keep an eye on my family.


	19. Complications

Hilda tossed another dead end across the room in frustration. I crossed my arms. _Not helping._

She gave an exasperated sigh. "Why is this so hard? All I want to do is find this person, so we can make sure your family is safe, so that things can go back to normal."

I had no right to believe her. No right to put my family on the line to trust her, and, looking back at things, it was three in the morning, and I was tired and grumpy. I shot a scowl at her. _I still don't know why you care._

She swallowed. "Because… I can't _help_ it."

I was done playing games. Other than that, I had no idea why I was suddenly so angry at her. My enemy, pretending to be concerned about my family, going out of her way to cater to my every whim, even putting her brother at risk, suddenly deciding not to be evil anymore. _Why?_

Her eyes narrowed. "Would you calm down? I just can't."

 _I. Said. WHY?_

In one swift motion, she grabbed a couch cushion and chucked it at me, her voice going shriller than it had in ages. " _ **Because I love you!**_ " Just that quick, her eyes widened in horror.

We both just stood there, listening, until a loud snore from the next room assured us that Doof wasn't going to come see why she'd shrieked.

It all suddenly made so much sense. I took a step back, feeling like some sort of monster.

Especially when the tears threatened to spill. She stared at the pillow. "I didn't mean… I…" She shook her head, and probably would have fled the room, but I stopped her. She sort of hugged herself, staring down at her shoes. "It's just… it started out as a crush, you know? I knew I was supposed to hate you, but… I just can't anymore. That's why I need to forget. Because being in this truce, knowing that we can't even really be friends, its killing me." A tear slid down her cheek.

I sighed, and reached up to wipe it away.

She squeezed her eyes shut refusing to look at me. "I can't believe I said that. I… I wish I could just take it back."

I wished she could, too, because this was the last thing I needed to deal with. With everything else I had going on in my life, falling in love wasn't something I tended to dwell on. And Doof's kid sister? I was no expert, but it seems like there's some sort of universal law against dating your best friend's sister. There _had_ to be some social code against dating anyone _related_ to your nemesis. But she'd said it, and she was obviously hurting, and I needed to do _something_.

She peered at me through one eye, then opened the other one, relaxing a little even as she worked her lip between her teeth. "Are you mad at me?"

I shook my head. I had no idea what else to tell her, but I was sure I wasn't angry.

She let out a shaky breath, and gave a little laugh. "Good thing I didn't wake up Heinz. That's the last thing you need right now."

If the looks he'd been giving me lately were any indication, her brother already knew about her… crush. A crush was about all I could deal with right now, and I wasn't sure what my response to the l word was, let alone what Doof's would be.

I patted her on the shoulder, and pointed to the clock. The recent turn of events had finally convinced me that we were both too tired to be working.

She nodded gratefully. "Yeah, okay. And um… thanks for being so understanding."

I forced a weak smile. Understanding? As confused as I was, I felt about as understanding as a lobster that'd just been chucked into a pot of boiling water. But she seemed content, and I wasn't about to push things.

We headed back to our rooms, and I tried to go to sleep, but I just ended up staring at the ceiling, mulling over all the problems that just wouldn't go away. Couldn't a guy get a break?

This was not an emergency… what was I talking about? I wasn't trained for this crap! I grabbed my phone. ' _What would you say if Doof told you he has a crush on you?_ '

'!?'

That was what I thought, but not exactly helpful. Of course, I'd just woken her up at four in the morning with an admittedly ridiculous text.

'Oh wait… I get it. So she told you huh?'

 _Wait…_ ' _You knew!?_ '

'You're kidding, right? The way she's always looked at you?'

' _Why didn't you ever say anything?!_ '

'What was to say? I've never been much of a matchmaker.'

I could practically hear her giggling, and it wasn't helping. ' _HELP ME._ '

'Kay, sorry. What it boils down to is; how do you feel about her?'

Really? ' _I don't know!_ '

'Sorry, buddy. Can't help ya with this one.'

' _But what should I do?!_ '

'Be honest. Don't play the nice guy just to keep from hurting her feelings. It will blow up in your face faster than an inator.'

' _But…_ '

'I'm not saying to be mean. Just… be honest.'

' _You mean I have to tell her that I've never thought of anything more than Doof's kid sister?_ '

'Ouch.'

' _Annie!_ ' I winced. Up until that point, we'd managed not to call eachother by name. I was getting way to worked up over this foolishness.

'Sorry, sorry. Kay. Be honest, but not quite so blunt, unless you have to be. If she even asks you for a response. She might drop it like a hot potato.'

' _I guess I'll just hope for that, and wing it. Thanks._ '

'No problem. Just try to get some sleep for now, and worry about it in the morning.'

' _Can do. Night._ '

'Sweet dreams.'

I sighed, turning the phone over in my hands. Talking to Annie always helped, even when she wasn't there, but right now, it just made me want to talk to Mom, or…

Candace would _love_ this. She'd sit me down, and we'd have a long talk about her boyfriend troubles and my crush troubles, and then she's probably march me out to the boys and demand they invent something to help me analyze my feelings, that she'd just end up trying to bust them for.

Just thinking about home lulled me to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Wow guys, thanks for all the reviews! Your reward is... du, du, du, dun! This chapter, that, you, um, already read. Sorry about that! But you did inspire me to press on, and fix this chapter. I may just get to the action scenes yet! o.0**

 **This chapter is dedicated to Agent B Tiger, Nightflame203, and Maylinn17, who all, by the way, ahve their own Phineans and Ferb fics that feature Perry, and are much better than mine, so if you haven't already, do yourself a favor, and check them out!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	20. Friendly Advice?

There was a strange buzzing sound, and it took me a moment to realize that it was cellphone I'd set on the nightstand, vibrating to alert me of an incoming text.

I snatched it up, heart filling with a hope that was instantly dashed.

'I am so sorry, but I just got a message that looks like it's from the same person. It says 'If you really want to help your friend, take a vacation.'

I rubbed my head, more confused than ever. This one really could be taken as friendly advice. As I scanned it again, I noted that they hadn't made any direct threats, it just implied that Annie's hands were as tied as mine were. But there was one factor about the message that bothered me.

' _How'd they know?_ '

'?'

I smiled at her text, despite myself. ' _That you'd made contact. Did you start poking around too much, or…?_ '

'Not unless they knew it was me tracking that signal, at it doesn't make any sense, considering where I tracked it from. I haven't had time to do much else.'

It could have been a coincidence, but somehow, I had a feeling that it wasn't.

'What should I do?'

I sighed. ' _Thanks for the help, but you'd better take a vacation._ '

'Sorry.'

' _And you probably shouldn't contact me again, unless it's an emergency. You know what I mean.'_

'Gotcha. I'll keep tabs on 'em as much as I can. You take care of yourself.'

'Thanks. Over and out.'

The sun was already up, and it looked like it had been for some time, so I got up and grabbed a shower, cursing myself for sleeping in so late. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Hilda on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, and just staring straight ahead.

She glanced at me, and sighed, then opened her mouth to say something.

The door slammed open. "I'm ba-ack!" Doof's sing-songy voice shattered the silence, and bought me some time.

She looked as relieved as I felt. "How'd it go with Nessa?"

"Great!"

"Thanks again for the tickets, Cumbkin. Vanessa said she had a good time, too. She said something about wanting to return the favor, and some extra tickets _she_ has. I think she wants to take you to a movie or something."

"Sounds like fun."

Tickets? What had I missed? Hilda hadn't cleared Doof out so that we could talk, had she? I groaned inwardly at the thought, then saw that she was watching me. When Doof looked away, she pointed at him, then pointed to herself and over dramatized crying, all the while rolling her eyes. She finished with a grin, so I was reasonable sure she just hadn't wanted to answer a bunch of questions about why she looked so sad, and that she hadn't sent him away and cried her eyes out all afternoon.

It occurs to me from time to time that I really don't give the people in my life enough credit. I really need to think about picking up actual sign language or something, because translation can get a bit iffy.

I shook my head, angry at myself again. Here I was, getting all worked up about a girl admitting she likes me, when my family had been threatened. Possibly twice, if you were to count the text Annie got as a threat. I marched over to the computer, and started typing.

Hilda wandered over, and nearly collapsed in relief as she read what was on the screen. She quickly sobered up. "So whoever this was realized that A.J. would be trying to help you, and they warned her off. But… why wait till now."

Exactly what I wanted to know.

"I mean, for all this person knows, she could have been helping you all along, right?"

' _Apparently not. It might just be a coincidence, but… I don't believe in coincidences._ '

She nodded quietly, hand drifting to her chin as she mulled it over. "So, what's her plan?"

' _I don't know, but with me so close to the boys, she'll probably clear out._ ' I didn't add that her best course of action was to get Candace's alert up and make her promise to call if anything weird started to happen, then leave the area to make it look like she was trying to track me down. I hadn't mentioned it for security reason, and because I really wasn't keen on the idea. I just really wished that she hadn't gotten involved. I wasn't going to rest as easy without her in town and able to check in on my family.

"It could still all be a misunderstanding. Maybe the person trying to warn you about…"

I shook my head. ' _It's not adding up._ '

Doof came over. "Trying to warn him about what? Do we have another inside guy?"

Hilda and I glanced at each other, and then she blurted out, "Can I talk to you?"

The suspicious look he gave each of us held a tint of worry as it settled on her. "Ye-es. What's the matter, Hildie?"

She gave me a little smile, and led him into the kitchen. It would have been impossible not to overhear their conversation. I guess she just didn't want to hash things out in the same room as me.

I exited out of the word processor without saving it, and opened a new one, then went over the data Annie had been able to dig out of the phone. Why send me a message with an O.W.C.A. watermark, but go through all that trouble to disguise the fact that it was from the O.W.C.A.?

"Heinz, even when this is over, I can't help you anymore. Not even with the inventing part. I really want to make a clean start of it."

I smiled, proud of her, even though she knew I was listening.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't want to take over the Tri State area, and… I don't want to be evil."

"Did Perry the agent put you up to this? I knew he was a bad influence on you!"

"It wasn't just Agent Plats. It was you, too. You can't really blame me, you know, for turning out not evil. You raised me. Taught me right from wrong. Yes, you also told me that it was fine to be evil long enough to take over the Tri-State area, but, nobody's perfect."

"I get it. Stop rubbing it in."

Her voice was starting to tremble, but the concern in it was a lot more genuine than when she'd started going on about whatever the soufle incident was. "I just don't want you to feel betrayed, or hurt."

"Look at me. I'm _proud_ of you, no matter what. You could usurp me the day I take over the Tri State area, lock me in a dungeon, and have me beaten daily, or you could start thwarting me every day, or single handedly take down L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N., and I would still love you. Shh… don't cry, my little Crumbkin. Everything is going to be fine."

I rolled my eyes, having no idea how that had gone so mushy, so fast. Doof always did have a flair for the over-dramatic.

I sighed, and pushed away from the computer, needing to see my family, if only through a telescope. They weren't in the backyard, today, and it took me a heart stopping minute to find them happily building a rocket propelled two-way zip-line. I started to scan the rest of the city, smiling until I saw something I hadn't noticed.

All over the city, on telephone poles, and billboards were single sheet fliers with my picture on them. The words tore at my conscience.

'Where's Perry?

Have you seen our brother?

If you have, please let us know,

because we're really worried about him.

I swept the telescope back to the zip-line, and really looked at their faces. The neighborhood kids were having a great time, but there was something wrong with Phineas's smile, and Ferb looked more solemn than usual. What had I done?

 _I'm gonna figure this mess out soon, guys._ I made the silent promise, even though I wasn't sure I could keep it.

I needed another clue.


	21. Lost and Found

I was in the backyard, playing with the boys. Candace was with us, having a grand ol' time, which should have tipped me off that something wasn't right _before_ Doof started shaking me.

One blink of my eyes, and I was back in that stupid guest room, feeling that old familiar urge to punch my nemesis in the face. In fact, if he hadn't looked so worried, I might not have given him the chance to explain.

"You've gotta help me find her" His face steeled as he tightened his grip on my shirt collar. "You're _going_ to help me find her!"

He glared menacingly at me, but he couldn't hold it. His lip started to quiver, and then he dropped to his knees, back to begging. "Please, Perry the agent! Please don't make her suffer because of _me_. I know she's helped me trap you and try to kill you, but she's a good girl. She's _trying_ to turn good! She's out there somewhere, alone and scared…"

I got out of bed, reaching to put my hat back on. I'd been sleeping in it, but he'd knocked it off when he came in here.

" _PLEASE!_ Perry the agent! I'll do anything! I'll even turn myself in! I don't stand a chance of helping her, but, you, you fight bad guys all the time!"

 _Bad guys?_ My first hope that he'd just forgotten that he sent her out for falafel was dashed. I sighed, and nodded.

"You… you'll help me? Oh, thank you, Perry the Agent!"

I rolled my eyes and tapped my watch. _Time's ticking. What's all this about a bad guy?_

He handed me the paper he'd crumpled in his fist.

I unfolded it, and scanned it.

'Doofenshmirtz, get me Monogram's pass-codes, or your sister will pay the price.' My heart froze solid. Hilda had been wrong about a friendly agent trying to cover their tracks, and now I knew for sure the boys were in danger. I raced to the telescope on the balcony, and sighed in relief when I saw them there. They were safe, but Hilda… I focused my attention on the rest of the apartment, looking for some sign of a struggle.

How had this happened when I was there? I should have been more vigilant. I'd been sleeping in my nemesis home and headquarters for crying out loud! How could I hope to keep my family safe if I hadn't been alert enough to stop this guy from abducting my nemesis' kid sister from under our noses?

Unless…

Hilda knew all about the note. She could have copied it, and… no. It didn't make sense for her to scare Doof like this, and he wasn't that good an actor. She was really in danger then. And I didn't have any idea where to start looking.

I started pacing. Pay the price. It hadn't been in Annie's text, but the threat was the same in the messages Doof and I had received.

I calmed myself down, and stepped back from the situation to look at the facts.

Fact: Someone with access to O.W.C.A. intel had gotten me out of the way by threatening my family.

Fact: Hilda was missing.

Fact: The note Doof got was worded about the same way my text was, and with the same strange font.

But even if more agents had been threatened, and I hadn't seen any more awol listings in the database, why on earth would anyone choose Doof for something like this? Unless… I looked around uneasily. No one could have known that I'd be staying here, could they? I'd been on the balcony a lot, but I'd been careful. And it didn't make any sense for me to be here.

Still, _if_ they somehow found out that I was here, or worse, if they'd hacked Doof's security footage, then… I winced. I hadn't given Doof's cameras a second thought since I got here, because they weren't hooked up to any sort of wifi, and he doesn't so much check them as sit down to watch them with popcorn. But if the person threatening me had access to the building, if they'd seen the footage of everything in the main room, then snatching Hilda to get _me_ to get those pass codes made a lot more sense. Except… why would someone with that much access _need_ Monogram's pass-codes? Couldn't they just hack their way in?

Still too much speculation. And my old phone was gone, so if this creep had tried to contact me, I'd never get the message.

I started pacing again.

Which was about when my watch beeped. I frowned at it for a second before realizing that the only one who would know to contact me on it would be the person who made it. I clicked the tiny screen on. It showed nothing but blackness, but a familiar voice broke the silence. "I…"

A light snapped on, and her face filled the screen for a second as her device was ripped from her grasp. "Ah. So nice of you to contact your brother for us… Agent P!" A familiar face glared into the screen. "I thought I told you to get lost!"

Of course. Rogue Agent Dennis Rabs. I glared at the screen, hoping my expression was coming across loud and clear.

"I don't know where you are, but you can tell your nemesis that his sister only has three hours before I start experimenting on her. If I don't have the codes by then, all he'll get back is a bloody corpse, and a tape of her screams. And you'd better stay out of my way, or you'll get the same of your host family." He crushed the device, leaving me standing there feeling utterly helpless.

I raced for the computer. I didn't know what those pass codes unlocked, but they'd have to do some heavily universal damage before they'd be worth anywhere's near what was at stake.

While I was in the system, I realized why he needed help. The codes weren't on file. No doubt, if there were copies, they were in Monogram's office. Denis had probably been trying to get them himself when he sent me the message telling to keep away.

Knowing who he was didn't help me much. In fact, it made things worse. I knew what sort of monster we were dealing with now, and I knew he wasn't making idle threats about my family. He not only knew where they were, he'd been _in_ my house before, using Candace as a shield. She still thought he was just a quiet college kid who wanted to hang out.

Doof was banging his head against the door frame, moaning loudly about being stupid enough to trust 'that jerk' and needing to protect his baby sister.

I'd forgotten that Doof had sprung Dennis out of O.W.C. , which explained why he'd been roped into this.

So much for turning a blind eye.

I knew Dennis, and he'd probably start in on Hilda before the time was up just for the fun of it. It was up to me.

I really was going to have to go rogue.


	22. Rising Stakes

Getting in and climbing through the vents was easy. I'd been _trained_ to avoid the security measures in this building. That was the hard my loyalty to Monogram paled in comparison to what I'd do for my family, and I knew that Dennis would play that card next. I'd do anything before I let that happen, and I didn't see the point of letting Hilda suffer needlessly.

It wasn't that Dennis had already won, it was that he was holding all the cards, and he already knew I wasn't going to gamble at the stakes he was proposing. No way was I gonna risk my family, or Hilda.

Hilda. As I waited for Agent H to walk underneath the vent, I wondered if she knew that we were coming for her. Yeah. We. Guess what the other hard part of breaking into the O.W.C.A. was? I'd actually brought my nemesis with me.

That, of course, came with it's own set of complications, but at least he'd stopped singing, "Doofy, Doofy, Doofy…" under his breath.

I'd been going to leave him behind, for his sister's own good, but he'd gotten the wrong idea when I assured him I was going to help.

All the worry had drained out of him, and he'd clasped his hands together, eyes moist. I thought he was going to say something along the lines of, "Thank you, Perry the agent." And then I'd be on my way, but I should have known that _nothing_ is that simple were Doof is concerned.

Instead, he'd started going on, and on about how we were going to break into the O.W.C.A. together, and how he just _knew_ we'd save Hilda in time with my help. In the end, talking him out of coming was just time we didn't have. Besides, there was no sense giving Dennis a technicality to use against us. He wanted Doof to get the codes, so Doof was going to get the codes.

The codes that _I_ fully intended to make sure he never had a chance to use. I wasn't able to fool myself entirely, though, and I didn't really try that hard. If it came down to someone's life or a handful of codes, I was going to end up being a traitor. I could live with that a lot easier than I could live with the guilt of someone getting hurt because I was too stubborn to admit the bad guys can actually get the upper hand for a while.

"Perry the agent, why did we stop?" Doof's 'whisper' made me cringe, but Agent H had already moved on, and there was no sign that anyone had heard him.

Usually, his need to keep a conversation going didn't bother me. I was used to it, but, there's a time, and a place, you know? Crammed behind me in a vent where I can't possibly give him any sort of answer is not a situation where I want to tolerate being talked at. I'd hoped that being here to rescue his sister would keep him quiet, but, again, I should have known better.

And again, I'm being too hard on him. Yes, it can be as frustrating as all get out, but I know he can't help it. My theory is that it's his personality, and he was so starved for attention as a child, the poor guy just rambled on about anything to anyone who would spare him the time of day. With an x-wife and a teenage daughter… that had been me. For some reason, he didn't seem to rant to Hilda. I made a mental note to ask him why… at a more appropriate time.

Yeah, looking back over that, I have been spending _**way**_ too much time with my nemesis. It was no wonder that my plan was to get in, get the codes, and end this thing one way or the other, so that I could go home without endangering my family.

I glared as my wrist beeped, but thankfully there was no one below me.

"Agent P. Glad I caught you. According to the O.W.C.A. surveillance, Doofenshmirtz has help. I'm wondering about your sanity, but perfectly willing to use this to my advantage. So here's what's going to happen next. _You're_ going to get me those codes in an hour and a half, or, well, or else. Get the picture?" He whirled the camera around and clicked it off as my heart stopped.

He had Phineas and Ferb.


	23. The Codes

I must've frozen, because I can remember trying to calm down, but what really got me moving was the guy pushing on my foot, whispering, "PsssssssssTTTT! Perry the a _gent_! What's the deal? We're helping him anyway. What he do? Let me see! I wanna see!"

I shook of my stupor, and started making my way through the vent, double time, still being as quiet as I could. We made it Monograms office without incident.I swung down from the vent, and sighed when Doof crashed to the ground behind me. I held my hand out to help him up, motioning for him to be quiet.

Doof brushed off his labcoat while I did the one thing Dennis couldn't: put my hand to the scanner at the door. It instantly lit up green, and let me in. It didn't do great things for the guilt in the pit of my gut that Major Monogram hadn't locked me out of the system.

No matter how much I tried not to think about it, this was the boss that trusted me that I was stealing from. And I knew that if Dennis wanted these codes, it could have devastating results. But none of that mattered, because he had the boys.

The communicator on my wrist beeped again. I couldn't afford not to answer it.

"Well, Agent P, I see that the scanner still thinks your a top agent. It doesn't seem like a mistake Monogram would make if he _really_ believed that you'd gone rogue. But don't worry. I never told you to go rogue; just to get out so that you wouldn't catch me snooping around the building. I'd have been in and out in an hour if it wasn't for Carl's added security in that office!"

I glared at him, but I could hear the Phineas talking to Ferb in the background, so this conversation was actually a relief.

It must've shown. "Yeah, the brats are fine. They came over because I told 'em I was having trouble hooking up my new entertainment center. They had it done so fast, I had to get them making modifications. I was just trying to get that annoying redhead, but I think they'll get the job done. Don't you?"

I had no choice but to leave my threat unspoken, and I wasn't sure I would have trusted my voice if I had one. Underneath my, 'if you hurt my little brothers' tough guy act, I was trembling like an abandoned child.

He snickered. "I'm going to tell you what codes I need now. Then where to bring them. _If_ I like what I see, I'll head back here and tell my buddy _not_ to mince our three… guests. You _might_ want to hurry though… he's a loose cannon."

So much for my stupid get out with the hostages _and_ the codes plan. Talk about regrets. If I hadn't moved into D.E.I., Dennis wouldn't have been able to trick the boys into going over there. And then I'd gone and told Annie to scram. I should have told her to move into my lair until this was over. She wouldn't have let the boys go with him.

Candace… darn it… wherever she was, as soon as she got back, she'd be sure to track down the boys to see what they were doing. There's no way Dennis would let her leave, especially with the boys. And if she happened along while Dennis's burly, gorilla like friend was keeping an eye on them?

Why was he taking so long to send the codes!?

"Just wanted to give you a little time to mull it over. Make sure you know I've covered all my bases, and if you try to cross me, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Got it?"

I nodded.

He chuckled. "You're going to have to ease up on that glare to prove it."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. It wasn't easy to hide the anger I was feeling towards him, but I was worried sick over the boys enough to just drop it.

"Good boy." His smirk was condescending. "All right, the codes I need should be in the top drawer of Monogram's desk. Left hand side, in a little book, according to my research. The drawer is supposed to be locked, but that's your problem. Bring them to the Danville Mattress Factory, and then I'll tell you where to go to have your happy reunions. Hop to it, my little puppet." The signal cut out.

My nemesis had been strangely quiet through all of this. I glanced over at him, but he was just standing in front of the closed door with his hands folded in front of him, watching me with a sad look on his face.

I chose to ignore it as I started picking the lock on the drawer, knowing full well he'd speak his mind when he was good and ready.

"Thanks for helping us, Perry the agent. I just… I hate seeing you reduced to this. It sounds like Rabs is holding other people hostage, too. You're really backed into a corner, huh?"

I nodded, dropped my arms and pressing them against my sides, before going back to picking the lock.

Doof nodded with a wry smile. "Yeah. Trapped. But take it from me; trapping someone doesn't necessarily mean you've got 'em right where you want them, and it _certainly_ doesn't mean you've got them beat. And if anyone knows that _being_ trapped doesn't mean you've lost, well, it ought to be you."

I nodded my agreement. Dennis could call me his puppet, and make me dance as much as he wanted for the moment, but as soon as he didn't have the people I cared about, he wouldn't be looking over his shoulder for long, because I intended to be right there.


	24. Oh, There You Are, Perry

We had half an hour to spare when we reached the Danville Mattress Factory. We'd managed to get out of the O.W.C.A. without anything more than a couple close calls. Great for us, but I had several notes for Carl about where the added security for the building was being placed; assuming I was ever allowed back in, of course.

Since we'd gotten this far without having to wipe Doof's memory, I motioned for him to stay outside.

He crossed his arms, but I could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't going to put up much of a fight. "Fine. I'll play lookout. But only because you look so worried. I gotta say, I never really pictured you to be the type to get all worked up because of a couple of random kids, but I guess I don't know why. It's not like I really had a reason to think that… not that I actually thought it. It just surprises me and all because you're usually such a grump."

I pointed to the building.

"Right, right… we don't have time for this. Carry on. And let me know if I can help, kay?"

I was already racing into the building, but I nodded over my shoulder.

I slowed to a walk, wary of trickery as I made my way through the lobby area, and out into the warehouse. There were no lights on in the place, but several small windows let in sunlight.

Standing on the other side of the room, smirking, with his hands folded behind his back, was the white haired rogue agent that was responsible for my last week of heartache. He snickered as I held up the address book with Monogram's passwords, and other various codes to who knows what.

Slowly we started waling towards each other. I fought off the urge to run and punch the smirk off his face by repeatedly reminding myself that I couldn't do that until the boys were safe.

We stopped a few steps from each other, and he calmly stopped to study his fingernails. "Deal's changed, Plats."

My glare deepened as I took a threatening step forward.

He pretended not to flinch, but there was a flash of panic behind his eyes. "Oh you can still have the boys. But Doofenshmirtz's sister is no longer available." With that, he held his hand out for the book.

I narrowed my glare a little more, but this time, he just raised an eyebrow. "You want the kids, or not? Keep in mind, all I have to do is make a phone call, and their summer will be over. Permanently."

Neither of us moved for a full minute, then my shoulders sagged as I put the book in his hands.

He snatched it with a smirk, and started flipping through it. "Perfect. You'll find your _host_ family at 691 Maple Drive. You'd better get to them before Gordan gets impatient. Again

My mind raced as he walked away with the codes a _nd_ the knowledge of Hilda's location, but my hands were tied. I had to get the boys back.

 _Then I'll find you, Hilda… I swear it._ Maybe she'd gotten away on her own. I turned and left the building, and ignored Doof as he raced up to me. "Well, was he there? Where's Hildie and the kids?"

I shook my head no, and took off running. It wasn't long before I lost him.

I swallowed another helping helping of guilt, feeling like I'd betrayed my boss, my nemesis, his sister, my agency, and likely my country to boot, because… I had. But it's like I always say; family comes first.

I got to the address and crashed through the door, instinctively pulling the hat from my head.

Three pairs of eyes turned to blink at me, and then Phineas dropped the wires he was holding, leapt over the toolbox, and raced into my arms. "Perry!"

He only beat Ferb by a fraction of a second.

I nearly collapsed in relief, but I made sure the glaring goon in the corner couldn't see that.

Ferb slimed up at me. "That was quite the entrance."

Phineas hugged me tighter. "We've missed you, so much!"

I hugged him back just as hard, to let him know the feeling was mutual, and then I scooted them out the door.

Phineas hesitated for a second. "But we were…"

I shook my head, leading them away from the building.

"Does Mom want us home for supper?"

I pointed at the house behind us, and shook my head.

"But…"

I grabbed Phineas's hand before he could protest further. Ferb backed me up. "We've done about all we can do for them anyway."

"That's true. He should be able to figure the rest out, and he can always call us if it's a problem. So, where've you been, Bro? That note you left was sort of vague. Which job did you have to leave town for? And why for so long? I can't remember the last time you were away for more than a day without telling us anything."

Phineas wasn't giving me a chance to answer his questions. I guess he was just thinking out loud, which was just as well, because I was starting to panic again. I had to get the boys home, but then what? I couldn't just leave them there with Dennis on the loose, but Dennis was on the loose! And I still didn't know what he'd done with Hilda.

I grabbed my cellphone and tried texting Annie, but there was no response. Pinky! I stopped them at Isabella's house, and knocked on the door. Pinky opened the door.

I pointed to the two boys, then over my shoulder.

He looked worried, but quickly nodded, his chattering teeth giving him his usual nervous stutter. "Sure th-thing, P-pal. I'll keep an ey-eye on the b-boys." I knew I could count on him. Don't let that stutter fool you any more than my silence; Pinky's a great agent.

I made eye contact with the boys, and motioned that I'd be back as soon as I could.

"But… you just got back." Phineas glanced at the phone in my hand.

"P-perry ha-has t-to go h-help a fr-friend. R-Right, P-P-Perry?"

I nodded. His guess was close enough. I motioned again that I'd be right back, and hurried around the corner, slipping my fedora back on with a determined glare.

The boys were safe, and Dennis was going _down._


	25. Fight of Flight

Okay, so if you're wondering how I could possibly just _hand_ Dennis the codes, and let him walk away in the first place, well, I wouldn't admit that to your younger siblings, and I in turn wonder how _you_ sleep at night. And if you're still disappointed in me, well, here's where you need to remember that I had a plan.

I'd given the book to Dennis, alright. I still don't know how he'd found out about it, but he apparently didn't know that Major Monogram's tendency to misplace things had led Carl to place a personal tracking device on all the important documentation in his care.

See where I was going with this yet? Because I could certainly see where Dennis was going. I was on his heels, and one call from me would let Carl know those codes were compromised. He could change them while I nabbed Dennis, and that would be that.

There was just one tiny hiccup in my plan; I had to assume that Dennis still had Hilda, and that pulling anything would guarantee her death. It was the only card he had left, and he was playing it close.

I was betting that he was playing it _really_ close, and that he had her with him, and trying not to think of the consequences of being wrong about that.

I followed the signal to an abandoned building at the edge of town, and entered through an upstairs window, careful not to make the rickety floor boards creak any more than they had to. It wasn't a huge building. There was no one in the two upstairs bedrooms, and it didn't look like there had been for quite some time, so I made my way to the stairwell.

It led to an open floor plan, with just the dust cloth covered couch dividing the living room from the kitchen. Dennis stood looking out the window, hands folded behind his back. A small room, probably a bathroom, jutted into the room, and there was a chair from the kitchen half of the room jammed under the doorknob. It was a safe bet that I'd found Hilda, and it was just as safe to assume that she was alone in there.

I was still cautious as I made my way down the stairs. One of the boards creaked, and Dennis spun around to face me, anger knitting his brows together. "Don't you ever just _give up_? I gave your precious boys, but don't think I can't get them again."

 _Exactly. Which is why I'm here to fix that._

His eyes darted to the blocked room, as if calculating how fast he could get there.

I leapt down from the staircase, and rolled to stand in between him and it. _Not fast enough._

He pulled the notebook from his back pocket, and set it on the window sill, then cracked his knuckles. "Bring it."

He came at me with a flying kick, and I dodged it, bringing my arm down hard on his foot. It sent him tumbling from the air, and into a dusty pile of boxes.

He dug himself out, eyes red with hatred. "You're going to regret this."

 _Not likely._ He flew at me again, trying to punch me in the face, but his blind fury wasn't getting him very far.

The thing is, I was just as angry as he was. Probably angrier. I slammed my fist into his face, then his gut, hard enough to knock the wind out of him. Then his elbow connected with the side of my head, and my vision was blocked by a thousand points of light. I tried to sweep his feet out from under him, but he wasn't there.

I instinctively rolled out of the way, grabbing the cloth from the couch as I passed it. As soon as I got to my feet, I spun it into Dennis, covering his upper half, and twisting it to trap his arms to his sides.

He twisted away from me, and jumped, kicking me in the gut with both feet, and completely knocking the wind out of me. In the seconds it took me to stumble to my feet, he'd gotten free of the old sheet, and tossed it to the side.

We ran at each other, and the next few minutes was a blur of punches, blocks, kicks, and jabs, with neither of us getting many actual hits in.

Then my fist connected with his jaw, sending him flying backwards. He landed beside the chair, and rubbed his jaw, looking at me with concern for the first time that day. Then a cruel glint came to his eyes, and he rolled to his feet.

I blocked him as he came flying at me again, but his tackle still took me to the ground. As I shot back to my feet, disoriented, there was a sound of scraping wood behind me. I turned just as the chair he pulled out from under the doorknob connected with my face. Hard.

The floor came up to meet me, and Dennis's knee slammed into my back. The thing that had the biggest impact on me in that moment, however, was the door swinging free.

The dingy little bathroom was completely _empty._

I somehow rolled into Dennis, and ended up on top of him, with my hands around his throat.

He started laughing. "That's right. You might recover those codes, and send me back to prison, but you've already _failed_ to save e _veryone._ I _wanted_ you to think that she was here."

His voice still had a gloat to it that felt like cold water splashing over my face. He was stalling. He'd been waiting for _someone_ , but not me.

Which meant I needed to wrap this up right now.

I drew back my arm, and smashed my fist into his face so hard that my knuckles cracked. It did the job, knocking him out cold.

I scrambled to my feet and grabbed the book, flipping through it to make sure that it was the same one.

A glance out the window told me I still had a few minutes, so I tied Dennis up with the sheet, and locked him in the bathroom. Not a great plan, but one that would do until I caught whoever was turning the doorknob.

Rodney, an evil scientist that Doof competes with, poked his head through the door, took one look at me, and ran off, screaming. I tackled him before he'd gotten halfway down the driveway, and dragged him back to the abandoned house, giving him the same treatment as my other prisoner.

I couldn't exactly question him, and I wasn't in the mood to try.

Besides, it was obvious that Rodney had hired Dennis to get the code book for him. Involving my family and playing me like a fiddle had just been Dennis's idea of having a little fun on the job, so it was doubtful he could answer the only question I had left anyway.

Where was Hilda?


	26. Home

I could only assume that any damage had already been done, so I texted Monogram. While I was waiting for someone to show up with some sort of transport, I gave him a full update, and confession.

He didn't text anything back until I'd finished, and even then, it wasn't much.

'Well, good work taking them down. I'll see what I can do.'

I didn't need to see his face of hear his tone to know that he was disappointed in me, but I also didn't know what I could have done differently.

A few minutes later, Carl showed up in an ice-cream truck.

I helped him load Dennis and Rodney in, and restrained Dennis more effectively,even though Agent B and Agent D were there to guard him. Not a great sign for my career, but I was beyond caring about that just then.

Carl gave me a sympathetic smile as I climbed into the front seat beside him. "Tough week, huh?"

I nodded as he started the truck back up.

"We've missed you. Doofenshmirtz has actually been behaving himself, but there's the matter of all those other little side jobs you take care of. Major Monogram's had trouble dividing them up between eight different agents! And then AJ went and took a vacation. Monogram was able to stick a few more of the backed up cases on her, but we're still a little swamped."

He glanced over at me, and seemed to realize that I was listening, but not all that interested.

Before I came, I did a quick check on the computers. Dennis hacked them, just like you said, well, you knew that, but I was able to use my administrative override to check his emails. Can you believe he still uses the same account that he did back when he used to work here? Anyway, there's a couple different messages from Rodeninstine, contacting him about wanting the passwords to the O.W.C.A. computers. He wanted to breach security so that he could locate his nemesis' file, and change Major Monogram's Facebook page!"

Well, at least I'd been able to save at least one agent's cover. But I couldn't stop the eye roll. Leave it to Rodney to cause this much trouble over a dumb prank.

A screen in front of me crackled, and Monogram appeared. "I've got agents all over Danville looking for any more accomplices…"

I pulled a picture of the Doofenshmirtz siblings from my wallet, and held it out to him.

"Hmmmm? Oh, yes, of course, and Hilda Doofenshmirtz, too. In the meantime, your part in this is going to have to be reviewed by the board. I'll do what I can for you, P, but for now… I'm not supposed to give you any assignments, but I'm willing to bend the rules here. The Flynn-Fletcher family could still be a target, and I feel we ought to assign our best agent to protect them."

I saw right through him, but it didn't much matter that he was trying to make me feel useful, and keep me in one spot; he'd used the same bait as Dennis, and he already knew I'd bite. I saluted, and he nodded once before turning to Carl. "You ought to be able to handle getting the truck back in one piece without Agent P, so just drop him off at his house on the way by."

"Yes, sir."

The screen blinked out

It was more important to get Dennis to a holding cell than to keep me from a walk, so I held out my hand to stop him. He immediately slammed on the brakes, ramming me into my seatbelt.

"Are you sure, Agent P? You look like you took a few good hits."

I tipped my hat to thank him, then slipped it into my pocket as I hopped out of the truck.

He watched me walk a ways before he kept going. As soon as he was out of sight, I clutched my abdomen, wishing he hadn't stopped q _uite_ so fast.

I'd pulled myself together by the time I made it to Isabella's house.

The boys tackled me with hugs as soon as Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro opened the door for me.

Phineas pulled back, and looked up at me, imploringly. "Can we go home now?"

I nodded, matching his answering smile with one of my own.

I still didn't know if Dennis had more people working for him. I hoped not, since that wouldn't mean good things for Hilda. I was on edge the whole way home, but I wasn't attacked until we opened the front door.

Mom let out a little cry, and dove at me, hugging me hard enough to choke the air from my lungs.

"Look, Mom, we found Perry!"

She didn't let up as she started to cry. "Where have you been? We've been worried sick! You didn't even tell us how long you'd be away!"

I hugged her back, needing it so badly. _I'm sorry, Mom. So sorry for putting all of you in danger, and making you worry, and for getting the boys kidnapped._

"Shhh… it's alright. You're home now, safe, and that's all that matters."

Not all that mattered, but pretty darn close.


	27. Quick Visit

Things quieted down real fast.

My family accepted the fact that I'd had to leave for work related reasons rather quickly. Well, after Candace insisted, "C'mon, Mom. Perry's never lied to us before. Why would he start now?"

It stopped the questioning, and was just one more prick of guilt to my already throbbing conscience. I try to be as truthful as I can, but let's face it; secret agents aren't exactly known for their honesty.

I kept getting updates from Carl that I still don't know if he was supposed to be sending, but there was no hint that anyone else had been involved.

So, early that morning, way before even my brothers were due to get up, I slipped out again, but not before activating the security system.

Hey, I didn't like it at the time, but it's not the first time I've had to trust O.W.C.A.'s host family secure system, and, unfortunately, it probably wont be the last.

I was still wondering if I was out of my mind as I went to check on Doof. Right up until I slipped in through the window, and found him on the couch, cuddling a little pink teddy-bear to his chest, and sobbing. Even then, I considered leaving, then stopped, and went over to the couch, and put my hand on his shoulder.

He looked up with tear filled eyes, then turned away, curling into a little ball. "You were supposed to help me, Perry the agent. But you didn't get her back. He's probably had her… killed, by now."

 _Don't say that!_

Yeah, it looked pretty bad, but there was still hope, if only that Dennis had kept her to punish us.

"She, she would have been better off if I'd just left her in Drusselstein."

I sat down, and patted his shoulder. I'd lost a friend, but he'd lost his baby sister.

"What am I going to do, Perry the Agent? What am I going to do without my little Crumbkin?"

I shook my head. _I don't know, Doof. I just… I don't know._ I really didn't. If I had to do it all over again, well, I'd have wiped _Dennis_ 's memory the first time I caught him, and avoided this whole mess. Then everything would be fine, I'd never have scared my family, and Hilda…

Talk about guilt. I'd been so darn sure I could save everyone, I'd cast her aside. I'd been too worried about the problem she was trying to help me solve, I hadn't even acknowledged that she'd told me that she had a crush on me, but felt like we couldn't even be friends.

I'd meant to assure her that there wasn't any reason in the world why we couldn't be friends, but, I hadn't gotten around to it, and now…

I don't know how long we sat there, him sobbing, and me just staring straight ahead, trying not to remember, but trying harder not to forget. Doof went quiet for a while, and then spoke in a soft voice. "She loved you, you know."

I turned to stare at him.

He had a sad smile on his face. "She always tried to deny it, but I could tell. I'd be going on and on about how you thwarted me, and she'd get that look in her eyes, and remind me that you didn't let me die. It hurt, not being her hero anymore, but…"

 _Stop it. Don't do this._

"I used to laugh at the security tapes. Vanessa always went googly eyed over all the boys on tv. Hildie only looked that way when you broke through the window." He sniffed, and swiped his sleeve across his nose. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. I just… she was a good girl, no matter what she did for me, and it hurts that I'll never get to see if you actually would have tried to make a stab at it. If, she'd ever get the courage to tell you."

I sighed, and nodded.

"You mean, she did? You knew?" He looked like he might cry again. "Do… did you feel the same way?"

I couldn't look him in the face, because I couldn't give him the comfort he needed so badly.

"Well… there's that. At least she told you. Thank you, Perry the agent."

I had to get out of there, or he'd have me crying too. I couldn't just… leave him there, so I picked up the phone, and dialed a number, then handed it to him.

"What are you… Oh, hello Nessa sweetheart… Well, actually, I have some bad news. It- it's about your Aunt Hilda, babygirl."

I closed the door behind me, then leaned up against it, and slid to the ground, trying to convince myself that Doof was just being his pessimistic, over-dramatic self. But telling myself that we had no reason to assume that we wouldn't find Hilda, safe, wasn't enough. I had to do something.

I knew Doof would snap back to his senses soon, and realize that now w _asn't_ the time to morn her, but I had no idea how long that would take.

I checked my watch. Still a couple hours before sunrise. I'd look around a bit. Not only did I owe her that much, right now… I was all she had.


	28. Another Loss

I went back to Dennis' place, and the mattress factory, and the abandoned building, and searched them all top to bottom that morning, avoiding other agents who were doing the same thing.

Not wanting to worry my family any more, I made sure I was home before they woke up.

I'd just barely dived under the covers, when my door opened, and Phineas stuck his head it. It closed, and I heard him whisper, "He's still asleep."

I didn't intend to stay 'asleep' for long, since I had to keep them at the house until we were sure about Dennis, but I had to fire off a few texts. First to Carl. ' _What's taking so long? Let me know when you find Hilda D.'_

And then to Annie. ' _Are you alright? Just send me a text to know you're alright, kay? I'm freaking out here._ '

With that, I tucked my phone in my pocket, and got ready for another worry filled day.

It plodded on without incident. Neither person answered my texts. Carl was probably swamped, but it wasn't like Annie not to answer, unless she either couldn't, or she'd lost her phone. And considering her phone wasn't strapped to her wrist like the communicator she'd managed to lose a dozen times… I was worried, yes, but not ready to panic.

It wasn't easy to come up with a project that required the boys to stay indoors. In fact, I ended up challenging them to think of one. So we spent the afternoon building a virtual reality chamber. While the kids fought 'space pirates' I slipped down to my lair, and opened up the detailed map of Danville that Annie and I had put together.

I copied it, and crossed out the areas that I'd searched, then eliminated the least likely locations, and highlighted the areas I'd search myself if things were a bit different. I sent it off to Carl, and sent an email directly to Annie's computer.

I was worried about both of them, but Annie was a trained agent on a mission, and Hilda was a somewhat klutzy victim of circumstances.

I headed back upstairs, and joined in on the space pirate battle, deciding then that if I ever retired from being a field agent, I was never, ever, going to get a job at a command post. I _needed_ to be out there doing _something_ to help.

"Perry? You okay?"

I glanced down and saw that Phineas had walked away from the 'battle' to give me a worried look. I gave him a reassuring smile, but it didn't work this time.

"Is it the friend you had to help yesterday?"

I nodded, a little surprised. Phineas is a little genius, but he can be… unperceptive, at times.

He wrung his hands, but with Phineas, you never have to wonder what's going on in his head long. "If… if you left… could you _promise_ to be home in time for supper, like always?"

I wanted to, but it's impossible for a person with a normal job to make that claim.

He sighed, rubbing his arm. "Yeah, I know. But, can you promise to _try_?"

I nodded at that, and hugged him close. I could almost hear Ferb blink, so I pulled him into the hug without even looking up.

"Go on, Bro. I'll tell mom that you're gonna try to be back by supper."

I nodded, motioning for them to stay inside, then went for my motorcycle.

I'd decided to take my own list and work backwards, counting on the O.W.C.A. to actually follow up on my tip, but I'd found absolutely nothing. I didn't have much time before dinner, but I couldn't head home without at least knowing if they'd gotten any information out of Dennis or Rodney, so I stopped by O.W.C.A. to check in.

For the first time since I'd signed on, my hand-print didn't override the lock on the scanner. It stung, a bit, but it wasn't a problem since Agent D was walking by. He let me in without a second's hesitation. "Scanner not working again?"

I shrugged. Technically, I suppose it _could_ have been a malfunction. The important thing was, I wasn't here to do any damage. I just wanted to get to Carl's office, get an update, and…

I stopped short as I heard a voice I'd been listening for.

"Let. Me. Out! Please? Somebody? Anyone! Help!"

I raced towards the sound, noting that they were coming from the infirmary, not the detention block. What was going on?

I found the room she was shouting from, and found it locked from the outside. I slid the bolt back, and swung it open.

The person pounding on the door jumped back in surprise, tripping over her own two feet. Wide, confusion filled eyes blinked up at me as I nearly collapsed in relief.

"What's going on?" She bit her lip as she scrambled to her feet. "Can you tell me?"

I held out my hand to calm her down, but she just stared at it, then gave me a funny look. She took a couple steps back, hands trembling. "Look, I don't know what you people want, but… I…"

 _What did Dennis do to you?!_ _It's like you don't…_ I sucked in a breath, and pointed to myself."

She let out a little laugh that sounded practically hysterical as she backed into the wall. "What? What do you want from me? Am I supposed to know you or something? I don't know _anything_ , okay?" Tears streamed down her cheek.

I took an instinctive step forward, wanting to assure her everything was fine, but she cowered further into the corner.

A hand grabbed me from behind, and pulled me out of the room.

I nearly lost it, but I recognized Monogram in the nick of time. It's a good thing that green uniform of his is so recognizable, because I might have slugged him as he quietly locked the door. "Agent P." His voice was tired, and he rubbed his mono-brow as he turned towards me. "I was wondering when you'd show up. I was going to tell you, but figured there was no sense until we figured out what to do."

I pointed to the door, trying to hurry him along, hoping he wouldn't just have me tossed out on my rump, because I _really_ didn't want to break back in here.

"Carl got agents griding that map you sent over, and we found her this morning."

Must've been when Carl's texts stopped coming in. I pointed to the door again, pulling out my cell phone. ' _What happened to her?_ '

"Standard procedure, P. You know that."

I stared at him in shock, fingers flying. ' _You did that!?'_

He sighed. "She got too close. When we found her, she was tied up in a closet, cinched up tight, and sporting a cracked rib and a lump on the back of her head. She was barely conscious, and we couldn't get much out of her at first, but she kept mumbling that 'Perry's brothers' were in danger. It was all we could get out of her for a while. Your cover was compromised."

' _You could have left her_ _something_ _!_ '

"We tried, that, but it didn't work. Carl couldn't explain it, but for some reason, the memory wipe had little to no affect on her in short bursts. And since she'd seen your host family, we only had two choices. It all had to go, or we'd have been forced to relocate you. She insisted that you couldn't leave your host family, and volunteered for a full memory wipe."

I stared at him. She'd _volunteered_?

He shrugged. "It didn't make any sense to me, either, but that's how it went down. She told us everything she could remember about receiving a phone call from an elderly lady that lives in the building. She went down to see what she wanted, and was clobbered from behind. Dennis and his buddy roughed her up a little, but all they wanted was a hostage. The rib was cracked when thug tied her up. Apparently he didn't want her to slip out of the ropes."

I kept glancing at the door.

"She's going to be just fine,P. She insisted on the memory wipe when she found out what was at stake. She just, doesn't remember that now." He gave another heavy sigh. "And we have no idea what to do with her."

' _I'll take her._ '

"What?! Agent P, we wiped her mind to protect your cover!"

' _So she doesn't remember. I'll take her back to D.E.I. and try to explain things to her brother.'_

"Out of the question. We need to monitor her to make sure the memory wipe was successful."

If I'd heard the term 'memory wipe' _one_ more time… ' _Fine. I'll take her to AJ's and try to calm her down. She can't stay here.'_

He didn't look like he approved, but he also looked relieved to have the problem taken care of. "Well… why not? If you can talk her into leaving without making a scene, I'll sign off on it."

He turned and left without ever asking me how I'd gotten into the building.

Hilda was alive and well.

But she'd given up everything she'd ever known so that I could stay with my family.


	29. Fresh Start

I took a deep breath, then opened the door again. She was still huddled in the corner, half curled up in a way that suggested that her rib was hurting her too much to do more.

I closed the door, and leaned up against it, wondering what to do.

She wiped her nose on her sleeve, watching me cautiously, looking a little like a trapped mouse.

I studied her, letting it sink in that she'd had her mind wiped clean, and that she had no idea where she was, or what was happening. In that moment, I knew exactly what she was to me; she was a frightened victim, and I needed to calm her down.

I put on my kindest smile, and walked over to her, sliding down the wall so that I was sitting near her, but not blocking her in.

She studied me for a while, gears churning behind those blue eyes, then she took a shaky breath. "I should know you, shouldn't I? I'm sorry… It's just, everybody keeps asking me questions that I don't know the answer to, and they wont answer any of mine… Or am I jumping to conclusions again?"

I shook my head, and pointed to her, then to me.

"We don't know each other, or I'm not jumping to conclusions?"

I was used to her reading me like a book. This was hard. I pulled out my O.W.C.A. wallet, and showed her the pictures of Doof, me, and her.

She gave a little gasp, and snatched the wallet, staring at it like it was the first tangible proof she had that she hadn't just appeared here. "Who's he? And who are you? Who am I for that matter? Oh, please, help me! I, I don't remember anything, and it's awful!"

No amount of reasoning could have stopped me from reaching out and holding her hand right then.

I pulled the phone from my pocket, and typed out a quick text, turning the phone so that she could read it. ' _Tell me what happened?_ '

"Well I don't _know_ what happened. It's hard to explain, apparently, because everyone thinks I'm nuts. To be honest, I'm relieved that you know me, because I was starting to think…" she looked over her shoulder, then whispered. "I was starting to think I might be an android or something."

 _What?_

"I woke up on that bed over there, hooked up to all those creepy scanners. My mind was a complete blank. People kept coming in and checking on me, but no one spoke to me for a really long time." Her voice trembled a bit, so I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

She gestured towards the phone. "I know how to read, and walk, and I recognized what everything is, but I didn't know how I know those things. Anyway, after all that, an old man with a mustache and a monobrow came in, and started asking all sorts of things I _don't_ know, and I realized that… I don't know who I am, or where I came from, or… anybody." She gave me another long, calculating look, then sighed in defeat. Her voice was timid and apologetic. "What's your name?"

I wanted her to know it. To remember on her own. But I couldn't have her calling me Agent Plats anyway. ' _Perry. My name's Perry_.'

"Perry. Huh, it might just be the pictures, but that does have a familiar ring to it."

She hesitated, then gave me a quick hug. "It's so nice not to be alone!"

I hugged her back, nodding.

I got up, and held my hand out to help her off the floor.

As I led her out of the building, my mind was racing. I couldn't bring her home without being relocated, memory wipe or not. And I certainly couldn't bring her to _my_ home. But I didn't have much time if I was going to convince her to trust me before dinner.

So I ended up following my gut instinct; I took her to Annie's house.

There was no car in the driveway, and the place was locked up tight, but I had one of the two keys in existence, and I know her security codes, so it wasn't a problem.

Hilda followed me in, looking around uncertainly. "Do I live here?"

I shook my head, and grabbed a tablet from the coffee table. ' _This is a friend's house. She's on vacation right now, but you'll be safe here until she comes back._ '

She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Is she _your_ friend, or mine?"

' _She's a mutual friend._ ' I was stretching the truth a bit, but really, Hilda and Annie had never had anything against each other. It was more of a, you're the sister of my best friend's nemesis, sort of… complicated mess. The important things was, I knew she wouldn't mind Hilda crashing there, especially under the circumstances.

She wandered around, looking at everything, but mostly just sneaking little glances at me. I could almost feel the questions she was hesitating to ask, but maybe I was just making assumptions based on the questions she'd fired at me the first time we met.

I scribbled another note onto the pad. ' _No, I can't talk, and yes, yes my hair really is this color._ '

She looked away in embarrassment. "Sorry… I just… it's weird that I used to know you. I sort of want to ask what you're like, but right now, I wanna know what _I'm_ like. And what's with the accent? Is it me, or them?"

I smiled, and pointed at her.

She slumped onto the couch. "Oh, great." She was still looking around like she was expecting something.

' _Ask your questions._ '

She stared down at her shoes. "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but… is there… you know… anyone else?"

I blinked, not knowing how to take that until she kept going.

"Am I just, completely alone in the world, or do they just not care enough to be here?"

Wham. Right in the conscience. And how the heck was I supposed to answer that? Oh yeah, you've got more biological family than you can shake a stick at. I'm the one who ought to be alone in the world now. It's just that, only one of them cares that you're alive, and he's my nemesis, so if you'll excuse me, I need to hurry home to my wonderful family and leave you here with zilch.

"Oh."

I winced. By necessity, I have one of those faces, and my guard wasn't exactly up, so I'm sure she caught some of that. I forced a smile, and showed her where to find everything, except Annie's office, and told her to make herself at home.

' _I live just a couple blocks away, so if you need anything, just give me a call.'_ She still had that worried look on her face as I jotted down my number.

I gave her a thumbs up, and turned to go.

"Perry?"

I froze, trying to remember if I'd ever heard her say my name. When I turned to look at her, she was trying to look brave. "Thanks, for… you know. Getting me out of that horrible place. This is much nicer."

I smiled and tapped the small rectangular box that housed the keypad for the security system.

She nodded. "I remember. I'll stay put, and if it goes off, I'll hide in the upstairs closet, and I won't try to shut it off."

I gave her a thumbs up, and turned to go, going over my mental checklist one more time to make sure I'd covered everything. Even if it took Hilda a while to remember how to cook, I was sure Annie had the cupboards stocked with enough sweets and baked goods that she wouldn't go hungry.

The lonely thing I couldn't help right now, but I was going to fix this.

I had to.


	30. Frienemy Request

I know what you're thinking. In order to protect my family, I was keeping the woman who'd sacrificed everything for me, from her brother.

It was selfish, and in no way was it for her own good. Doof was still a mess. If anything, losing her had the potential to make him _more_ evil once he'd recovered from the staggering blow of grief.

And Hilda, well, the Hilda that remembered would have hated me for doing this to him. And the Hilda that didn't remember was so happy to have a friend that knew her once, I could only imagine what knowing she had a brother that loved her would do for her spirits.

But my first duty was to my family. That was true no matter what.

So the solution I came up with was as much of a compromise as I could manage.

I texted Candace. ' _Could you keep a close eye on the boys for me for an hour or so?_ '

It was the next afternoon. I'd made back in time for supper, and managed to stick around the house all morning. I poked my head into the living room too soon, so Candace knew the message was from me, and ignored it until I started tapping my foot.

She rolled her eyes with a dramatic sigh. "I'll call you right back, Stacy." She shot me a look to make sure I realized the full importance of the conversation I was interrupting, then hung up, checking her recent messages. She frowned. "Why? Are they doing something bustable?"

No matter _what_ they were doing, at this point, she'd consider it bustable. ' _You'd probably think so, but I don't know what they're doing. I just need to run into town for a bit._ '

She scanned that message. "Perry, what's up with you lately? You're as clingy as a mother hen in a saran wrap factory."

Despite all I had on my plate, I grinned at her metaphor. ' _I'm just worried about that weird guy they said your pal left them with.'_

She nodded as she read that one. "The one Mom thinks they made up? Yeah, me too. Phineas is too oblivious about people sometimes." She leaned back, studying me. "Yeah, you go ahead and take a break from sentry duty. Do what you need to do, and I won't let 'em out of my sight."

I smiled my thanks, knowing she wouldn't let me down. ' _I'll be gone an hour; two, tops. Call me if_ _anything_ _seems strange._ '

Really, I didn't intend this to take half that long. Candace would watch them; of that I had no doubt. But that just meant that if anything happened, she'd be right in the middle of it, too.

I realize I was bing paranoid, but if being too careful was what it took to keep my family safe, I didn't have a problem with it.

—_

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated looked a lot like it had when I'd left it last. Doof looked even worse. He was trudging around, unshaven, in a bathrobe. He would have made an excellent antonym for 'will to live'. He glanced up at me, then slumped back onto the table, shaking his head with a shrug. "Still nothing. Quite frankly, I don't know if I'll ever care enough to try evil again, Perry the agent."

It was tempting to just leave him there, but I knew he'd wake up one day, soon, trying to filter all that pain and sadness into a plot.

I could have written him a letter, or commented on his blog, but, aside from security risks, I owed it to him to tell him this face to face. I handed over the sheet of paper.

' _I know where Hilda is, and she's alright. I'm sorry, I can't bring her to you, but she's fine, and I'm watching out for her.'_

He stared at the paper, then looked up at me in disbelief. I pulled out my phone, and showed him a few candid shots I'd taken of her yesterday. I'd already made sure that there was nothing in the background that would give away her location.

I let him take the camera from my hands, and shoved them in my pockets, watching as his hand shook as he traced her on the screen. Tears filled his eyes as he looked at me over the camera. "She's alive?"

I nodded.

"Why, why didn't she tell me?"

I pulled the note paper out. I couldn't go into detail, but I wasn't coming back for a while, so I intended to be thorough. ' _Her mind's been wiped. She doesn't remember anything. I'm working on helping her remember, but I haven't been at it long.'_

He snatched the paper, eyes drinking in the words. Doubt took over his face, and he couldn't quite meet my eyes. "She doesn't remember _**anything**_?"

I shook my head.

"So, all that stuff in Drusselstein… it's gone? She has that chance at that normal life she wanted so bad?"

 _Wait…_

He swallowed, staring at her picture. "And, and you're part of it? You're making sure she's safe, and cared for, and… happy?"

I nodded, slowly, wondering where he was going with this.

He looked me square in the eye. "Perry the agent, do you care about her at all?"

I sat down across from him, and nodded, holding his gaze.

His eyes closed in pain. "Then _stop_ helping her remember. Give her _new_ memories to enjoy. Just, whatever you do, don't let her remember _them_."

Her family, Drusselstein, it didn't really matter what he meant. It went unsaid that she wouldn't be able to remember _him_ either.

' _She wouldn't want that. You're everything to her._ '

He swallowed hard, shaking his head. "That's _your_ job now, Perry the agent. I… I knew I hated you for a reason."

He turned away, swiping at a tear.

I scribbled out another note, and shoved it at him, uncomfortable enough without him blubbering. ' _I can't believe that anything could make her forget you forever. When it's safe, I'm bringing her home.'_

He shrugged. "Only if she remembers anyway, Perry the agent, promise me that."

I hesitated, but nodded, certain that she'd remember. She had to. She couldn't just forget him. Or, me.

He nodded back, striking the bargain. He took one last look at the pictures of her, alive, smiling, healthy, then handed me back my phone. "Thank you, Perry the agent. I know you didn't have to tell me any of this."

I nodded, and got up to leave, but I had to give him one last note. ' _Get yourself cleaned up. You wreak.'_

He snorted at that, and I slapped down another note. ' _I'll keep in touch about her condition._ '

There was genuine gratitude in his eyes, and I was glad I'd come. "Thank you."


	31. Responsibility

Going from D.E.I. to Annie's house wasn't unusual but having Hilda yank the door open and beam, "Hi Perry!" certainly was.

She looked much better this morning, but she was still wearing the clothes she'd been kidnapped in. I'd been planning to bring some of her things over, but Doof had refused to send anything, afraid it might make her remember.

I grabbed the pen again. ' _I'm sure it's okay if you borrow some clothes. AJ won't mind._ '

"Are you sure? Because I really don't want to intrude any more than I already am. Lending someone your house is one thing, but your clothes, too? That seems a little unreasonable."

I smiled at her logic. ' _It's fine. Really._ ' Or, at least, it would be if that girl would just text me back. At least I knew she wasn't just ignoring my messages in case they weren't from me. She wasn't the type. But she also wasn't the type to go this long without checking them, so something was up. ' _Hey, I can't stay long, but do you need anything?_ '

She glanced around. "Well, not really. Some memories would be nice, but I guess you can't get me those, huh?" She smiled, then opened the kitchen cupboards. "Okay, this is gonna sound super strange, but… could you bring some recipe books? She's got a ton, but, I don't really want comfort food right now. I'm feeling more like spicy Chicken Alfredo, or muffins. Or bratwurst, for some reason."

She broke off, scratching her head, and I grinned; her stomach certainly hadn't forgotten what she was like. ' _I'll see what I can do. And if the owner shows up, just explain things, alright? I'm not sure she's been getting my messages._ '

Though if she didn't contact me soon, I was going to have to go find her. I told Hilda I'd bring her cookbooks when I next checked in on her, and left her flipping through a magazine, looking for recipes.

Doof's request had completely blindsided me. For his first response to 'her mind's been wiped' to be, "make sure it stays that way"… what had she been through?

And the calm, cheerful way she'd just, adapted hr way back into life. Was there really a part of her that was willing to forget everything?

Could I just let it go at that?

My pocked buzzed, and I grabbed my phone, rolling my eyes when I saw that it was from Carl. 'Hey Agent P. How's the patient doing?'

For a second, I considered not answering him at all. ' _I'm not telling you anything until you tell me where AJ is._ '

'That's against protocol!'

'Agent P?'

'Oh, come on! You're gonna get me in trouble!'

'Please!?'

'FINE. She's doing some undercover work on a cruise ship. We lost contact with her a couple days ago, but the scientist she was investigating was working on a short ranged EMP, so'

I blinked, wondering why he'd stopped until I realized he'd reached his 180 character limit.

' We're assuming that he set it off, since the ship's still above water, and we can't contact _anyone_ on board.'

' _Thanks, Carl. Hilda's settling in fine. No problems.'_

' _And if you get into trouble, I'll take full responsibility.'_

Well that was one mystery solved. I figured it wouldn't hurt to swing by the store and pick up some cookbooks, and some groceries, since Annie wasn't likely to have the right ingredients stocked. That way, she'd be set until tomorrow.

I grabbed two cookbooks and some food to go with them, and was about to check out when a familiar voice stopped me. "You could have given me a list, you know."

I turned and found Mom standing behind a half filled shopping cart, smiling at me.

I smiled back as I pulled out my phone. ' _It's for a friend. Can I help with your list?_ '

"Nope. I've just got to make sure we've got enough for a chicken casserole. How much milk did we have left?"

I held out one finger, and she nodded. "Alright, I'd better go grab another one. See you later, Sweety."

She ruffled my hair, and the man behind the counter snickered. I shrugged with a good natured smile. I knew what it was like to not have a family far too well to be embarrassed by something that made me feel loved.

I was frowning again as I made my way back to Annie's house. I'd promised Doof that I'd only bring Hilda home if she started remembering by herself. In my book, that jest meant I couldn't tell her anything. It didn't mean I couldn't keep dropping little hints that might jog a memory loose. After all, the only reason she was in this mess was because the memory wiper hadn't worked on her.

I opened the door, and walked into the kitchen, smiling at the sound of Phineas's laughter. "Well, there was this one time when Perry accidentally used Dad's super spicy hot sauce. He thought it was ketchup, and really poured it on his hamburger. He didn't keep his cool very well that time."

 _Wait…_

I nearly dropped the bags as I turned to find Phineas, Ferb, and Candace telling stories about me to my nemesis' sister, like they'd been old friends.

Candace was doubled over, and Ferb turned to give me a smirk.

I crossed my arms, very unamused.

Hilda turned to see what Phineas and Ferb were looking at, and tried, unsuccessfully , to hide her grin. Her eyes twinkled. "Um… hey Perry. Watcha doin'?"

I started tapping my foot as even Candace looked up.

Hilda crossed her arms. "Oh don't be mad. It's not like they just started in. I _asked_ them if…" her face paled and she bit her lip.

Candace finished with a giggle. "She asked if you always act so _cool_ , even at home."

I still wanted to know what they were doing here, but I couldn't resist shooting a little smirk at Hilda.

Phineas frowned. "Sorry big bro."

I shrugged. The only harm done here was that Hilda had seen the kids. It was worse than deja-vu-ish, because she'd seen all _three_ of them this time, and she really didn't need to have her mind scrambled _again._

I fired off a text. ' _What happened to watching the boys?'_

Candace checked her phone, and texted back, instead of just speaking. 'I _am_ watching the boys. They wanted to visit Annie.'

' _I thought you were going to stay home!_ '

'You said to watch them, not to keep them home. What's the big deal?'

When I didn't answer that, she blinked at the clock. "Come on, guys. We'd better head home. I'll call Mom and tell her we've got a guest for dinner."

I started to follow them, then froze. A guest?!

Hilda caught the shocked look on my face. "I hope it's alright? Oh, wait a second… you brought groceries! Here you are being all thoughtful, and I'm just standing here talking when I should be helping you put them away! Dumkoff!"

I stared at her as the last word slipped out, but she didn't even seem to notice that it wasn't a normal expression.

I helped her put away the groceries, as I thought things over.

I was convinced that the Hilda that had begged me to help her to remember to turn good, and who had chosen to lose her memory so that I could stay at home, was still in there. I was also banking on the fact that even if she did remember, and told Doof, he just wasn't capable of hurting children.

Right now, I'd have more chance of blowing my cover if I tried to stop her, so my mind was made up for me, in a way I hoped I wouldn't regret for the rest of my life.

Hilda Doofenshmirtz was coming to dinner.


	32. Suppertime

"Please pass the biscuits, Hon."

I nodded, and held out the plate, holding back a sigh as the conversation drifted out of control again.

"So, Hilda, how long have you known Perry?"

She didn't even look up. I held up three fingers, but Mom wasn't looking at me, so I poked Hilda under the table.

She blinked up, mid bite. "Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, what?"

I'd promised Doof that I'd let her remember on her own, but what the heck was I supposed to do when Mom asked who the guest was, and Phineas answered, "A friend of Perry's?"

I'd texted Candace, and she'd read it out loud, ' _Her name is Hilda_ '

At least no one seemed to notice when she stared at me in confusion. "It is?!" One look from me had gotten her to quiet down, but not before she silently tested her own name, wrinkling her nose like it didn't fit.

And that was only the beginning.

Mom smiled, and patiently repeated, "How long have you known Perry?"

"Oh… um, not long."

Candace piped up. "So did ya mean three _weeks_ , or _three_ days… three what, Perry?"

I shrugged, wincing as I noticed that Hilda was the one who seemed the most curious about the answer to that question.

Dad nodded. "Mmm hmm, fascinating. Perry's a great lad, and we're very proud of him. Well, of course we're proud of all of our children."

Candace rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah sure, but, Dad, Hilda's Perry's friend, so let's keep the focus on him, kay?"

She winked at me, and I sighed. She clearly noticed that something was going on, and assumed that she'd finally found me a girlfriend, instead of realizing that… alright, so it was the logical conclusion for a teenage girl who didn't realize I have a secret identity to make.

Mom smiled. "Where do you live, Hilda?"

She shot a glance at me, seeming to realize that there were right answers and wrong answers, and it was just making her nervous. "I'm actually staying with a friend."

"Oh, do we know her?"

"AJ?"

"Hmmm?"

Drat. I hadn't thought of _that_. Without a family to protect, Annie's cover was less creative than mine, but I'd been careful to respect it while handing over her house.

Phineas stepped in, saving the day. "She means Annie, Mom. I didn't know she had a nickname?"

Hilda shot an apologetic glance at me. "She um… doesn't use it much. I guess."

Crisis adverted?

"Oh yes, Annie's a good friend of ours. Practically one of the family! You're in good hands."

"Um, yes… she's very nice. I'm glad I was able to, house-sit for her while she was away." She glanced at me again, and I nodded. She was doing remarkably well for someone who only had a couple days worth of memories in her head.

As long as they stopped the third degree…

"So where are you moving here from?"

"Ah yes! I wanted to ask that as well! Exactly what accent is that?"

I stared blankly ahead, and decided to put a stop to this by inhaling a bite of food; literally.

As I coughed and sputtered on the food particles, I swiped my hand out, intentionally knocking over my water glass to make a bigger spectacle.

Mom jumped up and ran for a glass of water while Dad thumped me on the back like I had something lodged in my windpipe.

Mom pressed a new glass into my hand, and I gulped it down, gratefully. My eyes were watering from my self-inflicted choking spell as I glanced around at the table full of worried faces.

Hilda was quietly mopping up my spilled water with a handful of napkins. When her calculating eyes met mine, they startled me. I knew that look; could see the gears churning inside that head as she tried to figure out if I had done that on purpose, and why. Then she closed her eyes, and rubbed her head like it hurt.

"You alright, Son?"

I nodded to Dad, a little guiltier for worrying them, but it was hardly life threatening. He patted my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Mom settled back into her seat. "Try to chew your food a little more carefully."

I nodded meekly, figuring she'd offer the same helpful advice no matter _who_ had started choking.

Before any of them could ask any more questions, Hilda's eyes lit up, and she took control of the situation. "What do you do for work Mr… um… Perry's Dad."

There were a few chuckles around the table, and I wasn't as bothered as I should have been when Mom said, "We're the Flynn-Fletchers, dear. Perry tends to forget that _some_ people prefer to use last names."

Well in my line of work, I liked to be careful. I was a little confused why Hilda meeting my family and learning my last name didn't bother any more.

It was the perfect topic change, though. Dad loves his work, and she'd just launched him into a conversation about antique dealing that lasted through the rest of dinner.

It was Candace's turn to wash up, but when Hilda insisted on helping, she turned to me, eyes twinkling. "Oh, Perrrrry! You know, you missed _two_ of your nights, and I took 'em, so you owe me. I'm gonna go call Stacey."

I rolled my eyes, and started carting dishes over to the sink.

"It's alright. You don't _have_ to…" she froze, glancing from the sink, to me handing her the plate, comment still stuck on her lips. She shook it off without any breakthroughs, but I couldn't help but think that if she'd been struck by the same sense of dejavu that I had, her memories _had_ to be in there somewhere.

I figured we'd risked enough close calls for one day, so as soon as the dishes were done, I escorted her to the door, motioning that I'd walk her home.

She frowned, but said her goodbyes. As soon as we closed the door, we both heaved sighs of relief.

She turned to me. "I'm sorry. When your brothers invited me over, I assumed that your family knew me, or… what had happened, at least. I didn't realize it would be so awkward." She broke into a smile. "That was fun, though. You've got a great family."

I smiled, letting her do the talking as we walked along. I was a little curious to find what she'd even talk a _bout_ with her limited memory, but she didn't disappoint.

"I really appreciate those recipe books, by the way, and it was really sweet of you to bring groceries, too. I didn't even think of that. You know, your Dad brought up a really good point, and other people are probably going to ask about my accent, too, and isn't it going to come across as _weird_ that I don't know where I'm from? For that matter, what's my last name? Is it as weird as Hilda? Speaking of weird, the stars look weird. Do they look weird to _you_ , or is it just me, because I feel like I'm seeing them for the very first time, but also like I've seen them thousand of times. It's like I…" she trailed off, staring at the rising moon, or, hopefully, what was in front of it.

Now I'd _love_ to take the credit for this, but I couldn't have planned it better if I'd tried.

The full moon was right behind the D.E. , circling the top in golden light.

I paused beside her, watching her stare at it, watching the memories struggling to break free. Almost a full minute passed before she shook her head, pressing one hand to her temple. Then she glanced back up at the building on last time before moving on again.

My steps were more confident as I caught up with her. I turned to smile back at the strangely shaped building. _Don't worry, Doof. Her memories can't be gone forever._

In light of the evening we'd just spent, that should have terrified me, but it didn't. I was more curious to see how this would pan out, even though I wasn't sure why.

The closest I could figure was that spending that week working with Hilda in D.E.I. had made me realize something.

I trusted her.

* * *

 **A/N: I just wanted to let everyone following this story know that I hit the end of my pre-written chapters a few chapters ago, so everything from that point on is completely new, instead of just edited, so it's probably going to take a little longer between updates from this point on. I'm still working on the story, and, even though I guess it could _technically_ end here, I've got a few more scenes in mind.**

 **Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed, especially to Agent B Tiger who's been super about helping me catch spelling and grammar issues, and to Nightflame203 for continued support. I know I've given them a shout out before, but, honestly, they deserve way more!**

 **And thanks so much to you for sticking it out this far! I hope you're enjoying the story!**


	33. Herbal Tea

Hilda didn't say much more all the way home, and I let her think things through, hoping that the sight of D.E.I. had left an impression on her, because she needed to remember as much as Doof needed her to.

That hollow, scared look that she'd gotten when she realized that I'd had to tell her her own name, was tearing away at me, and making me dwell on the things I tried the hardest to avoid. Whips of images in my own head, that refused to be real memories.

I knew what it was like to have details about yourself, that you can't even remember.

She swallowed hard as we got to Annie's door, and I unlocked it for her. "Do you wanna come in?" The crack in her voice told me that it was more of a plea. "I mean, you have more right to be here than I do, but…"

I nodded, and walked into the kitchen, quickly pulling open the cupboard door where Annie kept her tea. I didn't know which ones Hilda liked, and I wasn't sure if she did, but I grabbed Annie's go-to mix of what she called her 'comfort' tea. She'd introduced it to me one day after a particularly hard mission, and I'd made a habit of it ever since. Just the smell of it made me feel better.

She was quiet as I boiled the water, and steeped the tea. She didn't look up until I pressed the cup into her hands, and even the tea only went so far.

I frowned. Maybe the missing ingredient was Annie. She always knew exactly what to say. I had the listening department covered, but that wasn't much use when the other person's run out of words.

I grabbed the notepad as I thought of something to say.

'You never asked me why I don't speak.'

She shrugged. "I told you, I figure that I've already asked you any questions that I…"

I was shaking my head. I used the pen to underline the never.

Curiosity, peaked, she looked up at me. I smiled wryly as I wrote the next words. 'I don't know.'

Her brow wrinkled, but she kept herself from blurting out a comment.

'There's something wrong with my vocal cords, but nobody knows how it happened.'

"What about your parents?"

'I was adopted. Some lady found me strapped in a carseat by the side of the road, and turned me over to the authorities. No one knows where I came from, and I can't remember.'

"How old were you?"

'Two or three. I don't even know my own birthday.'

She looked back up at me. "Is that why you're being so nice to me?"

I shook my head. 'We're friends.'

She finished her tea, and smiled as I got up to go. "Well, whoever I am, I'm very lucky to have a friend like you. Thanks for coming in. I feel much better now."

I nodded, and headed back home, trying to sort the conflicting emotions in my chest. I tried hard not to think of my origins. Even Annie didn't know how I felt. But then, how could she understand? Her story wasn't a happy one, but she at least knew where she came from.

Maybe Doof was right. Maybe it was better not to know. But I knew that the thought had never stopped the feeling that nothing could be worse than not knowing.

Thinking of Doof… I glanced up at the building, no longer circled by moonlight, which made it just seem depressing. I figured I had enough time to pop in for a quick visit.

I kept trying to convince myself that this was spur of the moment, despite the fact that I had pocketed a baggie of Annie's tea when I'd gotten it out earlier. And taken my hat when I left the house…

I opened the door, and blinked; bits and pieces of inators were strewn about the place, some of them evil looking, some of them not, and none of them finished.

Doof was in the corner, rocking back and forth, hair more of a mess than the apartment.

I rolled my eyes, and went over to pull him to his feet. He stared at me with unseeing eyes as I helped him to a chair in the kitchen.

He didn't say a word as I set my phone in front of him, and started making more tea.

He stared at the picture on the phone, and for a minute, I didn't think he was going to respond. Then his mouth twitched into a half smile, and he reached out to change to the next picture.

When I set the tea in front of him, he reached out, and took a sip. "She's doing okay then?"

I nodded, sitting down across from him and leaning on the table. I pointed to him, but he shook his head.

"She'll do just fine without me, Perry the agent. This is probably the best thing that's ever happened to her."

I shook my head slowly to let him know that he'd read that wrong, then pointed to the inator pieces in the other room.

"Me?" He shrugged, taking another sip of tea. He stopped, smacked his lips, then stared down at his cup. "Is this AJ's crappy 'comfort' tea? Of all the sappy… I hope you didn't make a special trip." He glared at me, then shrugged, and took another sip of the tea. I wondered where he'd heard about her tea, but I knew I wouldn't have to for very long. "Yeah, she stopped by that day you left early. You know… the whole, Adult Diaper factory, and the Uelg scheme? I dumped the stuff all over my plane, no thanks to you, and thwarted myself. You SO don't get credit for that, so wipe that little smirk off your face, right now!"

He scowled at me, which only made me smirk harder as a matter of principle.

He rolled his eyes, and took another sip of tea. "Anyway… she showed up at my door with her stupid little tea tin and told me that you didn't have a choice about leaving. Like it mattered, or something. I was all, whatever about it. Tea's not bad, though."

I pointed to the other room again, even though he'd already answered my question.

He sighed. "I'm trying to make this work, but… I guess I sort of forgot how quiet it is around here without that little blabbermouth." His mouth twitched into a sad smile. "And without our daily battles… I'm bored stiff."

He was lonely, that's what he was.

"When can I go back to evil?"

I shrugged, not knowing if I was even going to be put back on duty after what I'd done.

He sighed. "I don't usually play by the rules… except for the important ones, like trapping you, and telling you the plan, and waiting for you to show up, but… yeah. I don't wanna get assigned another nemesis. Life just wouldn't be the same without you, you little pain in the butt!"

I grinned, and punched his arm to let him know that the feeling was mutual.


	34. Surprise!

Something was beeping.

I sat up straight in bed, fumbling instinctively for the O.W.C.A. communicator I'd smashed. My hand fumbled over the less familiar replacement Hilda had made for me, but that wasn't the source of the sound either.

I swiped a hand over my face, and glanced over at my computer. Bingo. There was an incoming video feed. I could have taken it there, but I popped into my closet and took the hidden elevator to my lair instead. The walls in the house are pretty thin.

I clicked on my monitor, and broke into a smile as Annie's welcome face filled the screen.

"Why is Hilda Doofenshmirtz in my bed?"

I grinned at the calm tone of her voice, knowing that I was the first person she'd called, and she knew I had the answers. Despite that, she wasn't mad.

I held out my hands and worked my thumbs like I was sending a message, then pointed to her.

"Sorry about that. The guy I was fighting set of an E.M.P. so I've not contact with the outside world for a few days. How's everything going?"

And just that quickly she moved on from asking why my nemesis' sister was in her house.

I filled her in on the details, and offered to come over.

She shook her head. "Naw, get back to sleep. Morning will come soon enough."

I took that as a hint to head over after breakfast. I went back to my room to try to get a little more sleep in.

_—

As soon as Annie opened the door, I stepped in and hugged her. It was such a relief to have her back where I knew she was safe.

I glanced over her shoulder, and noticed that Hilda was up, and staring at us in shock. She flushed, and ducked into the kitchen.

I glanced at Annie in confusion, and she rolled her eyes at me; something she very rarely does. "Seriously?" She lowered her voice to the barest whisper. "You're the one who remembers she likes you."

I frowned at her, glancing from the kitchen door to her. She didn't remember any of that, so what was the problem?

Annie sighed, then she smiled, her eyes back to their normal, patient selves. "She lost her memory. She's confused, and alone, and she doesn't even know who she is. She doesn't even know why she feels the way she does about a total stranger, but the feelings are there, and then all of a sudden, he's hugging some other girl."

Even then, her implications took a second to sink in. I stared at her in shock and took a quick step back, putting some more distance between us. She had to cover her mouth to stifle the giggle that bubbled out of her.

For anyone else out there who's gotten the wrong idea, Annie and I are best friends, but we are _**just**_ friends. She's like a sister to me.

The faucet was running _and_ Hilda was humming something as loudly as she could, trying desperately to prove that she wasn't listening to us. Or, to Annie, anyway, since I don't make it easy for people to eavesdrop on me.

"So…?"

I blinked at her, then looked away when I realized what she was getting at.

"You never told me what happened." When I glanced back up at her, sympathy had clouded her eyes. "Did she take it badly?"

I shook my head, pointing to the kitchen, and shaking my head again.

"You didn't talk to her."

I shrugged. There had been too much on my plate.

"Well, maybe it would be easier to talk to her now. I mean, she can't take it too badly if she doesn't remember, right?"

I looked her in the eye, and her moth formed a little o. "You don't know how you feel."

I nodded, glancing back at the kitchen. That pretty much summed up my dilemma.

But Annie wasn't done yet. "Which means… you kinda, sorta like her."

I shot her a glare, but it didn't stop the twinkle in her eyes. "Hilda Doofenshmirtz, huh?"

I gave her an equally playful shove, and stormed into the kitchen, mostly to get away from the third degree. Of course I _liked_ Hilda. I just wasn't sure how much. And Annie's teasing wasn't helping anything.

She followed me into the kitchen, but I wasn't worried about her saying anything to Hilda. She's not like that.

"Whatcha looking for?"

She refused to turn around. "Do you have a strainer?"

Annie sounded confused. "For hot cocoa?"

Hilda gave an irritated sigh. "I put too much in, and it's clumped at the bottom."

"Okay then. You two go ahead into the living room, and I'll see what I can do."

She crossed her arms. "I can handle it."

"I'm sure you can, but hot chocolate is one of my specialties. It's not trouble. Run along."

She winked at me and I pretended to throw a nearby cup at her before following Hilda to the living room.

She was biting her lip, and it took all of one glance at me to make her blurt out, "I'm sorry! I just, didn't realize you two were a couple, okay?"

I chuckled silently, and pointed to the kitchen then back at myself, shaking my head.

She looked like she wanted to sink into the couch. Her voice was a tiny squeak. "Oh." She looked away, then shrugged. "So… um, d-do you, you know, have a girlfriend?" Her eyes darted back to me, waiting for an answer.

When I shook my head, she dropped her gaze to the floor, looking disappointed. "Oh."

I frowned. So much for Annie's 'she still has feelings for me' theory. Girls just don't make sense.

She quickly changed the subject. "This is all so confusing. I keep getting these strange feelings, and I don't know if they're memories, or my mind trying to fill in the blanks, or just my imagination. Like…" she glanced towards the kitchen. "I'm supposed to be her friend, and she's all bubbly and nice, but… I just have this sense that I don't like her very much."

I shrugged.

"I don't? And you still had me stay here? Why would you _do_ that?! Unless… I had nowhere's else to stay."

"Perry?"

I held out my pointer finger to tell her to hold that thought, and went into the kitchen.

Annie was back to whispering, but she'd clearly been listening in. "What's up with that, anyway? Why not send her back?"

I shook my head and crossed my heart.

"You promised him you wouldn't? But, that might be her best chance to remember! Why would you promise him something like that?"

I shrugged, nonchalantly, and her confusion melted away. "Gotcha. Just say the word."

Technically, I intended to keep my promise either way. But it always pays to have a backup plan.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks, Nightflame203, for helping me brainstorm Perry and Annie's conversation!**


	35. Hot Chocolate

By the time Annie came out with the cocoa, she was on what looked like a new phone, or , at least, a phone in a different case. She set two cups down, and covered the mouth piece. "Listen, I gotta run and take care of a little problem at work."

Hilda took one of the cups, and blew on it. "But… you just got back from vacation this morning!"

She shot me a knowing look. "That's the way things work at my office. But hey, you two feel free to hang around here, or take a walk or something. Maybe give your memory a workout. Oh! And the water was boiling pretty good. Better let it set a bit."

Hilda watched her go, then frowned at her cup. "Why does she have to be so stinking nice?"

I smiled with a shrug. _That's just Annie._

I held out my hand to stop her, but she wasn't looking at me as she took a sip of her cocoa. "Ow!" She recoiled from the steaming liquid so fast that is sloshed all over her lap.

She leapt to her feet with a hiss of pain as I bolted into the other room to soak down a dishcloth in cold water. I wrung it out, and rushed it back to her.

She took it and pressed it to her already soaked pant leg, then frowned down at the liquid that had spilled on the floor.

She bent to clean that up, but I pushed her gently back to the couch, motioning for her to keep the cold cloth on her leg. I doubted the liquid was hot enough to scald, but I knew from experience that burns had to be tended to quickly.

She sighed as I got another towel, and got to my knees to clean up the mess. "I'm sorry. I guess whoever I am, I'm a klutz."

I grinned my agreement up at her, but the pained look on her face stopped me.

I reached out and touched the side of my cup. The cocoa was, well, hot, but not enough to do any real damage. It had to be the memories then.

I took the towel to the hamper, washed my hands, then headed to the kitchen to grab a couple ice cubes.

I plopped them into our cups with a flourish, and she giggled. "I can't help but wonder how I lost my memory in the first place. The way you've taken care of me makes me think that, either you're just like that, or you feel guilty because you were responsible somehow."

Her words froze me. I owed her, certainly. But that wasn't the only reason I was there. When I looked up at her, the teasing tint had washed out of her voice. "Oh…"

Drat. Now _she_ thought I was just there because I felt guilty.

"Well, whatever it was, it's fine. I've forgotten, so it's easy to forgive, right?"

I shook my head, and she sighed, looking away. "Look, you probably have a life, and you don't need to waste it catering to me. I have no memory, but I've still got a _brain_. Why can't I just go to my own home? It's obvious I didn't live here. _Your_ friend is only letting me stay here because of you. Can't you tell me anything?"

I'd promised Doof I wouldn't, but it was getting harder all the time. Brother's nemesis or not, Hilda never would have questioned why I was sticking around to help her, if she only remembered me.

We finished our drinks quietly, and by the time I'd taken the cups to the sink, I'd decided that Annie was right; Hilda needed to get out of here, and out into the fresh air. I couldn't take her to D.E.I., but maybe seeing some familiar sights around town would spark a memory.

I went back into the living room, and pointed to her leg.

"It's fine. Much better than I thought it would be."

I nodded, and pointed to the door.

She went upstairs to change into some dry pants, then followed me out the door.

"Perry?"

I glanced over at her. My name still sounded so strange on her lips, partly because she'd always called me Agent Plats, and partly because she didn't even know who 'Perry' was.

"It's not that I don't appreciate…"

I put my finger to her lips, stopping her with a shake of my head.

We started walking, and she stopped trying to apologize, so I guess my message was received loud and clear.

She looked around, lips pressed together, looking like she was about to explode, and then I realized what the problem was; she was Hilda Doofenshmirtz, and she didn't understand what was going on. To her, this wasn't a comfortable silence between two friends, it was an awkward silence, and there wasn't much she hated more than an awkward silence.

I smiled at her and tipped my head to let her know that I'd only wanted to stop her from apologizing and thanking me, and that it was alright to talk. For a second, I thought I'd have to get out my phone, but then she gave a sigh of relief.

"It really is nice out today. Is the weather always like this? It feels familiar and strange all at the same time. Like there's some part of me that thinks it should be all colorless and foggy, but I have no idea why, because this is beautiful and I just love all the colors."

I glanced over at her, because it was a side of Hilda she'd never consciously shown, but one thing I _did_ know about her and her brother, is that when they rambled like this, it was about whatever popped into their minds, and most of the time, it was all and honest, childlike show and tell. (I say most of the time, because I'm still not convinced some of Doof's stories were true I know most of them are, and I've come to just believe him rather than doubt him, but the man does _not_ have a fire hydrant under his knee, so he does embellish his stories a tad from time to time.)

Hilda though… she hadn't discovered my listening abilities for quite a while, and while I'd always assumed that they just talked _at_ each other twenty four seven when I wasn't around, staying with them and proved me wrong. Further proof that Doof really _was_ trying to help her forget life back in Drusselstein.

In case you're wondering if I wasn't listening to Hilda, I was. I'm just recording everything she said, because I don't have the time. Suffice it to say that hearing her talk like that, not trying to convince me, or herself, that she had an evil core every five seconds, well, it reminded me why I'd get so mad at Doof for bringer her here. Now that I knew the whole story, I couldn't blame him anymore, but somehow, someway, I was going to find a way to help them both, without breaking my promises to either of them.


	36. Oh, Brother

"That flower's the prettiest one I've seen yet… well, you know… since I woke up. I can't really speak for the other times, and I…"

I followed her gaze trying to figure out what had caught her attention. Her eyes were fixated on a hunched man with a labcoat. He turned, and discovered us staring at him, tipped his hat, and calmly went on his was. The man that runs Danville Pharmaceuticals was just closing up for the day, but the sight of the white coat flapping in the wind had definitely stirred a memory.

I think we were both holding our breaths, and then, her face pinched, and she shook her head in frustration. "For a second… I almost…"

I reached out and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. _Give it time._

She looked up at me and nodded. "I know… it's just weird not having more in there when I know I should. And…" she looked back at the pharmacist. "Do I know that man?"

I didn't know that for sure, but it was a safe bet that it was his clothes that had set her off anyway, so I shook my head.

"Are you sure? Because something in me wanted to recognize, really badly."

I glanced back toward D.E.I., but she didn't follow my eyes, just sighed, and started walking again.

I shot a glare at the purple building. _She needs you, you big oaf!_ How could he be too dense to realize that?

"I'm sorry… didn't mean to go all Debbie Downer again, whoever she is… what were we talking about?"

I smiled at that, and pointed back at the flower.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh, that's right! It's pretty." Her cheeks colored and she glanced sideways at me. "Did I always ramble on like this?"

I nodded with a smile, and motioned for her to keep going.

"Well that's hardly fair to you. But I gotta say, you are a superb listener. You probably hear that a lot, huh?"

I shrugged, people usually tried not to rub my face in it, as if it bothered me.

"No seriously. It's got to be some sort of super talent. I mean, _I_ haven't been listening to half of what I've been saying, but you've given me your undivided attention all afternoon, and I'm sorry if I've told you all this before, but I can't remember, and…"

"Hilda?"

We both turned in shock at the sound of her name. Somehow, I'd forgotten one key element about letting her remember on her own.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Rodger Doofenshmirtz gave that diplomatic, fake laugh of his, holding his hand out in a 'stop it' gesture. "You're not still upset about Mother's little prank, are you?" Before she could ask him what the heck he was talking about, he turned to me. "Ah… Heinz's little friend. What are you two doing this fine afternoon."

"We're just taking a walk, but…"

"Splendid! Well, it was nice chatting with you, but I'm busy, busy, busy, as always. Do try to make it to the next reunion, will you? Oh, and tell our big brother I said hello."

She stared after him, then turned towards me, eyes filled with confusion, and hurt. " _Our_ big brother? I _do_ have family?"

I bit my lip, trying to think of something to do as she took a step back from me. "You've been _keeping_ me from them?! Why would you do that?"

Because he asked me to, really wasn't as great an answer as I'd been trying pretend it was.

Desperate for help, I tried to get Annie, but she wouldn't answer her communicator. So I did the only thing I could do at that point.

I brought her to D.E.I.

When Doof opened the door, he gave me a little smile, that vanished completely as I guiltily gestured to the girl wringing her hands in the hallway. He gave a little yelp, and slammed the door in my face.

Her face pinched up, and she looked about ready to cry.

So I kicked the door in.

Doof crossed his arms, but his look of anger faded as she timidly stepped forward. "Why don't you want to see me?"

He melted like goo, and stepped forward to wrap his arms around her. "Of _course_ I want to see you, my little Crumbkin, I just didn't… no, no… don't cry…"

He cradled her in his arms, and shot a glare at me. "Now see what you've done! I _trusted_ you!"

She sniffled. "Trusted him to what? What's going on, and why won't anyone tell me?! I can't take it anymore!"

"Shh, shhhh, shhh, shhh. You take a seat, and let us talk for just a second, and I promise, I'll make it all better, okay?"

Maybe it was his voice, or her instinct, or maybe it was just his labcoat, but she obeyed without another word.

He turned to me, and crossed his arms for a long moment, then went to fetch me a notepad. "What does she remember?"

I took the pen and paper, and filled him in on everything, leaving my family out of it.

He sighed. "Rodger, huh? That figures, the jerk! Can Monogram wipe her mind again?"

I scowled at him, and he took a step backwards. It was a good thing, because I probably would have slugged him if her hadn't. As it was, I just grabbed him by the collar, and yanked him to the couch and forced him to sit down. Then I pointed to Hilda, and started tapping my foot.

He turned to her. "This isn't going to make sense, but I want you to know right from the start that I only ever had your best interests at heart, and so did Perry the… well, anyway. I'm your older brother, and so is Roger, the Dumkoff you met on the streets. Our parents don't want anything to do with us, and I wanted to give you the chance to start over, so now you're going to go back where you came from, and move on with your life, knowing that the past isn't worth remembering. Okay?"

"Look, you both might mean well, but it's _my_ life. Don't I get a say in what happens? I don't care _what_ my memories were… they were _mine_ , and that makes them worth something to me. Quite a bit actually."

My old friend, Mr. Guilt, was back again.

"If I don't ever remember you, that doesn't mean I want to just, shove you out of my life. And something in here, still knows you." She put her hand over her heart. "Don't shut me out, please."

He sighed. "Alright. I surrender. You can drop in for visits. But only once in a while. You'll get sick of me, and won't want to come around anymore anyway, you'll see."

She smiled at him. "Thanks. Now… maybe you can tell me why I have the strangest urge to reverse those two wires in that funny looking machine over there?"

He glanced over at the practically constructed inator she was referring too. "I don't… hey! You're right!" He rushed over to the open panel. "This would have blown up in my face!"

She shot me a concerned look, and I just shook my head with a smile.

It certainly wouldn't have been the first time, and I doubt it would have been the last.


	37. Calming Down

"I'm sorry that got so weird back there, it's just that for a while, I was really starting to think you'd betrayed me or something. Sorry about that. I should have known better… well, technically, I _shouldn't_ know better, what with my memory being gone and everything, but I _do_ know better, and I'll try hard to remember that from this point on."

In case you can't tell from the context, I was walking Hilda back to Annie's after our eventful talk with Doof.

She was practically skipping as we walked along, because she'd just, in essence, discovered a long lost family member.

When we got back to Annie's house, she was waiting for us, looking a little like the cat that ate the canary. I regarded her suspiciously at first, expecting more teasing, but she just ushered us in through the door.

As I walked by her, she reached down, and took the watch Hilda had made from my wrist. Her eyes twinkled as she dashed upstairs with it.

Hilda gave me a funny look, and I just shrugged.

"Well, since she's acting so weird, I'm just going to go ahead and get started on dinner. Can you stay?"

It was tempting, but I really had to get home.

"Oh… well, thanks for today, anyway." She turned and walked into the kitchen, and I followed.

"I'm sorry, I thought you meant you couldn't…"

I shook my head again, and pointed upstairs.

"Or, right… you're waiting for her. Well, would you mind opening this for me then? These jars are always impossible to…" she broke off mid-sentence as the seal popped. I grinned at the look on her face. "Oh, sure… make it look easy."

Annie was coming back downstairs. "Perry?"

I handed Hilda back the jar, and went back into the living room.

Annie tossed the watch back at me, that twinkle still in her eyes.

I didn't catch on for a second, then I pressed a button, and saw that she'd hooked it up to the O.W.C.A. secured satellite. I was back in the mainframe, which meant…

She kept her voice low. "Welcome back, Partner."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The longer they'd taken coming to a decision about me, the more I'd started to wonder if I really was going ot kicked out of the agency.

She nodded towards the kitchen. "Any progress?"

It didn't take long to fill her in.

I said my goodbyes, and left the two of them squabbling over spices in the kitchen. No way was I going to get involved with that mess.

As I headed home, I made a mental note to side with Annie on all things desert, and to back Hilda in the other meal areas. Probably something I should have shared with my friend, but I figured she'd discover that on her own, soon enough.

Things back home had settled down. Phineas simply grinned at me and said, "Oh, there you are, Perry!" as I opened the gate to the back yard.

Their invention for the day was a giant record player that they were roller-blading on. Ferb pointed to my skates, which had 'somehow' just appeared beside the other pairs of shoes, so I changed into them, and joined in.

The hardest part was actually just getting on the thing, since the record pretty much took care of the rest. It didn't get boring though, because every once in a while, one of the kids would call out something to change it up, and we'd all scramble to try it, dodging the others when they'd fall, and end up spinning around until they got to the needle arm.

Just as Mom's car drove in, a green ray of light hit the record player, shrinking it down to normal size, and leaving us all to fall onto the lawn. Ferb, Isabella, and I managed to land on our feet.

Mom opened the sliding door. "Actually, Candace, they're skating _to_ music, not _on_ music. Having fun, kids?"

Cheers went up all around.

"Well that's nice. Anyone want to take a break, and come in for a snack?"

Everyone started taking their skates off except me. I pointed towards the gate, and indicated I wouldn't be long.

"Alright, Sweety, but supper will be ready soon."

I gave her a thumbs up, but my smile faded the moment I skated out of sight.

That green ray had come from D.E.I.

I would have been sure of it, even if it _hadn't_ obviously been the infamous Shrinkinator.

It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, but it was always unsettling. Personally, I'd sooner buy Candace's 'mysterious force' theory, than assume that Doof was doing it on purpose. I highly doubt he'd do anything to endanger my family, even if her knew about them, but I knew he didn't know about them, if only because Doof can't keep a secret. Still, that Shrinkinator had been far too close to the kids, and there was always a chance, however small, that he'd looked out the balcony, and recognized me in the back yard.

I got there, and rang the doorbell.

He opened the door, and studied me carefully. "Um… yo… Dude… Do you have the wrong address, or are you selling something? I didn't order a pizza, did I? If I did, I hope it was more then fifteen minutes ago, because I'm low on cash."

I pulled my helmet off and put my fedora on instead.

"Perry the agent!" He said it that weird half yell half gasp way he always does, then his face went bland again. "What are you doing back here?"

I skated over to the Shrinkinator, and turned it so that it was pointing inside the building. Then I made sure no other inators were pointing off the balcony, or any windows for that matter.

"What are you just here for maintenance work? That's rude! Especially considering that we're both waiting for you to come back on duty! How long is it going to take before you're my nemesis again, huh?"

The fact that Doof hadn't even recognized me without the hat reassured me that he wouldn't have known it was me even if he _had_ seen me outside my house. Strange, and bewildering, but useful.

The mystery was cleared up when I saw that Norm was dusting. I tipped my hat to them, and skated back out the door, and to the elevator with a sigh.

For someone who wasn't technically Doof's nemesis, I was certainly spending a lot of time in this building.


	38. Song Ago

I was just about to turn in for the night when I got a text from Annie.

'Perry, I just sent you a clip from the O.W.C.A. security camera. You NEED to watch it.'

I frowned. She knew that I'd watch it if she sent it to me, work related or not. See, one of Annie's job, officially or no, is to go over security footage that's going to be deleted, just to make sure we're not dumping something important, since not all of our cameras are manned by agents. Personally, I suspect it's really Carl's job, and he just talked her into helping with it.

I fired my laptop back up, and opened her message. My interest only grew when I saw that the clip was of Hilda, waiting in her little room. She was pacing the floor, and I could tell that this was before her mind had been wiped clean, just by the way she was muttering under her breath.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to stop her hands from shaking. And then, softly, she started singing Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone.

It took me a minute to realize that this wasn't just some random song, and that the words were meant for one person in particular.

' _Do you think she meant Doof, or… who?'_

'Yeah, I think it's a pretty safe bet she meant you.'

' _Annie!'_

'Hey, you're the one that told me she admitted to having a crush on you. An obvious one, I might add.'

' _Are you sure you're not just getting back at me for giving her your house?'_

'Yeah, sorry buddy.'

'-_-'

'XD'

':P'

'XD'

' _You said that already.'_

'Night.'

I rolled my eyes as she abandoned me to my confusion, but really, I knew she was helping as much as she could. It wasn't as if she could wave a magic wand and tell me how what my own feelings were.

I'd never _disliked_ Hilda, I knew that much. But I hadn't really noticed her the way she seemed to have noticed me, either. She was just, Hilda, before she'd gone and made things all complicated.

Love is such a tricky word. Maybe because its so simple, and so impossible to understand, all at the same time. Nobody has to sit down and think about how much they love their family, or even their friends. They're there, in the your life, and you just, love them.

And then there's love. The mushy, sparkley, romantical, stuff that belongs in soap operas and greeting cards, but not real life.

I wasn't sure I'd ever feel that way about anybody, but at the same time, the thought of spending time with Hilda didn't make me nauseous. I just didn't know if that was a good sign, or a bad one, or even which way I was hoping it would go.

Pretty much the only thing I was sure of as I watched the clip again, was that I hoped with all my heart that the girl singing on the bed wasn't really gone, because she deserved better than all of that.

_—_

I spent the next day at home,deciding to see if having some time to think would help Hilda any, and knowing that Annie would give me a call if it just gave her more time to ramble to someone. Annie would listen. She's a great listener, even though she has to do the talking for me while she's listening, to make sure she's getting things straight.

But Doof and Hilda have something in common; they don't need someone to listen and then return advice, or words of encouragement. They just need some to _listen_ while they sort through things on their own. Annie… was just having trouble picking up on that. Her good heart sometimes gets in the way of actually helping people, but not when it counts.

"Hey, Perry."

I turned as Candace walked up behind me, looking bored.

I smiled at her, then turned back to watching the boys. She pressed her nose to the glass, and started watching them, too.

"I'm going to get the drop on them today. I'm not going to wait for their thing to be completely done, just done enough to be _bustable_ , and then by the time Mom gets here, maybe it'll be done, but not gone yet. It'll work." She turned to face me. "Will you help me?"

She looked pitiful, but it just took one glance back at the boys project to convince me, yet again, to stay out of this. I shook my head.

"Perry! Come on!"

I gestured to the massive cheesecake Buford had insisted they make. It was large, and admittedly strange behavior for kids, but there was nothing dangerous about it, as long as they hadn't borrowed against their college funds to pay for the ingredients.

I really don't know where those kids get the money for the materials they have delivered. Maybe just from working trade deals with all the companies in Danville? I knew they weren't robbing banks or anything, so it didn't bother me enough to ask. I was surprised Candice hadn't added that to her list yet, but I certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

Candace sighed. "Okay. Maybe you're right. The only thing more un-bustable than this, was that time they made the quilt. With my luck, this would end up being the only thing Mom ever saw, and she probably wouldn't even do anything about it." She leaned against the door again, and slid down it, the glass squeaking against her face.

I caught her by the arm, and pulled her to her feet, opening the door.

"You want to go _help_?"

I shrugged, and let go of her arm, but she followed me anyway.

The cheesecake was kind of anticlimactic, but it tasted great, and the boys surprised Candace with a section that was completely non-dairy.

Half the town showed up in response to fliers the fireside girls put out, and soon, we were all busy serving people.

Phineas and Ferb hadn't just made allowance for Candace's food allergy; some sections of the pie were sugar-free, and some were even cheese-free, and there was plenty of it.

My plan backfired when Hilda towed Annie in through the fence.

Annie gave me an apologetic shrug, but I waved it off. It wasn't like Hilda hadn't already met my family, and it wasn't as if Doof had shown up.

I nearly choked on my slice at the thought, and I gave the crowd the once over. But once again, my brothers had managed to through a party inviting everyone in the Tri-State-Area into our backyard, without a single scientist from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. showing up.

Candace probably would have attributed that to the mysterious force, too.


	39. Back to Work

I was happily chewing my cereal that morning when my watch beeped. I was alone in the kitchen, so I quickly swallowed the last two spoonfuls, and dumped my bowl in the sink, making for the nearest exit.

"Ah, Agent P, I see AJ got your equipment back on line. Excellent. Now that Doofenshmirtz has been notified that you are back on duty, his blogging activity has gone down, and that can only mean that he's back to being up to no good. Better get over there. And, welcome back, Agent P."

I saluted, and headed for my hover-car.

When I got to D.E.I. I hesitated. Just using my key seemed as wrong as breaking the door down did. After all, Doof had been on his best behavior, and I didn't want to smash his door in if he wasn't up to no good.

But don't think I just knocked, just because I wasn't planning on breaking anything. I climbed in through the air vent that's missing the screws, practically an invitation to come in. (It probably is, since it would save him a fortune on repairs, but hey, my job isn't to make his life easy.)

I snuck into the building, and landed in the middle of the room.

Doof spun around in shock, then eyed my in disbelief. "Perry the agent, you broke in? You think I'm up to no good _just_ because it's your first day back on the job? How could think that? I'm hurt!"

He reached into his pocked, and pulled our a handkerchief, "And by that, I mean, completely _un_ -hurt!" that was covering a remote. He pressed the button, and then a large cage dropped over my head.

He cackled. "I didn't think I'd get to use that one today, what with you having a key, and all. By the way, give that back!"

I rolled my eyes as I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it over to him. _Like I ever needed a key to get in here._

"Cut the sarcasm, Perry the mouth-nt. I'm aware that letting you keep this would save me from having to replace my door, a lot, but that's not how things are done around here, now are they? I said _stop_ rolling your eyes! You won't be rolling your eyes when I'm in charge of the Tri-State-Area, I can tell you that much! I'll make a specific law, just for you. I'll add that to the list. That's right. I've got a list, Perry the agent. A contemplation of all the things you will no longer be allowed to do, and thwarting me is right up there at the top of it."

He walked back over to the inator. "As you may or may not be aware, we have a large central shaft in Drusselstein, that powers everything. There was an energy crisis for years, until two kids showed up out of the blue and fixed it during my driving test, which I'm sure you remember, unless you blocked it out. But anyway, the central shaft would be considered crazy anywhere else, but yet, it's actually the one area in which Drusselstien is actually ahead of the game! It's completely clean, limitless, green energy! The trouble is, it doesn't make sense literally anywhere else, but I got to thinking that if I could design a shaft that would work, I would be revered as the man who saved the ecosystem, and then I could take the Tri-State-Area by the force of my popularity!"

He had been alone in this building for _way_ too long. I shook my head as I used the lock-pick.

"But, unfortunately, this has proved to be harder than I would have thought, and my scale models indicate that _series_ of shafts would prove to be too cumbersome. So, instead, I invented, _this_! The Drusselstein-area inator! I am going to blast the Tri-State-Area with this baby, and it will be stretched out exactly like Drusselstein, only bigger! The current power system we use will be disconnected from the outside world, among other problems, and I will step in with the answer! And now Perry the agent, get ready to tremble as the very ground changes and distorts, and hopefully doesn't crush us all in the reshaping!" He reached for the button, then paused, and turned to look at me. "How's Hilda doing, by the way?"

We'd slipped back to the old routine so comfortably, I almost looked around for her. I caught myself in time, and nodded.

"Oh, good. No more memories then?"

I shook my head. _Not yet._

"Probably for the best. Now, prepare!"

I kicked the door open, and tackled him to the ground. He shot back to his feet, but I punched him in the face, and turned to slap the self-destruct button.

He gave a sigh of relief as I yanked him out of the way. "What took you so long? For a second there, I thought you were actually going to let me go through with it! Do you have any idea how cumbersome a central shaft is? And the constant sound of it turning, and I would hate to be the poor goat trying to keep up with the electronics the kids around here use!" He crossed his arms, scowling at me like it was my fault his idea had been stupid.

I glared at him for as long as I could, but a smirk broke free.

Slowly, he tensed, face contorting as he tried to hold in the laughter.

I reached over and punched him lightly on the arm, and he started to cackle. "Alright. I'll try to come up with something better tomorrow. Curse you, Perry the agent."

I dialed up my hover car as I crashed through a window, the same, mutual feeling still there between us.

It was good to be back.


	40. Rude Awakening

Thwarting Doof had started me thinking about an idea, and by the next morning, I was eager to see if it was going to work. Annie and I had texted back and forth for quite a while last night, and now that everything was set in motion, I couldn't wait for Major Monogram to call me, and send me into work.

It took a little longer than usual, so I headed out back with the boys after breakfast. We played a lazy game of catch while Phineas brainstormed, and Ferb and I just listened.

"We could always go back to our early idea pages, and finish those up. We never did find a Dodo Bird, you know." He rambled on, while we tossed the ball back and forth. Just as my impatience was starting to fade, my watch beeped.

Phineas and Ferb were so used to me being paged into work at this point, they just stopped throwing the ball to me, keeping the one sided conversation flowing while I pulled out my cell phone and stepped out of hearing range.

"Agent P, we're receiving reports of mass amounts of balloons pouring out of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. We're not sure _what's_ going on, but you'd better get over there, and check it out."

I saluted, and cut the signal. As I headed for the gate, I waved to the boys.

They both waved back. "See you later, Bro!"

I fired a quick text to Annie, then got on my motorcycle, and headed for D.E.I., taking the long route. Just as I pulled up beside the building, I got a text from Annie giving me go-ahead. I smirked, then headed on up to the top floor, where I promptly kicked in the door.

Sure enough, the place was _filled_ with thousands of balloons, all tied down to various, stationary objects. The roof was open, and Doof was on the floor, frantically building something. He didn't even look up. "Not one _word_ from you mister!"

A metal pole shot up behind me, popping a large balloon, which then proceeded to wrap tightly around me, tying me to the pole.

"You're probably wondering what's up with the balloons. But what you should be asking, is what _isn't_ up. And I'll even give you a clue. This building, Perry the agent. This building isn't up." He gave a heavy sigh, shaking his head. "See, I was in the middle of building an inator this morning, when the landlord called, and told me that I was late on my payment. He said normally he gives people more time, but other people living in the building complain about me. Can you believe that?! Anyway, he's evicting me, and I won't have the money until Charline pays her alimony check, so… I sort of panicked. The plan was to float the building away, and make my escape, you know, like in that movie, but… yeah, I ran out of balloons."

We looked around the place, and I wondered if _he_ was wondering why he'd had that many balloons lying around to begin with.

"So I resorted to plan b. And then I decided that plan b should really be the balloon thing, so I decided to call this plan float-inator! Which would be ready and on time for you, except for me getting all distracted on the balloon thing. They look nice though. So if you could just sit there, and pretend you're at a party or something until I'm ready, I'd appreciate it. I'm almost done."

The trap wasn't particularly comfortable, but I didn't have a problem with waiting.

It was a while before Doof was done. "Alright, thanks for waiting so patently. Now, as soon as I shoot this baby at the building, we're gonna be rent free!" He cackled evilly, which was my cue to break free of my balloon trap.

I reached for the nearest thing, which was, of course, a balloon.

Doof grabbed one as I came at him, and just that quickly we were locked in an Star Wars-like balloon battle. (Doof's particularly found of Star Wars like battles, and, don't tell him, but I don't mind them either.) I backed Doof into a corner, but was distracted by a familiar voice in the next room. "Just let GO of me!"

I frowned, dropping my balloon. Doof looked insulted, until he recognized the voice too. "Hildie?"

We both rushed to the other room, where Hilda was trying to get away from Annie, who let her go as soon as she saw that the gig was up.

"Hildie, baby, what did they do to you?"

She backed away from all of us, hugging herself, face pinched in confusion.

I mentally kicked myself; it was an awful lot to take in all at once, and there was never any guarantee that it would even stir a memory, but that was where Annie was supposed to have come in. I glanced over at her. She looked worried, but she gave me a reassuring smile.

Slowly, Hilda looked at each of us, like it was for the first time ever. The confusion drained away from her face, and she gave Doof a little smile before turning to me. "Agent Plats?"

Doof let out a pent up breath. "Aww man… for a second there, I thought she remembered."

I was too busy fist-pumping to pay him much attention right there.

Annie stepped forward and put her hand on Hilda's shoulder. "How're you feeling?"

Her smile had lost some of that animosity she used to have towards my partner. "Overwhelmed, but things are starting to settle into place. I… I don't understand. They said the memories would _stay_ gone."

Doof caught that one. " _Stay_ gone? What do you mean? Who did this to you?!" Apparently he'd already forgotten that it was _his_ idea to leave her in the dark.

She turned to answer, but something crossed her face. "Never mind. It's not important. At least, I don't think it is."

Annie turned. "Doof, this is for her own good." She grabbed his arm, and yanked him towards his bedroom, while he squawked protests until she assured him again it would help Hilda. With that, she locked him in his bedroom, and came back over.

Hilda swallowed. "Thanks, you guys… for… for everything. But… I know more about your family then I did before, and I know where you both live now… doesn't this mean I just have to go through it again?"

Annie and I exchanged a look, and I nodded. "We're in an a _lmost_ no-win scenario. If we wipe your memories again, you'll probably just remember anyway, and it was cruel to make you go through that _one_ time, your choice or not. Besides, that was a last resort, so, chances are, if we tell Monogram what you remember, he's probably just going to relocate us."

"But that's what I _didn't_ want!"

Annie took a deep breath. "So look… now, I hate lying as much as anybody, weird for a spy, I know, but bear with me; our third option is to tell Monogram that you remembered your brother, and moved back in with him, but let him assume that you don't remember Perry, or me, or staying with us."

Hilda blinked, looking from her, to me. "But, what if he asks?"

"We'll tell him that everything's okay."

She swallowed. "But… it's not."

Annie glanced at me, and I smiled, giving her another nod. "Yeah, it is. We know that you chose to give up everything for Perry, and we're willing to trust you."

Her eyes went wide and she turned to stare at me in disbelief. "With you _family_?"

Annie shot me an uncertain look at that one, but I just handed Hilda the note I had ready. ' _You're not capable of hurting children.'_

She didn't give me back the paper, just blinked back up at us, tears in her eyes. "I won't let you down. Thank you, so much."

Annie smiled. "Well, you'd better not. Now go let your brother out before he builds an inator. Which reminds me…"

We all turned to look at the inator standing in the middle of the room.

Hilda smiled. "Oh, you guys can blow that up. I've got money saved up from repair work around the apartment. I can help him pay the rent. Thanks again, for everything."

Annie rolled her eyes, and stepped behind her, giver a gentle shove that sent her tripping forward. "Oh, hug him already. I'm gonna go release your brother."

Hilda flushed red as Annie turned to walk down the hall. "So… how much do _you_ remember?"

I couldn't stop the smirk, so I took a step forward and gave her a hug to let her know that there were no hard feelings. When I pulled back, she was flushing even harder.

"I… um, hope your plan works. You're putting an awful lot on the line just so that I can remember, you know. You really don't have to. If Monogram see's through you guys, you can tell him…"

I tapped her forehead. When she stopped talking, I handed her another note. ' _I couldn't thank you before, for doing that. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, but please, next time, let's work something out together.'_

She grinned. "Oh sure. Start worrying about next time already! You know, you're a bit of a pessimist."

I shrugged. It wasn't exactly a fair comment, considering my hopes that her brother would one day turn from his pursuit of evil, but as far as my fear of relocation was concerned, I guess she _did_ have me there.

"C- can I still call you Perry?"

 _Well it_ _is_ _my name._ I nodded, waiting for Doof and Annie to walk all the way over to us before I walked calmly to the inator, an pushed the self destruct button.

For all my efforts at fair play, Doof didn't even try to stop me. He was too busy worrying about his sister.

She smiled at him, and led him to the couch. "It's alright, Heinz, I can fill you in on a little. The important thing is…" she stepped back and punched him on the shoulder. "How _dare_ you let me forget you! Don't you know how much you mean to me, you big Dumkoff? You and Vanessa are the only two decent relatives that I have, and you mean the world to me, and just because I forgot you doesn't mean…"

Sensing that the scolding could go on for a while, Annie and I took out leave.

I almost expected Doof to curse us as we stepped over the broken door, but from the look on his face, the tongue lashing was doing him more good than harm.


	41. Different's not so Bad

I was still asleep when my watch beeped the next morning. I yawned, then answered it, trying to look alert, but knowing that it didn't matter.

Monogram actually looked worried. "Agent P, Doofenshmirtz is up to no good again, and apparently you _can_ teach an old evil scientist a new trick. (I've been waiting to use that line, hmm.)" He cleared his throat, and shook off his amusement with his wit. "It seems that Hilda Doofenshmirtz has remembered who she is, but nothing about your cover. Unfortunately, while obtaining this information, Carl let it slip that _we_ were the ones who wiped her mind in the first place."

Carl's nasally voice protested from off-screen, "I did not! You were the one communicating with him!"

"Quiet Carl! Go clean the bathrooms, and think about what you've done!"

"But! Yes, sir."

"The important thing is, Doof's sworn revenge on the O.W.C.A. and you need to put a stop to it! Good luck, Agent P."

I saluted, and cut the signal. Leave it to the people who are constantly telling you how to keep secrets to not be able to keep their mouths shut. Maybe someone ought to threaten to relocate _him_ once in a while. I rolled my eyes as I got dressed, and took the passage to my lair, figuring today was a hover car sort of day.

When I got to D.E.I., I proceeded with a little more caution than usual, knowing first hand how overprotective Doof was of his little sister. I couldn't exactly fault him for that, but I certainly couldn't let him get his revenge on O.W.C.A. either.

I made my way into the building, and walked straight into my trap. I sighed, and squinted at the inator in the shadows, trying to figure out what it did.

"Uh, uh, uh! No cheating, Perry the agent. That's _my_ job!"

Something pounded against the bedroom door. "Heinz Doofenshmirtz, you let me out of here this instant! I mean it!"

I crossed my arms and leveled a look at my nemesis. _Really?_

He scowled. "Don't judge me! If anything, it's _your_ fault! You just _had_ to restore Hilda's memories, didn't you? And why not, since your little agency is responsible for stealing them in the first place!"

I'm sure my eyes went a little dull at that. Most people would be mad about one or the other, but oh no; Doof was determined to be mad about both, despite the fact that they pretty much canceled eachother out.

He saw the look, I know he did, but he chose to ignore it. "So I'm sorry, Perry the agent, but you brought this on yourself, or, rather, Major Monogram did. I guess when I really think about it, you might have been an innocent victim in all of this, too. But since you're not going to just sit there and let me wipe all the memories from every agent in O.W.C.A., I'm not letting you out of there."

My eyes widened. Sure, the stakes got high in our daily fights, but having my mind wiped, forgetting my family, and friends, and the agency… being alone again… _Woah, it's not going to happen, because I'm going to stop him. Get a grip, Plats!_ I quickly amended my mental scolding. Yeah, Perry Plats would do what he could, but it was Perry _Flynn-Fletcher_ that was going to fight the hardest right now. I ignored the fact that it proved his point about what an awful idea it had been to take Hilda's memories. I _never_ agreed with that dumb plan.

"Heinz, you don't understand! You let me out right this second! Perry? Are you out there? Let me out!"

I looked back at Doof, and he went back on the defensive. "Again, _not_ my fault!" He walked over to the bedroom door, and leaned against it. "Hilda, sweety, I'll let you out of there just as soon as we're done here, okay, Crumbkin?"

"Open the door, Heinz, you're going too far!"

"Look, I can support your decision to be good, but it's Perry the agent's job to thwart me. Not yours. We're going to have to lay some ground rules, but we can make this work. Trust me."

Yes, I took full advantage of this distraction by breaking free of my trap, and punching the self destruct button.

Doof sighed without bothering to turn around.

"Can I come out now?"

He opened the door. "Yes."

She immediately darted out and stood in between us, standing protectively in front of her brother. "He was trying to take things too far, but please don't hurt him."

She'd recovered well from yesterday's shock, by the looks of it. With the inator gone, I didn't really need to fight Doof, who was giving me an apologetic frown. Not for the inator, I knew better than that. It was for the interference from girl in front of him, who was likely to be a problem from this point on. I guess neither of us had considered how difficult it was going to be for her to just stand on the sidelines now that wanted to keep her brother from doing anything harmful.

So that's where she stood, both literally, and figuratively. Because she couldn't stop loving her brother anymore than I could keep pretending that she didn't love me.

I looked up at Doof and shrugged one shoulder. He shrugged back, and then nodded. "Alright, truce, but just for today, Perry the agent."

I didn't see how it was really a truce since I'd already won, but I let him off easy, for Hilda's sake. After all, he hadn't really done anything.

I tipped my hat, and left by the front door, making it home in time to find my family sitting around the breakfast table.

Phineas was just asking, "Hey, where's Perry?" as I slid into the seat next to him.

"Oh, there you are, Bro. Look, we're having pancakes!"

I grinned as I dished up a couple, listening to Mom and Dad planning out their days. Candace was busy texting someone, the sly look on her face hinting that she was on a mission.

After breakfast, I helped the boys build cannons that shot us from one place to the next in a forceful blast of air. It doesn't _sound_ safe, but they had the equipment monitored so that nothing could go wrong.

We were trying to figure out how to levitate a second air cannon so that we could shoot up into it, and then glide down, when Candace came out. I figured she was just going to tell us that she was going to tell Mom, but instead, she called to me. "Hey, Perry, can you do me a quick favor?"

I nodded, and stepped away from the drafting table.

"I'm supposed to meet a friend at the mall, and I'm going to be late if you don't give me a lift. Please?"

We headed around to the front of the house, and I tossed her a helmet.

I drove her to the mall, and she hopped off the motorcycle, clicking the strap on her helmet to remove it. "Thanks, I…" she froze, staring at something.

Concerned, I tried to follow her gaze, but I didn't see anything out of the ordanary.

"There was a guy, staring at me."

 _What?_ My head spun back around as I got off the motorcycle, but before I could go charging off after the guy, she grabbed my arm. "No, please don't leave me!"

Still not seeing anybody, I nodded, and walked her into the mall.

She led me into one of the little food courts, and frowned. "Uh oh, they're out of seats."

I realized I'd been trapped when a cheerful voice spoke up from behind us. "That's okay, you guys can sit with us."

We turned towards Annie's voice, to find her sitting at a booth with, yeah, you guessed it; Hilda.

I waited for Candace to sit down, but she just sort of smirked, and motioned to me. "Age before beauty!"

I rolled my eyes as I slid into the booth, already noting that Annie had Hilda trapped on the other side. However, instead of sliding in next to me, Candace checked her watch. "Would you look at that! Annie, if we don't get going, we're gonna be late for that swap meet!"

Annie stood up, grabbing her purse. "You're right. Hey, Perry, I already ordered, so would you mind eating my food for me? Thanks a bunch!"

Candace waved. "Thanks for the lift!"

They turned, and I couldn't see the twinkle in their eyes anymore. I rolled mine, somewhat amused by their blatant disregard for how obvious they were being. I looked across the table, at the menu that Hilda was hiding behind.

With a smirk, I reached across the table, and pushed it down.

She tried to sink under the table beneath it, ears and cheeks a bright red. When our eyes met, she gave up. "You need to know that I had _nothing_ to do with this!"

I nodded with a kind smile, and shrugged one shoulder.

She gave a sigh of relief. "Sorry about this morning. It's not that I don't think you can do your job, it's just…"

I grabbed a napkin, and she handed me a pen. ' _You're caught in between us, I get it. We'll figure something out. We_ _really_ _need to get you a cell phone._ '

She chuckled as she read the note. "But that's so ordinary. I mean, anyone can text."

She looked around the room, then sucked in a breath and hid behind the menu again as a scientist from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. came in a picked up his order. As he left, she lowered the menu. "They really outdid themselves. It looks like we're on a date."

I nodded. _Looks like._

She swallowed. "You know, you don't _have_ to stay."

I nodded my head in agreement as I leaned on the table with one arm, wondering absently what Annie had ordered for me.

Her eyes widened even more than usual, and then she broke into a huge smile, before regaining her composure by clearing her throat. "Potato soup."

I blinked.

She smiled again, but this one was more amused than joy-filled. "She ordered you potato soup. She said it's good here. I got a hotdog."

I let my mouth drop open in mock indignation, and she nodded. "I know, I know. _Please_ don't tell Heinz! I just figured that if there was a chance I was really going to have lunch with his nemesis, then…" she shrugged.

I nodded.

She smiled again, unable to meet my eyes for long. "Well… this isn't normal."

It really wasn't. As much as I'd wanted things to go back to normal when this all started, it was really looking like that just wasn't possible anymore. No matter how content you are your life, okay, _especially_ when you're content with your life, change happens. The old normal gives way to the new. You don't g _et_ to keep your comfortable patterns, no matter how firmly you keep them. But not all change is bad.

Hilda was watching me now, and she nodded in agreement. Her eyes asked a thousand questions that I wasn't ready to answer, but when she didn't blurt them out, I realized something; I didn't know her half as well as I understood her.

The place was crowded, but sitting there comfortably, we weren't in any more of a hurry to get our food than they were to get it to us. We sat there for a moment, and I finally shrugged one shoulder. I wasn't sure if this was a date in the strictest sense of the word; I'd never been on one before. But it didn't take a genius to see that Annie and Candace had decided that it was one, or that Hilda was hoping that it counted as one. And since I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea, well, whatever made them happy.

Life is about risks, because you never know which change could become your next new normal, and, sometimes, accepting that change is the only way your life is ever going to be 'normal' again.

 **The End**

* * *

 **—**

 **A/N: Finally! I could not get this to a point where I could satisfactorily end it for the LONGEST time! (Okay, I've actually written this faster than usual if you don't count the fact that I was writing only the second half, and even then…**

 **But anyway, Wow! You made it all the way to the end of this! Congrats! I apologize for any discomfort you have suffered along the journey!**

 **Thanks so much for coming along, and special thanks to my reviewers, who not only let me know that someone was reading this, but also kept me going with encouragement, advice, and helped me keep my grammar in check as well! (Yes, sadly folks, it was even sadder than this when it was first published!)You guys are all still awesome, and you've made this story so much more fun to write!**

 **That being said, this started out as a quick experiment, but I've decided that there's room for a sequel, due to several unanswered questions that I still have about this human Perry character (and friends. I have other stories that need work before I can get started on it, but I fully intend to write it! Feel free to PM me with any ideas you might have for it, or any questions.**

 **As always, thanks so much for reading! See you next time!**

 **~veryloyalfan**


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